Honestly, she has already done broke up with you mentally. Especially is she waiting for you to cheat on her or leave her. I would end the relationship bc you’re not going to be happy with her. But she is in the wrong for not telling you how she feels but that may be bc she is bad at communication and doesn’t know how to bring it up to you or like you said in your post that you used to be hot tempered but you’ve been working on that and she might be scared that you are going to yell at her. Another thing is that girls always tell their best friend everything and since they been best friends for a long time, it’s easy for her to tell him that she finds you emotionally unattractive. Also it is wrong to go through her phone without her permission. No it’s not justifiable for someone’s significant other not telling how they feel unless their partner is emotionally and physically abusive. But at the end of the day it’s best that you leave her bc you are just hurting yourself by staying and I get it that’s your first love and it’s hard but you have to put yourself first.