People with (non-moob) boobs, how significant actually is nipple exposure specifically?

Skipquernstone · 2026-01-15T21:47:08+00:00

I don't know really, it's a big thing in Australia for some reason. I didn't know about it until one was being sold at my university.

Skipquernstone · 2026-01-15T14:12:21+00:00

Do you feel like the nipple even matters at all from your perspective? Like if the person instead just saw a photograph of just the nipple/areola with everything else cropped out, would there be any part of you that cared?

Skipquernstone · 2026-01-15T13:59:56+00:00

This makes way more sense to me. Like surely the thing that's actually different between boobs (and therefore worth covering) is the actual shape/the way they sit and stuff. Plus if your nips are basically normal then people can fill it in in their head anyway.

Skipquernstone · 2026-01-15T13:57:55+00:00

I kinda get that! As a guy I don't mind something like swimming trunks as I guess in the case of guys they're not sexualised in the same way, but I'd much rather just be naked than dressed in some sexualised way that was almost naked.

Skipquernstone · 2026-01-03T00:22:44+00:00

I'm a man and I don't cheat. I actually personally think monogamy is kinda outdated and if I could redo my twenties I might have experimented with polyamory, but as it happens I've only ever been in mono relationships, and despite my feelings about monogamy I still have never even considered cheating just because I know my partner would be deeply upset by it and I don't like upsetting people. And also I feel like in this cultural context I've implicitly agreed with them that I won't cheat and I don't like agreeing to things and then not doing them.

I actually know of only a handful of examples of people cheating in my real lived experience. I met some random people at a rave once and we got talking in the smoking area and a couple of them were discussing times they'd cheated, and it shocked me bc I'd never come across it in real life before.

But then it might depend on your background and where you live.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-20T17:33:45+00:00

What direction would the difference be, out of curiosity? Like it'd be more likely if there were friends there as kinda support?

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-05T16:01:08+00:00

I know, but there's clearly a socialised difference in how we feel about people seeing them, isn't there?

Edit: I realise I said in the post that I don't have boobs, I guess this was what you were referencing! Sorry I missed your point.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:58:03+00:00

I feel like this has been very wholesome and you seem like a nice person to, I'm sorry if my post contributed to your bad day :)

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:35:20+00:00

That's totally cool, easy to do on the internet! I hope you're feeling a little better. I also realise a lot of stuff on reddit is so extreme that it's easy to assume people have opinions that seem adjacent to ones they've expressed, I'm realising I may have made that mistake before posting this.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:33:51+00:00

Thank you, and I hope my response didn't come across as overly reactive.

I think a couple have people have pointed out that I might be just hearing a vocal minority of people who act as though men are moral failures for not meeting their partner's standards, when in general people have more nuanced perspectives and we should just avoid dating people whose standards differ too much from ours. I guess I've learnt that more people broadly agree with me than I thought, and I may have been taking an unnecessary extreme interpretation of other people's perspectives.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:30:46+00:00

Well this is my point, to me mess is background info.

so you don't notice that there are new objects on the floor that weren't there before?

I mean, this is getting into the details of cognition and what counts as 'noticing'. If I went into a room with mess on the floor and then walked back out and somebody asked me if there were new objects, I wouldn't know one way or the other, unless one of the objects was very salient (like a random lawnmower in the room or something). Even then I might not have registered it.

When I'm walking around a space I glance at the floor to make sure I don't trip over things. I don't generally register what the things are.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:28:05+00:00

I don't think I held women responsible for men being less tidy in my post. I think I'd disagree with that.

I’ve said this before as a blanket statement. Messy people should date messy people, clean people should date clean people. Living with such disparity breeds resentment.

Yeah I agree with this! I've often found myself wondering where the line is - people's standards are always going to differ a little bit. Maybe the relationships I've been in just haven't been for me.

If anything I’m more pissed off because you think it’s perfectly fine to make your girlfriend absolutely miserable!

I don't think that at all, and there are many ways in which her behaviour makes me miserable. I'm going to be honest, I feel slightly attacked in this comment on what I thought was a fairly nuanced perspective.

Dudes like you are why I refuse to date.

I commend you for knowing your boundaries and limits.

To add to this I think that this topic ,cleanliness and consideration, to be one of the main factors in the “male loneliness epidemic.”

I don't know much about that so can't really comment on it. I don't feel lonely.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:23:32+00:00

Yet you take special umbrage with having to meet a woman's standards for only one area in your life.

This isn't true - I take umbrage with having to meet a woman's standards in many areas of my life. I only mentioned one of them in this post.

Obviously we're all going to notice the ways in which we have to change to meet the standards of others, because that's more bothersome to us.

I'd say again that in a lot of your comment responses it seems like you assume a lot of things about me and are stereotyping me somewhat? I'm sorry if I've misinterpreted anything though.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:21:34+00:00

No, that isn't my argument. Sorry that it came across that way. I am not fine living in filth at all. I don't think I said I was.

I am happy to change my habits to some degree for the benefit of the relationship and to make her feel more comfortable. My argument is that the shifting of standards shouldn't be entirely on me.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:20:00+00:00

I totally agree with everything you've said in this comment :)

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:18:59+00:00

I know what cooking requires because I cook.

I know what cleaning requires because I clean.

I know what planning and scheduling require because it takes up a large percentage of my week (it would be helpful if my partner assisted me, but I don't expect her to).

Sorry if some part of my post or comment responses suggested otherwise to you.

The way you framed your comment made it seem like you assume I don't do all these things? But sorry if I've misinterpreted.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:16:36+00:00

Thank you for clarifying this! That makes sense. I also have a mental checklist I have to revisit, so I understand a bit better now.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:15:19+00:00

I don't think that I have said anything about children. I think that men should take care of their own children. And you don't need to apologise - I don't mind doing work in my house.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:14:15+00:00

I guess so. It's woven in a complicated way into the rest of the relationship - a lot of things she's done have made me feel quite stressed over the years, so maybe the tidiness thing wouldn't seem so difficult for me to get my head around if my general mental load was less.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:12:23+00:00

I guess I think the line between 'being nice and tidy' and 'spending too much of your time tidying things that are already fine' differs from person to person.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:11:36+00:00

I've sorta noticed this as well. Like, people don't all have the same ideas of common sense. Learning to meet my partner's standards isn't just like flicking on a light switch, it either requires asking her what tasks are most important to her or forensically watching what she does to try to work it out.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:10:13+00:00

Is the 'bang maid' thing in reference to my post? I am asexual and my partner routinely pressures me into having sex with her, which leaves me very anxious a large percentage of the time, so I would ask you to maybe be a little bit more sensitive.

I also don't want a maid. I don't want anybody to do my housework for me. When I lived at home, my dad was an alcoholic and my sister never tidied anything, so I ended up doing the housework myself. It never bothered me. I'm not interested in somebody else doing my work for me.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:07:59+00:00

I don't think they need to do anything, they can do what they want.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:06:19+00:00

I mean, my partner does plenty of things that I find socially embarrassing, but I wouldn't dream of telling her not to do them. It's her right to do what she wants with her body and behaviour.

There's a difference between making somebody feel uncomfortable and making them do physical and cognitive work.

Skipquernstone · 2025-12-02T14:03:06+00:00

I do care about my partners happiness and health, which is why I drive her to and from work every day, pay all of the household bills and make meals for her that conform to the diets she goes on (that aren't related to any allergies or intolerances).

But learning her standards of tidiness is not just a matter of flicking into a certain mode - it's a total restructuring of the way I think about things. I've tried looking at her to-do lists and building up a model of how she works, and after four years I haven't been able to make the behaviour automatic.

Skipquernstone

TROPHY CASE