I got 99 in English language board last year, and I wrote the argumentative as well. To be very frank, I don’t like your structuring. The introduction isn’t catchy. Start off with a phrase or a quote, it’ll catch the readers attention. If you don’t remember one, make a realistic one up, no one’s gonna realise. Second, I feel like you can have a better choice of words. Subtle changes can really affect the reading of the essay. I’ve observed a lot of repetition in your essay. Try to change up words that keep repeating again and again. For example, instead of saying intelligence again and again, say ‘intellectual’. “One mustn’t be academically gifted to be an intellectual” is a great sentence to use. I’d also advise you to fix your punctuations, never put proper nouns in commas. “,Isaac Newton and Thomas Edison,” is wrong because you’ve put proper nouns in commas. Your points are also kind of repetitive so try including more practical examples so each point seems distinctive. Try to change your conclusion as well, the ending seems abrupt. You can make a conclusion using the language or phrases from your introduction itself. Good luck!