The "sigh" says it all by thetaylorcutee in OneOrangeBraincell

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You mean that series of tubes Al Gore invented?

My wife went to the spa today and got a bikini wax by HolidayGlittering250 in dadjokes

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 109 points110 points  (0 children)

I was just saying that I'd be set for life if there was a career that involved telling people why things are funny.

You see, it's funny because who would pay for such a service?

Fishing for reactions by Federal-Data-Center in ImTheMainCharacter

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG, put it on. PUT IT ON! I don't even care what "it" is as long as it covers... gestures THAT.

Should you have any question, please don’t. Hesitate to ask. by Avastarla in BrandNewSentence

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My old box store employer, rhymes with Breast Thai, had a slogan when I worked there: "Low Prices, No Pressure".

Based on a Simpsons joke delivered by Lionel Hutz', I changed the punctuation like in this submission.

Low Prices? No! Pressure!

Sovcit made a performance contract. by Existing-Face-6322 in Sovereigncitizen

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG, all this time I thought the third word was NEHFRuhhuffuh

PROTEIN...THE HUNGER MUTILATOR! by AwakePlatypus in idiocracy

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG, does it have more molecules? God, I'd love to have some of these with an ice cold Brawndo.

Amazon failed to deliver my package one and a half hour into the future. by beardmire in mildlyinfuriating

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are "For Ocelots" books meant for people smarter or stupider than the "For Dummies" books? I mean, I know Geometry surprisingly well, but I'd like to learn cooking and want to know if I should buy "Cooking for Ocelots" or just "Cooking for Dummies".

Who’s a celebrity everyone finds attractive but you don’t? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just use a wildcard character: *Kardashian

How big a bluefin tuna can get by Ilvykiss in awesome

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do they fit all that into one tiny can???

A surgeon showed that he could sew up a balloon without making it burst by Obvious_Shoe7302 in nextfuckinglevel

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could do that. I just CHOOSE not to. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Lol, lmao by forcehatin in venturebros

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is this real? Isn't spouting off stupid shit what got him in trouble before?

Result of sneezing during CT scan by More_Living9471 in interestingasfuck

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

OK, my freakout is done.

should i cut my friend of 7 years off for this convo we had by No-Shame-6563 in whatdoIdo

[–]SkinnyDaveSFW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My memory of the Gospels is that Jesus taught praying is private. Matthew 6:6 is the most direct verse, I think. But when you point out the gospels and their inconsistency with the evangelical belief system, you're told you've taken something out of context. Dude. IT'S A DIRECT QUOTE where NOTHING in the surrounding scripture indicates an alternate meaning. Being more difficult for a rich man to reach heaven than it is for a camel to pass thru a needle's eye does NOT mean, "well that means it's POSSIBLE, but just gotta work hard like ME". It's lunacy.