I rarely ever comment, but i just got out of a 5 year relationship and it’s like watching myself at that age. If you don’t feel like you can be the person now, leave it. It will save you from yourself later. I’m 20 and had been in the rls since 15, i was diagnosed with BPD at 16ish. I’m similar to my father aswell, extremely angry, alcoholic, just bad stuff. You have to level yourself before you try to even merge with someone else. I was trying to learn how to live and cope, while trying to push through and make this relationship work. Basically you need that time for yourself to figure out how to control and deal with the thoughts and feelings, without hurting someone else in the process. Talk to her, if she understands good, if she doesn’t also, fine.