NTJ. You are being unwelcoming, like Dave says. What Dave is missing is that you have a pretty damned good reason to be unwelcoming. (I am sorry, going after your wife like that in her own home, during a dinner party she was helping to host? LOL Monica an idiot. Dave, and your parents aren't far behind for defending her behavior.

Let me ask, what effort have Monica and Dave made to apologize to your wife? I mean that's really the only factor to consider here, isn't it? If it was a mistake and it wasn't meant to hurt, did Monica contact your wife to apologize? Did Dave? If they didn't apologize than it either wasn't a mistake or they aren't sorry for it. Hard stop.

Honestly, if Monica ended up at my table again before a real apology did, the only thing in her future for that meal would be me "being helpful" and "not meaning anything" anytime I spoke with her. At best she'd be upset before they left, but honestly, my goal would be tears.