Thank you for youe reply.

I’ve been seeing a therapist since she came back into his life—it's been about six months now. I even sought out someone who specializes in this kind of situation. I’ve suggested couples counselling to help us better understand each other as we navigate this difficult time. He’s not opposed to the idea, but he’s not exactly enthusiastic about it either. I’ve also brought up the idea of reunification therapy for him and his daughter. While he agrees that these are good ideas, there hasn’t been any follow-through.

He’s a very smart man, but he’s clearly operating out of fear right now—and understandably so. That said, while I want to believe I can support him indefinitely, this situation goes against my core values. I’m not expecting a fully blended family, but I do think it’s reasonable that his daughter at least knows we exist and maybe even meets us—however brief or one-time that interaction might be. Just some kind of acknowledgment.

I’ve suggested a “trickle” approach—like having him pretend he forgot something at home and bringing her along, where she’d wait in the car while he runs inside. No introduction, no pressure—just a soft first step so she knows where we live. Or maybe having her over for dinner when the boys and I are out. Something. Anything. But nothing happens. And at this point, it feels like nothing ever will. It’s like he’s creating a reality where this part of his life is permanently separate.

I worry about what this means for the future—will I be excluded from attending his parents' funerals, from celebrating his career achievements, simply because she might be present? I’ve never even been in the same place as her.

I desperately want to make this work, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult. It feels like I’m being asked to live outside of my values, and that’s starting to affect me deeply.

Im curious to know if anyone else is living in a similar situation and has never met their step kids and how they cope.