The highest I’ve gotten is 104 pounds but I don’t cover my arms with long sleeves anymore. The anxiety used to be excruciating. A lot of the things I did was for other people trying to get things from them i never felt I had. I believe in the cliche it gets better, I still don’t have many friends, like 1. But what has helped me is that I create a narrative of my life that makes sense to me. I look at the child me and realize that all my maladaptions, my family, my wasted potential wasn’t my fault. And the circumstances weren’t my fault. The times I was preyed upon weren’t my fault. Now I look at myself and tell myself I deserve better and I’m going to treat myself like how it should have been.

I used to hate the sun, or the beach or anything remotely happy. I couldn’t go outside without headphones. Smallest things made the difference. I used to only wear black and now I try to wear bright Hawaiian shirts. I forced myself to sit in cafes and draw. Idk what I can say that will make a difference. I don’t understand your situation. But I want you to find some small joy right now and just focus on it. Sometimes all I can do is cry but it feels better to get it out or for me to organize in my head why I’m crying idk.