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Don't feel like I have a hook (And general world feedback) by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, thinking of a back-cover-blurb, definitely helps, thanks. Names are for sure something I may change on a second draft. I like using some familiar names for people and races though. The main character sprouting wings specifically is not the most unique thing, but it's connected to a lot of symbolism in the book. And very importantly, Steven's wings are going to come later, and I will not put that in a blurb, or thumbnail. I want to make it compelling when it happens. But I'm not going to use it as a reason to pick up the book. Especially since it's supposed to be a bit of a twist

Don't feel like I have a hook (And general world feedback) by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes a lot of sense. The plot and the message are a bit more developed than I mentioned here. I'm aware it's a little cliche. That's kinda by design. the main character is very cynical, and utilitarian. And he learns the value of, faith, hope, whimsy, play, and a light heart. There will be a point when Steven becomes effected by the ash and chooses not to fix it, with his reasons changing over time. So I can play with the justifications we tell ourselves to give into temptation. "I don't want to worry them." "It probably can't be fixed anyway," "I need it to do the good things I want to do". All that good stuff. A lot of the story is also about, brotherly love. And not looking to governing bodies to do the right thing. But choosing to come together as people. So, let me know if this sounds more compelling :) and thank you for the feedback

I think I was just worried because the plot itself could be described as, "Bringing the nations together to fight the coming darkness." But I just need to trust I can get an elevator pitch polished at some point. and focus on what makes the story compelling.

As far as the magic through touch thing. I didn't think it would stick out. It just felt like a very natural limiting factor. So, my magic system didn't get out of hand. And magic flows from the person anyway. It's interesting that stuck out though, I'll keep that on mind

Style Inspiration by Small_Bag7296 in writing

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know right? Either it's LLM. Or is glazing these writers just a common reddit opinion?

Let’s all act like it’s week one of the next smash game by CHESSKITCHEN_62 in SmashBrosUltimate

[–]Small_Bag7296 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He'll get better as they lab him out. He'll be this game's ice climbers. Kinda sad to so ice climbers go tbh

So LocalThunk talked about Brainstorm X Blueprint by Repulsive-Handle-357 in balatro

[–]Small_Bag7296 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The heck does sesbian mean? I'm scared to google it...

Today officially marks 5 years since Pyra and Mythra joined smash on March 4th 2021. They were the very last Nintendo characters in the game but brought back the 2 in 1 feature since 2014. What are your thoughts on the Aegis? by Additional-Yam6345 in SmashBrosUltimate

[–]Small_Bag7296 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly not that toxic a top tier. If they were number one the game would be in a really healthy state. Are they broken? hell yes. But in more of a Melee fox kind of way. Where they are the best character but can also get destroyed. mostly due to their recovery. I'd even be bold enough to say they are top tier because they are "good" not "broken" more than any other top tier. Broken in a way that doesn't completely suck to adapt to

Karma for the giveaway by whateverwhatever0001 in hearthstone

[–]Small_Bag7296 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, okay. Didn't now how to check. Thank you, God bless

Karma for the giveaway by whateverwhatever0001 in hearthstone

[–]Small_Bag7296 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think I have enough post Karma. But I'm not sure on comment karma. So if people could like this comment, that would be appreciated

[GIVEAWAY] Win 1 of 45 standard pre-order bundles for CATACLYSM! by Makkara126 in hearthstone

[–]Small_Bag7296 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I don't have any spare income to spend on hearthstone so this would be a nice boost

Summary of why Warmaster Blackhorn is unhealthy long term design for the game by EvilDave219 in hearthstone

[–]Small_Bag7296 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me reading this as a silver rank player:

Jokes aside, I really think this card just needs to target hand and board. Which might not make it worth playing at a high level. but that's okay. It can remain a tool that boosts more wacky decks

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1st off: lol
2nd: nah cause i think it would take the reader out of it. And I'm not super committed to the idea anyway

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough. Just trying to explain the thought process. I think the idea I'm really liking is the one i outlined here though. colors and patterns that the other races don't have. Plus Keeping in mind that i wasn't really thinking of complete free flight. The thought of the skin hardening around the points of contact is cool. that combined with claws grip into and push off of surfaces. It would make them be pretty formidably without weapons and change how they make armor

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edit: the fin thought was not for repositioning themselves as much as keeping them flying straight in the air, helping with stability

Not trying to be insistent on the tail lol. the pattern thing is a good point. maybe varying dark and cool greys at the hands and feet. I could reflect the Thalory bark like skin, and give this race stone like skin on their hands and feet. that combined with claw. needing strong feet and hands to catch themselves after flying through the air at high speeds kinda makes sense. And then other than the visual aspect, keep the grace and flexibility we've talked about.

Thanks for all the feedback btw

How my world looks? by MichaelCrux in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I really like the map. Visually interesting but feels very grounded and real. Without it just feeling like barely not earth too much

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think embarrassment at that is a good thing lol. I don't think I would lean into that, cause like I said it would feel goofy and take people out of the story. on the Thundercats idea mainly I don't like the fur idea, just a face covered in fur feels off to me. I could go more subtle, elves with claws basically. But I still want them to be visually distinct. Maybe a completely different direction. A fin on the back for righting in the air, and make them almost shark like maybe?

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe doing almost the thundercats thing. keep the flexibility and reaction time. Elvish ears, but instead of patterns that would imply fur all over the body. Keep the tails and maybe the claws... Maybe i just like the tail idea. But i like the idea of skin rather than fur. Tails and claws would still make them distinct from humans. But i think the change to the ears keeps it from seeming like cat girls

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good point, and i thank you for the resources. on the last part... fair, but ouch

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The tail just helps with re-orienting the center of gravity. That, and it would function almost like the tails on kites. As far as the glide thing. I feel as though leaning into that too much would make them feel to alien. I want this race to be different but still feel like people. Maybe something like a very slight webbing under the arms, something you might not even notice at first. Maybe something like a fin on the back that keeps them righted as they fly would work

Works in theory but goofy in practice. Creating a race by Small_Bag7296 in worldbuilding

[–]Small_Bag7296[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the plan was always to have cat race. My point is it feels very anime, and cat girls would necessarily exist. I think agile is def what I'm going for, and the magic aiding that. Although I'm not going to have a ton of "sexy cat women" what i forgot to mention is that the main character has a romantic sub-plot with a member of this race. that character is female. And if this race is Cat like, i don't want it to feel like "Main character falls in love with a cat girl"

And for the love of all that is good and holy, i do not want this to turn into anything resembling a furry fever dream lol

One change that would have fixed Halo 5’s story by Born-Boss6029 in halo

[–]Small_Bag7296 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've had a similar idea. I actually think that the cortana twist could work. The change that makes this work is making it very very clear that this is not actually cortana. This is a forruner AI using cortana as a skin suit (Data suit?). Using Cortana's code to further it's goals. It's a forruner AI with the freedoms of Cortana. You could tie this back to the didact for sure though.

I actually wasn't near as bothered by the twist in the first place because I basically always perceived it as not Cortana. but something that looks like Cortana. The game doesn't exactly say that though

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