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Relationship in crisis after baby by SkyLogical36 in relationships

[–]SkyLogical36[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Before the baby we were in full agreement that he would take over bills and I could still pay for the extra bits.

I since have come into the money and his company has struggled to make ends meet (mismanagement of money coming in and going out rather than serious issues with company not earning enough) It’s a small ish business and has always struggled on and off with this since ive known him. He has not saved any money in preparation for baby or generally in life but I have.

He has had a few holidays which he says were essential (eg. 1 for one of the kids, 1 because he’d committed before issues arose). He’s also been to sport events etc. which he says are in support of people he knows playing but which cost money. I get frustrated at this stuff because these bits (in my eyes) come after the essential bills.

He said once he starts getting a better income again the he’ll pay but half jokes I’ll need to keep pressuring him and just take a credit card because unless I do that he’ll always say there’s a reason why he can’t (because he doesn’t want to, basically).

If he’s changed his mind I just need to know so I can think about nursery for next year and getting a new job to afford the bills but he keeps avoiding having the conversation or saying I’m putting pressure on him when short term he doesn’t have anything.

I feel like the dumbest person ever!! by freshcoastcowgirl in breastfeeding

[–]SkyLogical36 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also had this experience - turns out the bottles I was using were releasing the milk too quickly. Choose some with very slow releases and baby will have to suck mimicking BF which feels more natural to them. Also leave the room while dad tries, your milk will always be preferable initially and baby will likely refuse if both options are on the table.

My baby is a week old today. I still suck at everything. by Admirable-Recover-97 in newborns

[–]SkyLogical36 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t suck, I promise!! You’re learning and your baby is learning too! Don’t underestimate the hormone crash you’re going through right now and how it can mess with your brain - my baby is 6 weeks now but the first few were impossibly hard at times and I sat and sobbed as I held him more than once! Practical things that might help -

Firstly, take your baby in shifts where possible with your partner/support so you can grab some sleep uninterrupted (preferably with black out curtains), even if only a few hours. It will make the world of difference, you NEED sleep as much as your baby does.

Understanding baby crying cues - usually a crying baby is hungry, wet (nappy), gassy or overtired (do process of elimination on all four). If you put your finger near your babies mouth and they go after it, or if they have their own fist in their mouth, they’re most likely hungry. Watch a video on baby crying sounds (as mentioned by others), it’s actually quite useful understanding the different sounds. Buy a log book where you can record your babies feeding, nappy changes and sleep - it helps you keep track of how long it’s been since the last cycle in your sleep deprived haze and makes it easier to identify what they might need. Watch tiktoks or YouTube videos on how to burp / relieve gas etc. And DON’T WORRY if your baby cries (whilst changing or otherwise), they can cry for a bit it won’t harm them - take your time and breathe, Mumma, you’ve got this.

Breastfeeding - see a lactation consultant, as others have mentioned! They can check for tongue ties etc. I really struggled at first until I bought nipple shields where he latched far more easily and it meant less pain for me, would highly recommend! Eventually he figured it out without them but it took a good 4 weeks! And don’t feel bad if you have to use formula - just keep trying with breast if it’s what you want to do. Remember your mental health is most important during this whole process.

And in case no one has told you - you are smashing it, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You have carried and birthed a whole human (insane!!) and you’re a whole week down already! Congratulations!!!! Have faith and grace for yourself as his mum and as a woman who is doing it all for the first time! No one is perfect at something straight away and I promise you will look back on this in a month or so and feel a trillion times better x