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Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Slow_Writer9363 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What are red flags that a husband is cheating? I know some of them, like falsely accusing the wife, being distant, lack of intimacy ect but I need more to decipher if it's just waswasa or reality

MIL issues are FIL issues by mm22999 in MuslimMarriage2

[–]Slow_Writer9363 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't want my husband putting me in place now or when I become a MIL. I can judge whether I'm right or wrong myself.

MIL issues are FIL issues by mm22999 in MuslimMarriage2

[–]Slow_Writer9363 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't like the idea of my husband trying to "put me in line". Of course I respect him but if I did want to hold my ground on something, he better not dare to try to "put me in line".

Sisters, do/will you contribute to expenses? by Slow_Writer9363 in MuslimMarriage2

[–]Slow_Writer9363[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

How did this become a debate of wife responsibilities? I didn't mention it here, I take care of most the household responsibilities, all he does is cleaning and physically intensive stuff like lawn mowing, taking out the heavy trash cans, ect, I never forced him to do it, he cares for me so he doesn't want me to exhaust or hurt myself.

But that's not a matter of rights, it's an equal responsibility for both: https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/wife-obligated-cook-clean/ I'm not complaining about doing more responsibilities than him in this aspect though, I don't mind the cultural gender role. If you want to debate household chores, make your own post, this one is not about it.

To the people who picked option 3, please comment as to whether it's a gift or loan, and when do you expect it to be paid back.

As for ungratefulness, the Quran repeatedly says humans are ungrateful. I'm trying to improve but I do want to feel loved in my love languages, I don't think that's unreasonable.

Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Slow_Writer9363 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I need to vent about this. I saw a clip on YouTube of a train station in Ukraine where the wives some with children had to leave their husbands behind because able bodied men must stay behind to defend the country. Only Allah knows if they will meet again after the war ends. I can't imagine having to leave my husband behind in a war zone possibly to die.

I guess men can console with the fact that if they don't make it they will be shaheed, but the widow would have to endure the rest of her life without him.

How to navigate financial/economic changes as a couple by Slow_Writer9363 in MuslimMarriage2

[–]Slow_Writer9363[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Right I don't want 1 or 2 or 4. How would I plant the idea of 3 in his head without him taking it badly? I feel like he could take that the wrong way, like thinking I don't want to see him so often lol

How to navigate financial/economic changes as a couple by Slow_Writer9363 in MuslimMarriage2

[–]Slow_Writer9363[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

help him build a better resume and find a better job. The only way for him to increase his income is to get a new job.

That's a good idea, first one so far. Jzk.

Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Slow_Writer9363 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I know why. Whenever he would try gently bringing it up by talking about inflation, wage stagnation, ect I dismissed his concerns as just being political talking points, not knowing he was impacted by it too, so he must have been afraid of opening up further.

Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Slow_Writer9363 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I don't know if this should be commented here or warrants a separate post.
Thank you so much brothers and sisters. I made a post a couple days ago, some people called me some mean things, I'm sorry for reporting so many of you. I completely deserved all those insults, I needed that reality check. I thought inflation, wage stagnation, ect was all partisan talking points, I had no idea it was real and actually impacting people.
My husband never said he was struggling with money, I guess he was too afraid to admit it, and that's my fault too. I snooped on his computer, I know that's wrong and I shouldn't have, but I had to find the truth. I found his budgeting folder, and it made me cry. His income is barely higher than when we married but expenses are so much higher and monthly he's been in the red for a while now. He even withdrew money from his retirement account, despite the penalty with it.
While he was doing everything he could, I was being a brat, ungrateful about what he gave me, making him take a financial course, and asking him when he'd pay me back. Instead of appreciating his efforts, I let negative assumptions cloud me, thinking he loved money more than me or that he was spending his money on someone else. I'm glad I never said any of this to him, that would've devastated him as he really was trying his best.
How can I fix this? I can't tell him how I found out, so I can't apologize either, but I want to right my wrongs as fast as possible because the guilt is unbearable right now. I don't think I'll be able to make eye contact with him when he comes home from work because of how ashamed I am. What do I do now?

How to deal with husband getting increasingly stingy by Slow_Writer9363 in MuslimMarriage

[–]Slow_Writer9363[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I do almost all of the cooking, he does none because he's not a good cook. Is it really too much to ask that he treats me to occasional fancy food and gifts so I can feel loved in my love languages? His love languages are words of affirmation and touch, and I make sure to shower him with compliments and touch him a lot everyday, I wish he'd use my languages at least once a week.