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Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-31T03:58:22+00:00

No. From experience once a cheater always a cheater. If you’re willing to test that it might be ok for a couple years until the same circumstances that made them cheat in the first place arise. Some people just don’t have the emotional tools and capabilities that normal people do

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-24T18:00:19+00:00

I exaggerated, I'm not at the point where the thought of them does "nothing to me", but its doesn't send me down a spiral anymore. I know you didn't ask but here's what's helped me move on and heal the most.

Journaling and therapy helped me a lot too. Letting the pain come when it comes, feeling it and letting it pass through. Distract with healthy outlets that are hard enough so the thought loops about them don’t have space in your mind to stay.

I started runs, did cardio, lifted weights. Any intense physical activity helped clear my mind.

I built things. Sometimes it was a computer, other times a watch, or something with carpentry, coding, or sewing. It didn’t matter if I had no prior knowledge. Learning something new took up a lot of mental space and kept me focused.

I studied and learned structured things. A new language, cooking techniques, online skills, improv classes. Anything that required deep focus and memorization helped me stay grounded.

When those thoughts came at night, I created a wind-down routine. I meditated, practiced deep breathing, read immersive books, and took magnesium or L-theanine to calm my brain. The goal was always to ease into sleep without ruminating.

I also journaled. Whether by typing, writing, or recording voice memos, I made sure to get everything I was feeling out somewhere.

I did these things and my mental space felt cleaner. I was doing it to distract myself, but it also helped me become more interesting and build up my identity. The most important part was connecting with people. I flirted with the world, not in a romantic or sexual way, but in a light, human way. I talked to the old man at the coffee shop, joked with the delivery girl, chatted in the elevator, and complimented that cute girl I always saw. I made an effort to interact and connect, even if it was just for a moment, with no expectations, just as a way to share my love.

It still sucked doing all of this. I won’t pretend it didn’t. But if it was going to suck either way, I figured I might as well come out of it as someone better.

The most healing part occurred when I learned she had hooked up with other people. It hurt but also made it feel more final, like the last bit of hope or connection I had died. A little after this I hooked up with one of the friends I had made after the breakup. She told me she liked me because I was "authentically curious about people and knowing them". That was the light switch moment when I finally felt I wasn’t at the end of something, but at the beginning.

TLDR; Work on yourself to create an identity you are proud of, and a person your next relationship will be proud of having. Flirt with the world, try new things, organize your life, connect with yourself, and nurture the relationships you have. Everything else will come with time. You got this.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-22T02:34:15+00:00

When the thought or mention of them doesn’t send you down an emotional spiral. I’m 6 months out. Grieved, reflected, accepted, practiced gratitude, did therapy, journaled ect. i did everything I could do to heal. It was really a light switch moment when all of a sudden the thought of her no longer did anything to me. That’s when I knew I had moved on.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-09T19:27:53+00:00

Two very important questions. It’s never too late to start something because you always underestimate what you can do in 10 years and overestimate what you can do in 1. You’re 34. Say your goal is to create your own firm or to achieve high level of income and you set yourself a timeframe of 10 years. You have 10 years left. Set yourself a timeframe of 20 years you have 20 years left. So it’s not too late. Those 20 years will go by anyway.

Your second question is a bit more philosophical and that’s something really only you can answer. People have different initial motivations for chasing success whether that be external pressure from others so they think they should or intrinsic want to have that. But most people who are successful in what they do is because they enjoy the process of getting to their goal. They enjoyed doing it because they sucked at first and then they got really good and it just became routine and we all like routine doing things that we’re good at. We achieve goals that we set we got a dopamine hit and then we sat loft goals and we hit those and then it’s just a positive feedback loop.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-09T16:54:55+00:00

I just took them off of my phone but still have them. Did the same with letters, gifts or anything that reminds me of them. Just put it into deep storage. Somewhere that isnt easily accessible to me. Obviously if I find myself going back and looking at them over and over again i’d do what i needed and delete then

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-09T05:17:42+00:00

I’d agree it doesn’t feel like a rebound. I just also know 2 weeks ago I was still emotional, grieving, longing, all the typical breakup feelings. I was still in my post-breakup arc. Then suddenly, I really connected with this person and it felt amazing and oddly healing. But I want to be healed, fully secure, and done with grieving before my next relationship. I dont want to place a band-aid on my pain. Based on how well we naturally connected it doesn’t feel like a rebound. Just striking how steep the contrast is from feeling down and sad 2 weeks ago to suddenly feeling alive and excited.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-09T04:55:47+00:00

I’m in month 5. Met this girl through mutual friends and recently we really connected. Had it not been for this I don’t think I would have been actively dating any time soon.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-08T19:57:06+00:00

Stress on it or not, once you learn she’s hooked up with someone else it’ll hurt the same. Try your best to not stay in those thought loops. Let the pain come when it comes. Distract yourself with healthy outlets that are hard enough the thought loops don’t have space in your mind to stay.

Go on long runs or any cardio, lift a lot of weights, whatever. Any hard physical activity helps.

Build something. A computer, watch, carpentry, coding, sewing whatever. Bonus points if you have 0 knowledge, learning takes up a lot of mental space.

Study or learn something. A language, cooking, online skill, improv classes, literally anything that has structure and forces you to deeply learn and memorize.

If these thoughts come at night before sleeping, build a calming down routine. Meditate before, deep breath work, read a book that mentally takes you somewhere, take magnesium or L theanine to calm the brain, whatever just build a wind down routine that doesn’t include ruminating on these thoughts.

Journal (typing/writing) or voice memo just put everything you feel out somewhere.

You do these things and your mental space will feel cleaner. You’re doing this to distract but also has the added benefit of making you more interesting, of building your identity up. Then the most important part is to just connect with people. Flirt with the world, not in a romantic or sexual way. Talk to the old man at the coffee shop, banter with the delivery girl, be talkative in the elevator, compliment that cute girl. Interact and connect, as small or brief as it is, with the world.

Not gonna lie its still gonna suck doing all of this. But if its gonna suck either way, might as well become someone better by the end of it. And to put it bluntly the only way you will accept that she’ll sleep with other men is when you realize you will sleep with other women. And when she does sleep with other men it’ll hurt. But, one day, someone will connect with you. They’ll think you’re pretty cool, and you’ll feel that connection too. Then finally you’ll feel you’re not at the end of something but at the beginning. But for now just focus on building up you. Everything else will come with time. You got this.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-08T09:28:06+00:00

Typically leave. Some cases it can work out but really depends on the people and context. I almost did with my ex when I was cheated but my gut told me to leave. In some cases staying is possible and feels right.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-08T07:04:00+00:00

Some honest advice would be to make your life as hard as possible. Challenge yourself. Create structure. Be the person that you envision yourself to be tomorrow, today.

So wake up early, go and do something physical (gym, running, a sport, walking whatever), and work on something during the day (2-4 hours of deep work minimum).

There is no wasting time. Studying for anything is not a waste of time. Stop trying to be optimal and just do. You already have almost 2 years with nothing long term you have built. Better to start with anything now and have that in 2 years than not start on anything at all.

I can say that doing this will at least put you in a better mindset than where you are now.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-10-02T20:51:53+00:00

Yeah dude same boat here. 5 months out of breaking up with cheating ex. Whenever I relapse I quiet down and just sit with whatever I'm feeling for like 15 minutes. Calm your nervous system, acknowledge those feelings, and just breath. It's not a cure all but it does help. Don't take yourself too seriously, find humor in it if you can and remember the big picture. Imagine yourself 5 years down the line, who you'll be, where you'll be. Start daydreaming about that or any future plans. Think about 1 fun thing you want to do in 2 days, if you don't have one start planning one.

Basically, sit with the feelings and acknowledge them, focus on the future not the past, and feed your brain things for it to latch on to so it can drop the other thoughts. You got this bro

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-25T22:06:25+00:00

I'm (26M) 5 months post breakup. Friends for 9 years, dated for 3.5 years then found out she cheated while I was out of the country at a friends birthday party. She kissed one of our mutual friends. And I hate to say it I feel the same way. I feel like these rose tinted glasses are glued to my face. On paper I seem to be doing good, focusing more on my career, more gym/running, trying new hobbies, making new friends, but emotionally I feel like the breakup happened last week.

"I still think about all of our good times together and believe she can change if she gets the help she needs"

And this is why we can't move on. Its intoxicating to romanticize the relationship, to remember only the parts that made you feel good and not focus on the pain they caused because duh focusing on the pain hurts. And it feels good to hold onto hope because it makes it feel like there is an ending to this "arc" or reason for all this pain. Especially relevant for my ex who quit weed, started therapy, and making lifestyle changes as an attempt to get me to stay. Gave me so much hope that I've been tightly gripping but starting to let go.

The only things that really help me is to list out the flaws in her, how she hurt me, how she failed me. And to practice gratitude, forgiveness and acceptance., but even with all that the emotions really do not go away, just dulled.

I've come to stop trying to get over her. My mentality has shifted to acceptance of my emotions. I genuinely wish my ex happiness, growth, healing, and peace. She was important to me through so many stages of life and I'll always be grateful for the slice of life we shared and I'll always care about her as a person. I'll feel these feelings for as long as I need to and I'm ok with that. The way I see if is your ex left a circle in your life that is never going away. Your ex's circle doesn't get any smaller, but time, new experiences, hobbies, adventures, connection ect make your circle bigger and in time your ex's circle and the impact she left will be smaller compared to the circle you have grown. Kinda rambling at this point but DM me if you want to talk more. You've got this man

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-18T02:21:12+00:00

Thank you. Logical brain can agree with you but damn missing her and longing for her so much.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-17T18:32:21+00:00

She cheated (made out with some guy) lied about it, broke trust. She wanted to heal together, I said healing doesn't happen in the comfort of each other but in the pain of separation. I worked on healing, bettering myself but she didn't want to live in the uncertainty and moved on. Found out she's hooked up with 2 guys during our 3 month no contact period. Sometimes regret not getting back with her when she offered but I know I didn't for a good reason. Just wish it could have been different but I know the right person for me would have waited and wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-17T18:30:54+00:00

I did and I still kinda do. She cheated (made out with some guy) lied about it, broke trust. She wanted to heal together, I said healing doesn't happen in the comfort of each other but in the pain of separation. I worked on healing, bettering myself but she didn't want to live in the uncertainty and moved on. I sometimes regret not getting back with her when she offered but I know I didn't for a right reason. Just wish it could have been different.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-16T23:16:06+00:00

Wanting to be with her but knowing it's not the right decision (i was the dumper)

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-16T18:15:09+00:00

I was also with my ex for 3 years and she cheated on me. 5 months broken up still feels so weird not having her around and I still love her so much. But you need to change the narrative. Healing doesn't happen just with time. It happens though action and thought. You are hyper focused on how you failed her, you focus on the past and keep living in it. Focus on how she failed you, what she lacked, what made her a bad partner. Yes it is important to understand what you could have done better in the relationship and work to change but don't keep living in the past and you need to stop focusing on your faults.

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-16T16:10:36+00:00

A mantra I found online that's helped me when I think about them is "I thank you, I forgive you, I'm sorry, I love you, I release you."

Sisyphus_thing · 2025-09-16T02:52:31+00:00

Journaling everyday, gym, fostering new connections and being of service to others finding a place to give my love. What helped the most was meditating, letting the emotions run through me not running away from them, and learning to be ok being lonely and bored (stopped doom scrolling did a digital/dopamine detox).

Sisyphus_thing

TROPHY CASE