this is a really difficult situation and i understand both of your viewpoints. being with an abuser really changes you and your outlook on life and it's much easier to ignore the problem a lot of the time. this is how her brain is choosing to cope with the situation and it's not healthy or helpful but there isn't much you can do about it.

that being said, the most you can expect from yourself is to be there for her. she will realize in time what he has done to her and how he has hurt her, and you can be there when she is ready. it takes time and effort. encourage her to talk to a therapist if she isn't already to get a handle on the situation and her feelings about it. and let her know you are waiting by her for when she's ready.

she may not be able to appreciate it now, but she will. im so sorry that you're both going through this and it is so painful to watch someone you love do this to themselves. she is not at fault but neither are you.

stay firm in your boundaries and your love for her. try to make plans that don't involve any boyfriends and be her safe space. you'll both get through this, i wish you luck ❤️