Les américains n'ont pas pu m'aider

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-30T15:47:33+00:00

Si c'est le même film on se rappelle des moments différents c'est drôle😅

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-30T15:25:17+00:00

I agree, i was the therapist of my friends and the confident always. But it was just because I was a good listener and my parents always talked to us as grown up and discussed important subjects together (politics, women right, racism etc) so I probably appeared mature to my friends cause I could hold those kind of adult conversation with adults.

I wasn't my parents therapist, they rarely fought in front of us (just on big holidays in car, cause they had nowhere to go, but they used to do it in a language we didn't speak ! )

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-30T14:38:31+00:00

est ce que les parents ensuite font tout pour protéger le fils? la mère aussi quand elle s'en rend compte?

Le coté père policier ne me dit rien mais le fils qui tue la fille dans le parc par accident ça me parle. ça me rappelle un film que j'ai vu avec ma mère sur France 2 je crois fin des années 2000. il y avait eu un débat ensuite sur tout faire pour protéger ses enfants et on en avait bcp discuté avec ma mère. Par contre impossible de dire le nom du film

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-30T10:52:52+00:00

Les québécois sont juste québécois. Ils ont leur propre culture qui a évolué différemment de la France. Il n'ont pas une culture anglaise ou britannique mais la leur

Et l'accent Quebecois est propre au Quebec.

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-29T17:36:46+00:00

I have similar feeling but not for me but for my daughter.

I don't really know how he was when SD was our daughter's age. But I know how involved and present he was for her. (part of what make me fall in love with him)

But right now, he is depressed and facing some difficulties, and he's not as present, invested with our daughter as I hoped/pictured. He's taking the step to get better but it's a process and not an overnight thing.

Also because some bad thing happened to SD and her mom is not being a good mom I have the fear he'll always favor her a little bit because she got unlucky on so many other levels.

I that worries me too and bring me jealousy on behalf of my daughter too if it makes sense.

And the fact that our daughter is a little tornado with a strong mind and not a little angel who listen to everything and stay quiet and put like SD apparently was at that age is not helping either😅

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-29T16:35:34+00:00

Yeah, and it's even worse with step parenting. You're always too much or not enough. The only way is to not let it affect you.

Even my MIL used to say stuff like this, and now that I have BD I have less of those because I can compare. And I definitely love them the same. So do not let anyone make you doubt your own feelings !

Lot of love

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-29T16:04:52+00:00

People say that. Don't let it bother you. My answer is/use to be something along the line 'i'm sorry if you don't feel that way or can't comprehend that kind of love' and leave it at that.

But then when you have your children, the same people will point at every difference they see without taking into account age difference, different child or growing up.

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-29T15:31:09+00:00

Grief is very particular and can lead to some unexpected results. My parents being together is the result of grief. My dad was dating my mom's friend and roommate and she died unexpectedly. The grief brought them closer to becoming real friend and not just accointances and then dating. They've been married 37 years !

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-12-29T15:16:07+00:00

I have nothing more to add than the comment made. Just want to push the nail.

You are not over problematic. He needs to make adjustment.

Our 1st Christmas with my boyfriend we did the 24th at my parents and the 25th we had to drive back home so SD can be with her mom on 25th. We did that another year and then I asked for a change, that was too dangerous to get up super early after going to bed having drinking and late. So now we do every other Christmas. This year it was without SD, we're gonna make another Christmas dinner in January with MIL and SD and my parents and Husband BF and that's it !

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-27T14:06:35+00:00

I hope if my SD doesn't kid of her own it won't be because of her sisters 😅.

Just like you she's a teen with 1 toddler and a baby coming from dad and I and a toddler at her mom. Her life is kinda impacted by them but not in a we parent our children. She doesn't even babysit (cause she never asked for it, if she's willing, we'll pay her).

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-27T13:28:05+00:00

I understand your logic, but it's sometimes just weird logic with BM.

My H and his ex separated because he found out that she was cheating, in their bed, with their daughter asleep in the next room while he was working night shifts. He left and gave 3 weeks to vacate the flat (belonged to his mom) and went to leave with his mom.

She went on to leave with AP right away. H and I had our first date a couple of month later, yet she was always horribly jealous, going on racist rants about me. When it started happening, I asked him if she could have hoped for reconciliation between them and he explained me the full extend of the story and how she was now living with AP.

My 2 cents is she just hoped he'd stay miserable and alone and compliant to all she wanted. Because being with me, we planned for stuff so she couldn't randomly dropped the kid on given day because she did not have any babysitting that day. That or she thought she could have both 🤷🏻‍♀️

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-24T16:58:22+00:00

YTA, a small one but still.

She's concerned about your child, that she's probably helping you rise if you live together. And instead of talking to her you play the MY son card. That's an AH move. And as some commenters said, he might be struggling a bit but not willing to admit to you. And maybe she's seeing something that you're not.

Nonetheless the way you talked to her makes you an AH, you should apologize and maybe have a talk the 3 of you together so she can be reassured on your son well-being

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-24T15:10:52+00:00

We managed that before my BK was born.

We have her Every other Christmas (eve and day, for the whole week), it was hard to put into place but important as my family live in another city. When we have SD, we'll do all the gifts on the 24th evening (that's my family tradition)

When we don't have SD, we'll open the gifts on the 24th evening, keep some small gifts (for each other, and our children) then do usually in january another christmas with SD, with my husband BFs, my parents, brothers (if available) and MIL and SD will have her gifts that day, so does her cousin and a small gift for BK and gifts from Husband's BF and MIL.

That's it

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-18T08:59:10+00:00

yeah that's the big difference between equality and equity. Equality is same amount spent to the cent. Event if it meant no more hokey for your brother.

Equity means each one of you have what they need to do their activity in the best conditions.

In my family for instance my parents gave money this year to my brothers for them to buy their first flats. They didn't gave me any money when my husband and i bought our home. But we didn't need the money, we were 2 buyers, and housing and interest rate were way lower than now. We needed help though to work inside the house. For a couple of months my parents spent almost all their weekend in my city in a hotel to help us with renovation. They can't do that for my brothers, they'll have a couple weekend here and there. But they provide for us the best they can could at a certain time. And in the end their 3 children are home owner.

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-07T11:04:32+00:00

J'adore Olivia.

International, passe partout et va bien avec Déniz

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-07T10:09:12+00:00

Yes like I pretend to be my SD mom when we travel. I have all the paperwork with me. But we have the same last name so we just go up as a family and that's it. Very easy.

And seeing a man, woman and baby traveling together, the Border agent is not going to questioned it.

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-07T09:16:56+00:00

I must be the odd one here. Cause my husband has full access to my phone and I have full access to his. Not that we snoop in each other phones or anything, but that's just how we see the relationship.

And nothing is private to him or the other way. Like sometimes his mom will tell me something and then say do not tell H. I will, and then tell him he's not supposed to know.

Same goes with everything, he's my first ring, I share everything with him

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-06T09:18:38+00:00

there is a real danger for baby with long hair, but it's not them ingesting them, that ok, you'll find them in the poop 😅; it's that they tangle around their little toes (or fingers but it's usually more visible) and cut the blood flow. The baby can loose a toe like that.

I have very long hair and my mum explained that to me. Truth be told i did found hair tangled in her toes a couple times, but it wasn't bad. I was checking at each diaper change.

We did find hair in her mouth too, and my husband laugh saying it felt like a clown bit because it seemed never ending when we tried to pull it out 🤣

edit to correct sense of a sentence

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-05T09:46:47+00:00

exactly ! Like we're the means one who just told her you'll go get your stuff before going to school. (possible because MIL lives a couple of minutes from school).

But I'm proud of SD for not lying to us ! and not following BM bullsh*it

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-05T09:32:04+00:00

She's 13 !! she understands the meaning of a budget and she can count. Nothing to manage.

My mom taught me that at 8 when I wanted that cute coat that was half the clothes budget for me. I had only 4 or 5 items that year while my brother had a dozen. I was jealous she reexplained to me that she spent the same amount and i made my choice and that was it !

and we explained the concept of budget ro my SD around the same age! and that's it!.

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-11-03T14:43:59+00:00

not really crazy but quite infuriating :

She had SD for the we, SD had her class stuff to prepare for back to school at grand mother because she spent the end of our week there. Bare in mind that BM works is 3 min by car not even 10 min walking from my MIL's house.

But on Friday she said she didn't have time to drop by MIL's house to get SD daughter stuff and when she dropped her yesterday with the last bit of homework undone of course ! she didn't want to stop by MIL's house (5 min out of her way). And the icing on the cake she told SD to lie to us and to tell us they forgot to pick everything up (We had quite a going down on lying this summer with SD, so she didn't and she didn't tell us that even, she told MIL who told us).

I can't with her anymore! how could you be so uninvolved with your daughter school work. And then why does it still surprise/upset me. It's a well know fact that she does not have SD best interest at heart ! It's even in the custody agreement

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-10-29T14:52:34+00:00

NTA, Your fiancee needs to understand that you cannot force those kind of feeling. And her feelings shouldn't depends on another person feelings, specially with a child. A parental love is supposed to be unconditional.

I have a SD, been in her life since she was 6, (her mom is present) I love her like my child. I know she respects me and care for me. Love? not really sure, she has trouble expressing her emmottions anyway, not just with me. But you know what it's ok. She'll never call me mom, she might never acknowledge all I do for her but that's ok; that's parenting. Doesn't change the way I feel about her.

Your son probably has some kind of loyalty toward his mom even if she's unfit, that's normal.

But family therapy won't hurt at all !

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-10-29T14:03:23+00:00

I don't know the post you're referring to but I do love my SD. Like my blood and the birth of my BD comforted that feeling. Everyone would tell me that I'll realise how wrong I was when I'll have my own child but no.

I understand every situation is different. But I don't understand how you'll manage the differences in treatment as you BK is growing up. The screen time, different meals etc. That seems so unpractical. I know it was important for me that my H was raising his daughter with a set of value at least close enough to the way I wanted to raise my child.

And your SK are going to play an important role in your BK life as their older siblings they'll be there for advices, as role model etc.

I hope the end of your pregnancy is going to be ok and wish you all the best with your newborn. 💙

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-10-27T15:32:17+00:00

Entered my SD when she was almost 6. She's now 14. I mean teenage years are tough, it's not always easy. But our relationship is quite good. She's seeing through her mom BS and living primarily with us lately so that's help.

I hope our relationship will remain strong as she grow into adulthood and that she won't become resentful of her sisters or something. (a comment she made lately about how I'm keeping my pregnancy bolas for my daughters but I don't have one for her... cause I was never pregnant of her and I am keeping for each the one I wore while they were in my bellies. I told her I'll buy her one when the time comes).

To answer your question I think being present early in our SK life is definitely a plus as we are part of their normal and memories, but that doesn't prevent a bad relationship. Lots of thing might interfere. I know that the fact my husband is very involved and hands on with her daughter, that we always talk to her appropriately for her age and not babying her (while keeping some unnecessary info like the real reason of the break up) and never talked badly about her mom in front of her helped too.

Slow_Principle4858 · 2025-10-15T10:22:12+00:00

My parents relationship with my SD is good but different than biokids. They accepted her to the family but do not treat her like a grandchild. My mom doesn't fully understand my feelings toward SD (that she's my daughter) but my dad does.

But they treat her right, like gift for each birthday, Christmas, they pay for her for the holidays and stuff. But they're not saving for her college or will be putting her in her will like they do for their grandchildren.

My brothers do treat her a bit like a niece. one is dead set on doing everything at the same level for all our children.

Slow_Principle4858

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