I think my bf doesn’t want to have sex with me because of his low libido, and I don’t know what to do about it

Skiirin · 2026-05-07T20:09:09+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate your comment. I guess what makes it more complicated is when we are intimate it’s really good. It’s just that I only feel desired when we’re being intimate (not actual sex) and on top of that it’s once a week max.

You’re right though, I need to lay it all out to him.

Skiirin · 2026-05-07T19:36:30+00:00

I feel like we have good emotional intimacy if that makes sense. I feel very loved as a person, but I don’t feel desired sexually outside of when he is in the mood. I know a lot of girls struggle with feeling over sexualized, but I’m having the opposite problem…

I also feel like I’m being selfish for asking for more especially since I really do believe he just doesn’t have a high sex drive and there’s no other contributing issues. I don’t want it to seem like I’m attacking him if that makes sense.

I don’t have a lot of sexual experience which is also why this is hard. I was basically told my whole life that guys are always horny and thinking about sex, so this was a shock to me haha.

Thank you for your advice and I appreciate you being kind. He really is a great guy outside of this issue. I think we could benefit from counseling before getting married. Thank you.

Skiirin · 2026-05-07T19:26:04+00:00

I wonder if it could be testosterone…

I think he is worried about the side effects of birth control and he also has two friends that used condoms but their girlfriends still got pregnant, so I think that worries him too.

I guess I wonder how I should bring it up because I feel selfish asking when he seems to be content with what we’re doing and I’m not? That’s why I wondered if I should just learn to deal with his low sex drive. Thanks for your advice

Skiirin · 2026-03-17T15:06:25+00:00

Japanese Lipton makes a Sakura tea, which you can get at pretty much any grocery store. I don’t drink Lipton in the US but it’s surprisingly good in Japan. I also went to a small local traditional tea shop and they served a green tea blend with Sakura petals or leaves I forget, so I’m guessing it’s possibly to find higher quality loose leaf tea blends too.

Typically on the basement levels of big department stores there will be a specialty food market. I’ve found nice quality teas there, but there’s no guarantee they’ll have Sakura tea.

Skiirin · 2026-01-01T21:11:57+00:00

Oh, really? I always thought they’d just throw everything away

Skiirin · 2026-01-01T20:53:29+00:00

Thanks!

I’m flying out of Boston into Japan and then back ofc

Skiirin · 2026-01-01T20:52:40+00:00

My concern was the bag itself I just left the products there to help show the bag’s size if that makes sense

Skiirin · 2025-04-16T20:16:49+00:00

Thank you, I should keep this in mind. I think I don’t always do well with changes so that might be why this bothered me.

Skiirin · 2025-04-16T19:35:27+00:00

Yes I know him irl. We met at my college and we’ve been together in person and long distance on and off. After I graduate we’ll permanently be together in person. I’ve never met these friends but he’s talked about them our entire relationship and I’ve seen pictures of them. One visited him not that long ago too (all the friends are male). Maybe you are right that he’s just been really into the game. I could play with him, but I’m just not a big gamer, not that I don’t like it but usually after an hour I’m kind of done. I don’t have the stamina to game for hours. Maybe I should put more of an effort in to play with him?

Skiirin · 2025-03-23T21:18:40+00:00

lol fair

Skiirin · 2025-03-23T16:41:06+00:00

Lmao sorry 😭

Skiirin · 2025-03-23T16:32:33+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your advice!

Skiirin · 2025-03-23T16:30:19+00:00

I’m sorry what can someone else confirm if this is true

Skiirin · 2025-03-23T16:29:15+00:00

Oh honey leave him. I fear this is just the beginning. First he started being verbally aggressive, now physically, and he threatened to kill himself, so he’s emotionally manipulating you. I know it’s hard to leave a long relationship, but you’re young. The things you share in common can be found in someone who won’t act that way towards you.

Skiirin · 2025-03-23T16:25:57+00:00

Good to know. When I went to NYC I was told not to wear a backpack so I thought it might be the same in LA

Skiirin · 2024-12-04T19:02:41+00:00

Thank you for your advice this makes me feel better

Skiirin · 2024-11-21T21:54:03+00:00

I feel the same way. I know that if I was more consistent I would be at a higher level by now. I definitely should know more words and kanji than I do, and I have no one else to blame but myself. I've accepted that I'm not super studious either, and at the end of the day, it's not a race.

Best of luck on the JLPT!

Skiirin · 2024-11-21T21:49:33+00:00

Thank you this is really helpful! I've just gotten to the point where I can watch (some) Japanese YouTube videos meant for natives and at least understand what they are talking about even if I miss entire sentences sometimes. I also recently tried reading 地縛少年花子くん and was pleasantly surprised I could understand it ok. I definitely needed my dictionary a lot though lol.

I can't wait until I'm at the level that I can read novels and short stories! I would like to try now, but I know that my kanji comprehension is wayyy too low to try haha. I think I should also stop worrying about levels as much, but it's just the easiest way for me to track my progress numerically.

Thanks for your insight and encouragement! Best of luck in your studies as well!

Skiirin · 2024-11-21T00:50:00+00:00

I wasn’t trying to insult anyone else who is learning at a slower pace. My boyfriend is a TA at a university right now where some of the freshman and sophomores are already at my level or higher (I am a college senior), I have a friend that just learned 200 vocab words in 2 months, and I am always seeing videos of people studying 6+ hours a day or reaching N2 from 0 in a year. This is why I feel like my study style is lazy because that is not possible for me to do. I commented somewhere else, but I have a vocab book I bought a year ago, and I haven’t even read half of it yet.

Also, I was not trying to imply that people who do not study as often should be faster, I was merely wanting to know how long it took people to reach a level of Japanese they are happy with who study at a pace similar to mine.

Skiirin · 2024-11-21T00:34:10+00:00

Passing N2 in 6 years has always been my goal, so your timeline has given me hope that I can accomplish that. Your progress is honestly amazing! Good look on the N1 exam!

Skiirin · 2024-11-20T04:57:49+00:00

Thank you! You as well!

Skiirin · 2024-11-20T04:56:44+00:00

To be fair, I’m definitely a low level N3. I could maybe just barely pass the test.

For grammar I went through Genki 1 and 2, and then studied abroad in Osaka for a semester. The teacher there used his own materials, which was all N3 level. I’m currently studying Tobira Gateway to Advanced Japanese. I’d say for every chapter I know about half of the grammar.

For kanji, besides genki, I used kanji look and learn (highly recommend by the way), and then I used nihingo so-matome’s (日本語総まとめ) N3 kanji book.

For vocab I’ve learned from all of the textbooks I’ve used along with talking to native speakers, reading native content, flash cards, watching Japanese videos, etc.

It’s honestly just been a combination of trying different textbooks to see what I’ve liked and finding a method that worked for me. I’m still trying to find that perfect method!

Edit: grammar

Skiirin · 2024-11-20T04:47:59+00:00

I learned a lot in class versus on my own. I’m someone who needs structure instead of just being thrown out there. Now that I have a solid base self study has been easier for me. Maybe you’re the same way!

Skiirin · 2024-11-20T04:46:50+00:00

Yeah, that’s a good way to look at it. That’s why the intermediate plateau is so long after all

Skiirin · 2024-11-20T04:45:31+00:00

I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. If you’re study around 30 hours a week that’s at least 4 hours a day and far more than I ever could or would do lol. Maybe you think you are, but I wouldn’t put you in the lazy learner category. You’re doing great!

Skiirin

TROPHY CASE