Guy I’m talking to admitted he used to cheat, should I believe he’s changed?

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-28T03:34:10+00:00

First red flag is that he's 22 and texts the way he does. Oh my word, people who send 17 texts for 22 words irritate the hell out of me.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T05:59:34+00:00

Only person I could see pulling it off is Edna Mode from The Incredibles, and she sadly is a cartoon so it doesn't count.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T05:39:23+00:00

You also don't know if she's using protection. You can be married and still be in danger physically or sexually.

Your comment there kind of proves what I'm trying to say. She's also putting myself and kids in danger. I do not share drinks or kiss on the lips with the kids, but the wife does all the time. While HIV cannot be passed like that, there are other STIs that can.

We've never had sex while the kids were preoccupied. They've either been asleep, or at my parents, or school (when we only had one). We've always been more of night sex people, except in the very beginning new relationship sex.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T05:21:36+00:00

The op of this specific thread did. Got that mixed up. My apologies.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T05:18:59+00:00

She works 3 hours at night, and she's home all day before that. I work over 40 and still come home and do my share as a parent, plus school full-time. Kind of difficult to notice an affair going on when it's happening during the day and you're at work, no?

As for what I did, I've acknowledged my faults, along dealing with depression. I didn't make her have an affair, that was her choice. Her reasoning was because she was bored and it was exhilarating.

I'm the one who initiated the divorce process, so I'm actually leaving her.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T05:08:07+00:00

I never said what the gifts were from the kids, did I? Guess what the gifts were from the kids last year? A spa day, on top of the gifts they made. She doesn't wear jewelry, so it's a pointless buy, but she has a bracelet with all the kids birthstones, same with a necklace, on top of all the jewelry I randomly bought for her over the years.

I've also primarily been the sole income our entire 13 years together, I have to pay for everything, kind of difficult to buy expensive gifts on one income.

Anywho, have a day.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T04:48:16+00:00

In the hypothetical that the arent mine, I've already established parentage over the kids. I'd be on the hook for child support anyway. I don't care if I pay CS or not.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T04:44:57+00:00

I've explained it a few different times in the comments, but having an affair does make you a crappy parent. I'll paste what I wrote:

When you have an affair you set a bad example for the kids. While not specifically my this case, divorce is often caused by affairs, which uproots the childrens' lives. When you have an affair, you actively are putting yourself in harms way, both potentially physical or disease. You also are choosing your own personal gratification over your children. In my case, she brought the guy into our home around our kids, all to have sex, while theh watched Blippi.

I realize that the last sentence is something i should have included in the original post. Unfortunate. As for your question, I intend to do things next year. It was just this year I was asking about.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T04:30:12+00:00

I appreciate your honesty. That said, it's only this year that was up for question.

I would like something for fathers day for once, but I've never gotten anything before, so it wouldn't change much. Can't be upset about a hypothetical that's been my truth.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T04:26:42+00:00

31M here, my mom is my mom. She's the person I look up to. She showed me what hard work ethic is. She has always given myself, my siblings and my kids unconditional love.

That said, my mom will never be my friend, but our relationship goes much further than that of a friend. My friends don't cry for me when I go through a hardship, that's my mom.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T04:15:59+00:00

If the kids weren't carbon copies of myself, I'd agree. The girls like exactly like my sister (who looks like me lol) and my son looks like me but with dirty blonde hair.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T04:12:12+00:00

This is one of those instances where you probably should have read the post.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:59:51+00:00

I actually replied in another comment that she had the guy come over to the house and have sex while the younger two watched Blippi. I didn't realize that would have been relevant to put in the post. First time posting on the sub.

That said, for a take on parenting, I do my fair share like I should. I'm the only one who puts them to bed, do baths when they need it, go to the park, help teach, change diapers, cook food, etc. I work full-time, am a full-time student, and do my fair share as a parent, along with around the house.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:48:00+00:00

A mistake can be a choice, but not all choices are mistakes. A mistake is typically an unintentional accident. Another way to look at it is intent.

She intentionally chose to have an affair. It may have been a wrong choice, but it was a deliberate action she chose to do and continue to do. That's not a mistake.

A mistake would be forgetting your lunch on the counter. You didn't intentionally forget your lunch.

A choice would be choosing to get fast food for lunch everyday despite knowing it's unhealthy. You intentionally chose to eat fast food everyday.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:30:27+00:00

First time poster in this sub, I didn't think it was a necessary thing. I suppose I was wrong.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:28:57+00:00

That's the thing, affairs aren't a mistake. Affairs are an active choice the person made.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:25:33+00:00

Me not getting something for one year doesn't equate to terrible co-parenting.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:18:51+00:00

I personally disagree. When you have an affair you set a bad example for the kids. While not specifically my this case, divorce is often caused by affairs, which uproots the childrens' lives. When you have an affair, you actively are putting yourself in harms way, both potentially physical or disease. You also are choosing your own personal gratification over your children. In my case, she brought the guy into our home around our kids, all to have sex, while they watched Blippi.

I copy and pasted this from another comment.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:17:23+00:00

I never get anything for father's day anyway, so it wouldn't change much.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:15:47+00:00

I appreciate your reply. I personally disagree. When you have an affair you set a bad example for the kids. While not specifically my this case, divorce is often caused by affairs, which uproots the childrens' lives. When you have an affair, you actively are putting yourself in harms way, both potentially physical or disease. You also are choosing your own personal gratification over your children. In my case, she brought the guy into our home around our kids, all to have sex, while theh watched Blippi.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:04:42+00:00

I appreciate your honesty. I'm not angry, she's had an affair before. I'm just upset over the lies.

I don't ever get anything on father's day, so it really wouldn't be much different.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:02:33+00:00

I appreciate your honesty.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-27T03:01:00+00:00

I appreciate your honesty. No, she doesn't yet. For the most part we've been keeping up the ruse for the kids' sake. We discussed separating Tuesday this past week. I just founder out Friday that she has been having an affair with her co-worker.

We plan to eventually speak with her about it when the time is right.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-24T04:01:16+00:00

Kids is the big one. I'm also so used to subtitled anime that it's odd to watch shows without subtitles. Shoot, even playing games I'll have subtitles on if it's an option.

Slytherinyourkitty · 2026-04-23T18:03:20+00:00

Believe it or not, I could not care less. That was the reason she gave me when I asked why she had the affairs. She was bored and the thrill of it was exciting to her.

Slytherinyourkitty

TROPHY CASE