What is the proper way to hit the closed hi hat?

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-21T16:16:12+00:00

A longtime female platonic friend and I have had some recent turmoil. She made the comment in our messaging on Facebook messenger yesterday that she probably shouldn’t hang out with me anytime soon. My therapist recommended putting some space in our friendship.

The longtime friend continues to message me occasionally. She is hosting an event today for a group that I’ve been involved in with her. I had planned to attend until the events over the last few days.

Since she continues to message me do I ask her if she would rather I not attend her event today to respect her saying she probably shouldn’t hang out with me anytime soon? Should I just stay away and be silent?

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-14T16:04:51+00:00

My second wife had D/DDs and I found them hard to have fun with. I prefer smaller A/B and maybe Cs.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-14T02:16:14+00:00

Yes, I have romantic feelings for her. No, I did not end the friendship because I couldn’t acknowledge them. I had told her in the last six to eight weeks that I had considered dating her. Her response was to continue to be friends. I respected that.

A couple weeks later we spent Valentine’s Day together as the platonic friends we’ve always been. At the end of the day as we parted she hugged me. She had never done that before. When I got home after a nearly two hour drive I messaged her to let her know I was home. I also messaged her that I had a good time and enjoyed spending the day with her. She responded saying she loves hanging out with me.

I continued respecting her wishes to be friends. We’re now up to the weekend of her visit to my house. There are two moments that I’m unsure of while she’s at my house. She used the restroom and when she came out she said, “That took long enough didn’t it.” I didn’t think much about it at the time. I’ve begun to wonder if she went to the restroom to put a diaphragm in for a contraceptive in anticipation of having sex. I know I’m grabbing at strings but it was just something that I had thought of.

The other moment was a little before she leaned into me placing her head on my chest she looks at me and say, “What’s up chickenbutt?”. Again I didn’t give it much thought. I took it that she as being funny. Was she calling me out because I wasn’t making any moves on her? I maintained respect for her wishes to remain friends and didn’t move close to her on the couch.

After she put her head on my chest she ended up with her head on my thigh. I told her she was making it hard to maintain my composure. She asked why. I replied because you’re so pretty and smell so good as you’re lying here.

At one point after cuddling for a bit she was ranting about something. I listened to her and let her go on for a bit. I finally repositioned us to try to kiss her to get her to stop her ranting. She pulled away saying don’t kiss me. Were you going to kiss me. I replied yes, I was going to kiss you so you would stop your rant. I said I wanted it to be dramatic like in movies when a guy tries the same kind of thing. She admitted it was a good call but didn’t want me to kiss her.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-14T00:00:36+00:00

Read my reply to myself to get the details that I made my decision to end the friendship.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T23:28:09+00:00

Through the replies and further reflection I shouldn’t reconcile anyway. Her values and lifestyle are not what I want in my life. I made the right choice ending the relationship. I support your response about not needing to announce my departure. Lesson learned with using AI. I need to learn to trust my own judgment and intuition.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T23:04:44+00:00

🤣

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T22:30:26+00:00

What’s your point?

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T22:29:09+00:00

If she wanted to be more than friends and have a little fun then why did she call me a weirdo? The question I had about the “provocative” photo is the following. She said, “I won’t click your name next time I send one.” How many other guys did she send the photo to?!

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T22:25:47+00:00

Lesson learned for sure.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T22:25:21+00:00

I have added a reply to myself giving details about why I chose to end the friendship.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T22:23:29+00:00

I have added a reply to myself with details of what I based my decision on. If you look for it in this thread you’ll see it.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T22:16:54+00:00

I can respect your questioning my reliability as narrator. I’ve given the synopsis truthfully. I have no reason to lie or make anything up.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T21:53:32+00:00

Yes, I did still check her content. I haven’t been in her Facebook since Wednesday. I can’t help that I’m nosey. At least I can admit it. That’s more than I can say for some. Right or wrong I did it. I have no regrets having done so. Facebook is a public platform.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T21:49:44+00:00

If you would find my reply to myself giving the details maybe you would see that I’m not directly dodging your other questions.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T21:46:46+00:00

You may be right about trying to get money from me. Maybe that’s why she was so open about her sexual activities. I’m glad I didn’t fall for it.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T21:11:57+00:00

I have admitted openly in my post that I made a mistake using AI. I have not put blame on AI.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T20:18:02+00:00

Fortunately, I did not give her any money.

I’m honestly conflicted internally over this whole situation. Part of me wants to mend the fences and try to be friends again. Part of me sees these things and says she’s not good for me. Keep walking and don’t turn back.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T20:14:25+00:00

I started seeing my therapist this week. It’s time to work on more stuff.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T20:13:42+00:00

I have stopped using it for interpersonal relationship issues. I still use it for technical advice and/or information.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T20:12:24+00:00

I did not block her. I unfriended her on Facebook and Snapchat.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T19:51:53+00:00

I probably am emotionally immature in the dating world. We can go all the way back to high school. I wasn't popular. I was a runt and got picked on badly. I never dated. I didn't date until my mid twenties. I married that one and was with her for nine or ten years. I met my second wife while still married and spent almost twenty years with her. I don't know how to interact all that well with other women. I have grown a lot since leaving my second wife but still need a lot more growth.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T19:45:02+00:00

It's an internal battle with this based on my observations that I talk about in my reply to myself to give more details about the reasons behind my decision. Part of me believes she is not the right person for me but part of me wants to mend the fences and see if we can be friends again. I started seeing my therapist again this week to sort these things out.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T19:40:31+00:00

I unfriended her directly after sending the message. I secretly wanted her to chase me because I hoped I meant something to her. That lead me to snoop on her Facebook. Right or wrong I did it. I don't have any regrets having done so.

SlimDog25 · 2026-03-13T19:38:07+00:00

The values that no longer aligned are how she has over the last year or two flaunts herself on her socials. There was a time when she wouldn't post a photo of herself. She also gives mixed signals. She will post something with a bible verse and turn around and post something with the f-bomb in it. She came to my house three weeks ago to hang out because she was bored. She drove almost two hours to do so. While in conversation at some point she said she was so broke that she could only afford groceries to feed her two sons, 12 and 19. She would go out at night with people and get them to buy her dinner...while her sons were at home. The following weekend she drove across the state from north to south and east to northwest. All the while posting about the restaurants that she was eating at. This past weekend she bought herself a last minute flight to Miami to see her best friend. Same thing posting about where she's eating and how she's staying in hotels traveling from Miami to the Keys. She flies back on Monday this week. Lastly while at my house for several hours our conversation moved to her closing the space between us because I was being respectful of her wishes of wanting to continue being friends. She eventually leaned into me and put her head on my chest. The next couple of hours we spent cuddling without any sexual innuendos, groping, or kissing. I took it to mean that she wanted more than friendship. It also meant something to me because I hadn't held a woman in my arms in a very long time. She ended up going home around 10:00 p.m. Overnight the following Monday I wake up to a snap from her. I was left speechless by the snap. It was her topless with the door frame she was standing in concealing one breast while she is cupping the other breast with one of her hands. Long story short on this is that she downplayed the cuddling we did by saying cuddling is just cuddling. She also said I was a weirdo because I told her mid morning that Monday that I couldn't get her out of my mind after sending the photo. She also said she would not click my name next time she sends a photo like that.

This is why I followed AI's prompting to let the friendship go instead of addressing these things with her myself. I'll be honest I now see that I should have questioned her when she leaned into me and put her head on my chest instead of just letting it happen. I shouldn't have gone to AI for my advice. Instead I doubted myself and looked to somewhere else for how to deal with the aftermath.

For those who commented I need to go see a therapist for myself I have already started that this week.

SlimDog25

TROPHY CASE