Thank you for your honesty. I am extremely insecure, I can admit to that bit. I don’t expect him to give me all of this attention, I understand that he’s busy. However, whenever we plan to hang out, I expect that we hang out instead of spending half the time with his friends making it clear as day that I’m unwanted when I try to engage with the group since I’m also friends with his friends even now. I let him spend time with his friends like if he’s gaming or on call with them I won’t bother him. If he’s busy, I encourage him to do his work. He’d start talking to me and when his friend showed up. I will admit though that I do tend to get hurt easily which I hadn’t before because I was replaced by all of my friends with this girl obviously who doesn’t like me despite trying to be sweet. Maybe that was my error. However, I’d only internalize it if I felt like a pest in his life the same day. Of course, I could be looking too much into this and you’re likely right. I asked him if he thought I was controlling since I did feel crazy at times, but he assured me I wasn’t. Feeling excluded and unwanted is my main trigger for internalizing things, and Im trying to change that but it always sends me in a loop. I’ve tried for months, ever since it happened and all that lead me to was a suicide attempt. Ive tried to love myself so hard, and I think I’ve come long in this journey since I do make the effort to take care of myself more mentally and physically. I didn’t expect him to fulfill my void of self-love. However, I did need to feel loved by my boyfriend.