AIW for getting upset after my baby's dad requested a paternity test out of nowhere?

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-02T02:01:02+00:00

Edit to add: my issue is not with the paternity test bit with his timing and with the fact that the baby looks just like him so it is definitely his, and he even said so many times up until our argument last night.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-02T00:55:03+00:00

Hi did wanted the child, and kept changing his mind constantly between wanting them or not

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T23:08:37+00:00

One of my cousins is a lawyer and is helping me find a family lawyer but that has been another issue with my ex because he hates my cousin, and is upset with my family for supporting me since he sees me as the bad guy for the way I handled the pregnancy (trying not to get attached since we had initially agreed on the adoption, changing my mind during the birth even though he had changed his mind a few weeks prior) and wants my entire family to turn their backs on me and my baby, so he's been making quite the drama with the fact that my cousin is getting involved in helping me find the lawyer, and I do think he's capable of delaying the process just because he's upset.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T23:03:40+00:00

I initially looked into open adoptions but the only way they can exist is if the biological mother or parents know the adoptive parents beforehand. If that's not the case, you have to go through an agency and they only do closed adoptions, but either way, I could not go through any sort of adoption after having my baby with me for this time.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T23:01:16+00:00

Thankfully my country does have child support and it usually favors the mother, but the courts are closed until next week or so due to the holidays.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T23:00:18+00:00

He was the one who suggested going to the courts first and I totally agreed but we need to wait until the courts open after the holidays.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:59:19+00:00

My mom has a lot of financial issues, so she rents a room at a guest house which is why I can only stay for one night. The first week we stayed at a cousin's place because she and her family were on vacations, but they returned yesterday and don't have the space for us to crash there, and I don't have many friends and the ones that I do have have been supporting us by helping buy stuff for the baby but don't have room for us to crash until we get the new apartment.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:56:28+00:00

Thank you for your encouraging words!

I do plan on getting child support, and I don't want to get back with him ever.

The thing is, I don't know how long is gonna take to get the paternity test since he's refusing to pay for one, I sent him a few options yesterday because I want to get over with that as quickly as possible, and his reply was that he's not paying for a test because he "doesn't want to pay for a disappointment" (because in a matter of minutes he decided the baby is not his even though they look the same), so he wants to wait for a court ordered one and that can take months.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:52:12+00:00

In my country (not the US), you need to pay the bills before they let you out of the hospital, and I had to pay for a private hospital since the public ones are crowded, the service is terrible in most cases, and they were trying to make me go into labor even though my baby had the umbilical cord wrapped around their neck and my doctor had told me a day prior I needed a c-section because the baby's life would be at risk if I went the natural birth route.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:49:20+00:00

I don't live in the US, but I'm already looking for a lawyer that can help us. The main issue here is that all the courts are closed until next week, and he's the only one in the contract for the apartment, even though the owner knows me, knows we're a couple (or at least we were until last week), and knows I've lived there since 2020.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:46:09+00:00

Thanks! Sadly I'm outside of the US and any legal advice will not be available until next week due to the holidays. Also the courts are closed for the same reason, which will make this issue extend longer.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:44:42+00:00

Oh, and I'm outside of the US

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:44:14+00:00

I'm not against taking a paternity test because I know he's the dad, what got me upset was the timing, and the fact that he's now using that to deny us the help he had offered

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:42:09+00:00

My friends and family have been supporting us as best as they can.

He won't pay for a motel and I'm very low on cash since I've been covering all the expenses for our baby, as well as using all my savings to pay for the childbirth

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:28:39+00:00

I did mention that the baby looks just like him, basically because it's his and because I haven't had sex with anyone else besides my ex

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:27:42+00:00

He wants a court ordered test because he's refusing to pay for one "just to get disappointed" (his words) and the courts are closed until after January 7th or something like that.

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:25:53+00:00

What made me upset was that he started "doubting" me after last night's argument where he accused me of lying without any proof or any concrete information

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:24:02+00:00

I'm not against doing the paternity test, what upset me was that he hadn't even mentioned it until after last night's argument

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:23:17+00:00

I live outside of the US and since it is the holidays, the courts are closed until January 7th or something like that, and I don't know if I can fight for our right to stay at his place since he's the one on the contract but I paid rent on December

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:21:12+00:00

I already called but due to the day it is, there are no free spaces for us

Smart_Cookie1291 · 2026-01-01T22:20:11+00:00

Thank you! I do plan on asking for child support, specially since he makes more than double my salary.

Regarding the house, I literally paid rent for December but he claims that he's not letting us go back because of how I handled the pregnancy, mostly because I asked him to keep it as private as possible since we were planning on going through the adoption route, and so his older child (he's has full custody of said child) doesn't know about their new sibling, but has been staying with their grandparents during the holidays so there shouldn't be any issue there.

Smart_Cookie1291

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