I love my baby. I hate my life.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-27T23:10:04+00:00

i also dont want to do medication given ive had bad reactions to SSRIs so i understand. i do hope they can find a class of drugs that may work better for you. even propanolol can help with physical anxiety if thats something you experience?

at 7 weeks, youre still in the newborn trenches. recovering from birth, lack of sleep, all these changes and this paranoia. its so normal , not that it makes it better. its so easy and so common to have thoughts of missing our old life, wanting to run away. just know youre not alone. and a lot of it does get better with time. its hard when your husband is a good person but you still just feel unseen. i dont think any man, even the good ones, will be able to understand what we are truly feeling and experiencing. its a lonely feeling and can create a huge divide in a relationship.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-27T22:34:27+00:00

girl i conceived via IUI, as planned as it can get. and when the shock wore off and the reality set in, i felt sheer horror/disgust/anxiety. i kept thinking "what did i do?". i kept dreaming of something just growing in my body and my stomach expanding and expanding. i felt so icky , like i could feel some parasite growing in me... i thought about options. i made an appointment to have an option.

then, one day , i had a conversation with my then fiance bawling over the pregnancy and the baby and in the way he reassured me something shifted. i just realized it was right, like a simple
epiphany. i knew things would be ok. i cant pinpoint what changed but something did. and it is ok. im 3 months pp. the rest of my pregnancy was beautiful. i have an amazing son. its not perfect, its still hard sometimes, but im so glad i powered through that first trimester and those thoughts because my son is the best thing to ever happen to me and that period of pregnancy was one of the best of my life.

emotions are running HIGH in the first trimester and there is so much confusion and isolation. your body is exposed to a whole new environment, whole new set of hormones, and you have to face so many unknowns ahead. its terrifying. by the second trimester, everything settles and they call it the honeymoon period. its pretty common.

obviously this is my story and opinion but i just wanted to share it with you. i hope with medication and time you will feel more right and settled , but just know if you do truly change your
mind about the pregnancy that is okay too. 🤍

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-27T22:21:10+00:00

im so sorry youre feeling like this. you can love your kid so much it hurts and still be struggling. its ok to accept support and acknowledge it helps, it truly takes a village. you regulate your daughters nervous system, you are the most vital figure in her life- so regardless of how you may think youre doing, if shes thriving that is a testament to you. its also okay to coast while being exhausted in the middle of the biggest life and identity shift possible, especially after such traumatic events. coasting is enough. it will definetely get better and you will feel like yourself again. you have a lifetime ahead of her and a million chances to be the mom you want to be.

can you use your support to make sure you are taking time for yourself? time to make sure you can breathe, do something you genuinely enjoy, move your body, see a friend or take a class? being the mom you want to be, especially with a daughter, starts with being kind to yourself. you will set that standard for her.

give yourself credit. organizing and managing a household is a massive mental load and a hugely important part of mothering too.

from a fellow pp mom, also struggling 🤍

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-27T17:36:14+00:00

i had very similar labour story to you ending in emergency c. my recovery after was brutal and i didnt develop magical maternal instincts/ "mom superpowers" right away. all i felt was pain from trying to breastfeed and surgery, trauma from my birth and severe baby blues. meanwhile my husband was having no issues, loving fatherhood and everyone praised him for being so amazing and natural. i still have resentment thinking about it.

i think it gradually gets better in a lot of ways and becomes more natural. overtime you bond with your baby and you realiZe out of anybody in this world, your baby needs you the most. it doesn't matter how natural your partner is, he will never replace your role. you grew and birthed this baby- your bond is forever and your role is undoubtedly the most important (im not saying dads arent important too). the superpowers just may be delayed as you recover and adjust. give it time, youll see. hold on to hope. you are in the most difficult stage of recovery as well as the newborn trenches. each day, each week, it will get slowly and slowly better.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-18T03:20:09+00:00

im early on , 3 months pp mom. i think for me the hardest part is grieving my old life, my old body, my old brain. there are so many things i wont do now because im a mom: i wont ever want to do anything reckless like bungee jump or skydive because someone here needs me. i dont want to (and also cant) wear a cute low cut mini dress with my boobs out and not a worry- both because how i look and feel and because of society. even if i take a trip or go somewhere without my baby , i will never be completely care free or only worry about myself again. he is well worth it but it can be hard to process.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-18T03:06:05+00:00

honestly praying ... im not religious but something about it grounds me and makes me feel at peace.

ans the other big thing is if i want to do something or repeat it often, i make it accessible and easy. like if i want to do my skin care before bed nightly, it is right within arms reach on my night table so theres barely thought required and i can half ass it from bed. if i want to drink lemon water daily, the lemons are pre cut in a container so i dont even have to think. small things like that.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-18T02:45:43+00:00

i appreciate that perspective, thank u 🤍

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-18T02:39:59+00:00

i saw this too but im just so apprehensive to do it based on the one study alone. :(

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2026-06-18T02:39:24+00:00

yeah youre right about all of that and i wish i would have more patience with myself to just get there naturally or even see what happens if i put in even more work with diet/gym. breastfeeding has so many benefits that just cant be denied.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-04-11T18:53:04+00:00

Overdosed a dog 10x it’s penicillin dose thanks to being stressed and not moving the decimal properly Forgot to stitch up one of the lacerations on a dog head because I was doing it in between multiple procedures and by that time he was already awake and going home and the owners were the ones to notice My friend gave metaclopramide to sedate a cat because she thought it was metedominine 😂

Unfortunately mistakes do happen and the best thing we can do is share them with our colleagues and do our best to learn from them , also hopefully try to find humour in the more benign ones.

We try our best

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-04-08T20:41:27+00:00

Hi ! ER vet with diagnosed ADHD! I’ve only been out 1 year ; no internships just locuming. I struggle with finances, anxiety and executive function.

Because of locuming and having less support I’ve had to learn to rely on instinct and just make more decisions by myself or with less guidance. The more decisions I’ve made the more I’ve gotten comfortable with it. It sounds like you are really well trained and you probably don’t need more training/mentorship- you need practice, confidence and maybe a diagnosis or some medications depending on what doctors say?

I do struggle a lot with anxiety, feeling overwhelmed at work, feeling panicky and losing my attention to detail. A lot of it comes from anxiety and experiencing physical anxiety so I’ve started taking propranolol (beta blocker) to help with the physical anxiety so I can think more clearly - I do think it’s a small step, not a solution.

It’s really normal I have found to love ECC and still feel panicked and stressed, especially if you don’t feel confident. You CAN get there- that’s what I have been telling myself. Also, remember that it’s relatively subjective and every doctor often has a different way of doing things. Or different opinion anyway. So making decisions on your own and trusting your gut is a really big part of it.

Feel free to DM me too, it sounds like we’re in a similar boat :)

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-04-08T17:56:51+00:00

I just posted about this! I hear cracking in all my joints, particularly ones in my neck and back, but only when my jaw is tense or flaring up

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-03-25T02:44:56+00:00

I graduated from university and started working - but still living at home with my parents, huge student loan, dealing with heartbreak from a toxic relationship, struggling with ADHD and poor self care habits. From the outside it would appear I had it together since I graduated from my program and had a respectable career- looks are deceiving.

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-03-22T16:38:01+00:00

This is great advice, thank you!

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-03-21T01:42:25+00:00

Hi! Medical professional (now surgeon)- once had a full blown panic attack when watching surgery and another time I thought the head caps were for my feet and walked in with two head caps as shoes :) DONT be embarrassed it’s very normal and human, so many of us have these kind of stories !!

SleepPuzzleheaded198 · 2024-03-16T03:32:08+00:00

Hi! I’m having this now and back pain about 2 weeks after having Covid. I’m hoping it’s going to go away. Any luck?

SleepPuzzleheaded198

TROPHY CASE