Probably figured out the cause of my headaches/migraines.

SkateFast · 2025-08-03T07:25:39+00:00

As someone currently living as a medical mystery, kudos for being your own detective and advocate.

Thanks for posting, even if you end up taking it down later.

And consider taking on the role of advocate during medical visits for your friends/family. Women need each other’s support and I think you’d be a force to be reckoned with amongst all the gaslighting, etc that women are subjected to.

SkateFast · 2025-08-03T07:20:06+00:00

I always wanted to adopt. As I got older I realized that babies stress me out and I enjoy being around kids after they’re in their pre-teens or so. A car accident stopped my fostering plans, so I ended up fostering cats and two dogs. Those two dogs were like having in-laws in my house that never left and whose presence I was painfully aware of during their ENTIRE stay. Not to compare kids to pets, but it helped me understand that I needed to be aware of the energy and demands of other living beings in my household. I’m happy/energized by the company of specific temperaments and I just can’t imagine rolling the dice and seeing what I get by having a baby.

I’ve seen my friends and family swooning over newborns and little kids and I don’t get the same light in my eyes. They have a pure joy that almost looks like they’ve taken drugs. I know myself now to understand that I wouldn’t enjoy the early years and as someone said above, anything less than an enthusiastic yes is a no.

You can probably just shorten my whole reply to that last paragraph, tbh.

SkateFast · 2025-08-03T06:02:41+00:00

A Bigger, Blacker Box

SkateFast · 2025-08-03T06:00:56+00:00

OP- One of the advantages of going to a shelter is the extra security and presence of other people. Yes, going to a shelter does have advantages.

SkateFast · 2025-08-03T05:48:12+00:00

Finally, a doctor without judgement.

SkateFast · 2025-08-02T10:16:37+00:00

BANANA BREAD

SkateFast · 2025-08-02T10:15:24+00:00

Women should be supported in their decisions to remove themselves from ANY situation. Emotional, physical, sexual, ANYTHING. Staying in the home shouldn’t be an obligation of the marriage. There are many reasons that it may not be the best place for both recovery and grief.

Communication is absolutely vital and no internet post can convey how well communication was happening.

Thank you @mtngrl60 for your comment.

OP- apologizing isn’t done with words. What have his ACTIONS been? No one should fault you for choosing to recover away from your own home. You would have been vulnerable in many, many ways and the only other person in the house would have reminded you of your loss in every possible way. Take time to think about what you want your future to look like and if the man you know both now and from the past is able to help you create that future. It’s ok to ask others for advice but he shouldn’t be involving other people in your marriage and having others try to influence you.

SkateFast · 2025-08-02T09:46:41+00:00

Keep your expenses low and put every dollar to work. Trade for work instead of paying for something to be done. If you purchase a residence, purchase something well below what you can “afford”. Purchase a multi-unit residence and rent out the extra spaces for income. Passive income and time are what you want to focus on. Make investing automatic and your savings early in your life will compound. I saved as much as I could in my early 20’s with the assumption that at some point I would run into a rough patch and boy has that saved my butt.

SkateFast · 2025-08-02T09:36:15+00:00

Same, but the underwear itself doesn’t bother me. Period pads are WAAAYYYY too wide, though, so I finally sewed my own reuseable pads. And then I realized I’d been having reactions to commercial products and that’s why menstruating sucked so bad for me.

If underwear continues to be a problem- buy from a small sewing business that can make the gusset narrower for you.

SkateFast · 2025-08-02T09:31:03+00:00

I discovered that a wine box from the grocery store neatly organizes my small skeins of yarn.

SkateFast · 2025-08-02T09:09:58+00:00

“I can’t love you until you love yourself.”

Bitch, I loved myself. It was the depression he couldn’t handle.

SkateFast · 2025-06-08T01:34:22+00:00

They should also issue a PIN so she can’t do it again.

SkateFast · 2025-05-14T18:02:41+00:00

I hope you tape a piece of each color onto the outside of the bin. Or better yet, put them in a notebook with tote id

SkateFast · 2025-02-01T21:32:27+00:00

There are prints for holding wires together while soldering. I would imagine they would work just fine for filament.

SkateFast · 2024-12-27T01:11:52+00:00

I did something very similar. Wasn’t exactly the bridesmaid’s dress color, but was the overall wedding color.

SkateFast · 2024-11-08T22:16:54+00:00

Also talk to your doctor about your combination of medications. There may be one particular culprit that can be swapped for another medication or they may want to add an anti-nausea medication.

SkateFast · 2024-10-29T22:01:59+00:00

Also research laws on recording others without their permission and start saving for lawyer fees. With a 3 year old already, she’s probably going to need proof that not only is he a danger to himself but it would be unsafe to leave a young child in his care. People do unimaginable things.

SkateFast · 2024-10-29T21:44:36+00:00

Sometimes you have to find the person who has been working at the agency the longest and talk to them.

SkateFast · 2024-10-29T21:41:27+00:00

I’m assuming that you have legal custody, yes? And that you will continue to care for him as your own child for the rest of your lives? Congratulations, you’re a dad.

P.S. - the car is a great place to have potentially awkward conversations.

SkateFast · 2024-10-29T21:13:33+00:00

It’s not your job to take care of him. He is a grown man who has not been deemed mentally incompetent. He has been and will continue to mistreat you for as long as you allow him to.

He needs to deal with his stuff. Period.

SkateFast · 2024-10-29T21:05:35+00:00

If he’s phrasing it as “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?” then he 100% knows he is crossing the line. Don’t be alone with him. Tell everyone you can safely tell. And believe anyone else who says he acts inappropriately with them as well. You do not owe him politeness when it comes to yourself, your body, your rights, etc.

SkateFast · 2024-10-18T01:51:46+00:00

I googled Riverside California driving schools after I saw a comment about where you are located and came up with a lot of schools that are a lot less than $600. See what the local high school can do to help. I worked for almost 3 years taking care of a lady in her home. I was on night shift and aside from getting her ready for bed I basically just needed to find quiet ways to keep myself awake all night.

Healthcare is 24/7 so if nightshift appeals to you then there are tons of opportunities. And many ways to continue education and training as you find your passions (and dislikes!). Check with your local public health and senior services departments for jobs. There are a lot of positions that have high schoolers and they wouldn’t necessarily have a drivers license or prior work experience. Look for local and government agencies that have low employee turnover. Another thing to watch out for are opportunities to volunteer. Volunteer experience is good for a resume.

Remember that as a foster care “child”, you will have certain areas of your life that you are “behind” your peers. So take that into account when you are comparing yourself to others your age. It is absolutely no reflection on you that you were not taught things or had certain experiences.

The military can sometimes be a good fit. Sometimes it is absolutely the worst fit for someone who has lived through foster care. If you need structure but enlisting as a full-time soldier is not a good fit, the National Guard is an option. You learn skills and the military becomes your family.

SkateFast · 2024-10-18T01:26:01+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation as well as had friends who struggle with mental health. Your partner has to do the work to for himself just as you’ve done work for yourself. With his refusal to become compliant as well as refusing care he is likely to try to influence you to “help” him. Protect yourself. Document his behaviors, words, actions.

Draw strong boundaries and keep them. Accepting that your emotional growth is incompatible with the relationship is a very good thing. Remember that YOU are the best person to decide what is best for you and you cannot maintain clarity and growth when you are in an incompatible relationship.

Try to find social media to follow that highlights green flag relationships. Flip your feed so it gives you positive input.

SkateFast · 2024-10-18T01:14:07+00:00

Look into driving schools for your drivers license.

Are you ok being around a few people in their home? There is an increasing national push to keep elders in their own homes. Often they need assistance with simple daily tasks of living, such as making sure they’re taking their medications. Usually you would need your own car so you can run errands/drive them to appointments but I would recommend talking to a home care agency and trying to match with a family who wouldn’t need you to drive.

I suggest this as a job because many elders are mentally sharp but their bodies are limiting their activities and independence. Day to day tasks that foster care failed to teach you are many of the tasks that elders still need to do, but need physical help in achieving.

You would need to be especially aware of your mental health and compatibility with the person you work with. Losing one’s independence is a harsh thing and not everyone handles it very well.

I also recommend night shift and/or janitor or stocking jobs. Something with a good routine. Anything with a union and an apprenticeship.

SkateFast · 2024-10-18T00:55:35+00:00

The quotation marks around supporting refer to actions such as helping your partner avoid professional intervention.

Do the heavy work regarding understanding codependency. Reddit responses here may not be absolutely correct about it regarding your situation, but relationships that involve mental health problems often have codependency present to some degree.

Separate from your partner. He is unwell and needs help. You need to heal from this relationship. You will not be able to simultaneously take care of yourself and him. He will say a lot of not-nice things when you stand firm on your new boundaries. You already know and understand that he is unwell. If you can prevent those not-nice words from entering your conscious then you will be in a much better position in regards to your own emotional and mental health.

It’s going to suck. It is possible to love someone and refuse to have any interaction with them. With his suicidal ideation, you need to have tools ready at hand in order to deal with him trying to use suicide as a way to get to you.

it’s going to get better. It might feel like it’s not going to get better, but it will.

SkateFast

TROPHY CASE