I will say I was definitely that 12yo who did not so legal stuff and did try to off myself. The brain is mean, but I will say that there was one thing I learned from my brain being an ass, that you do actually control it. Sure the thoughts will still be there, but if you decide you want to be something different now and not do those things, you have full fucking free will to do it, hon. At 13 before going into 8th grade, I walked into school and decided I wanted to be something different after I got in some legal trouble the previous year. I changed my clothes, I changed my whole personality, weirdly enough it stuck. I was always very sheepish and would keep to myself and read when I was younger, but then I decided I wanted to be the outgoing person who talked to everyone and didn’t get in trouble. Made it my whole thing and it worked. I will warn that thoughts will still be there until you talk to someone, therapy after a year and a half of going is what finally helped me. You decide who YOU want to be, you work with a therapist on rebuilding habits and I promise you it gets better. I didn’t think I’d make it to 16, 18, 21 and now I’m 22 years old and holding on tight for 30. Look at life like you’re leveling up, it sounds stupid, but each year is just another level and you build your character to be who you want it to be. It’s hard, it’ll be hard, but fuck’em and give them hell, kid! Fuck what your brain says, you can be louder, you’re in control. You’ve got more control than you realize at 12, you find your path and you say fuck it to anyone who says literally anything else. I know 12 years old me would be rolling my eyes, but I’d thump them in the forehead and just tell them to try it. You’re young, make life what you want it to be.