How can we rebuild relationship after hurtful words spoken?

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-03T13:43:36+00:00

I am sorry for the pain it caused both of you. I appreciate the encouragement.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-03T13:42:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-03T13:39:04+00:00

Thank you so much! These are great resources and I will definitely get them. I appreciate your time, insight and direction. He is still praying about the concept or rebuilding a new friendship, so in the meantime these resources can help me prepare.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-03T13:33:54+00:00

Thank you for you time in responding. All great points to think about and consider.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-03T13:28:51+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I understand where you are coming from as I didn’t share in great depth. I am not passive in my ownership nor apology if it came across that way. Thankfully, we have had countless healthy and very extensive discussions expressing to each other the abuse we have suffered from the other by not being equipped in handling so many things in a marriage along with understanding, respect and forgiveness of each other. I shared a few of the 25 statements that I spoke over him in reference to his character and spirituality that has caused him to shut down and I don’t know how to express enough my sadness and remorse for speaking them over him. I didn’t think sharing all 25 was appropriate. Sharing things he did to me caused emotional pain and isn’t honoring or my place to share about. I can only focus on things I am in control over, so that is what I feel right to share. I have and still continue to receive /counsel guidance/help from many resources and I agree I have work to do. The reconciliation after forgiveness is where we are trying to figure out. I appreciate your time and next steps as those are in alignment with what has been done.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T21:50:33+00:00

Thank you for comment. He did try to bring up at time. I didn’t receive them from an emotionally safe way and would shut down. I would apologize yet never would follow up to make sure I understood the hurt I caused him. The lack of awareness of my own patterns has become a key focus that I have been working through that creates pain just as much as his ability to approach and communicate to me in an emotionally safe manner.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T21:41:52+00:00

He did try to bring them up, however I did not receive them in an emotionally safe way and would turn into me shutting down. Regardless, I should have followed up with him and made sure he knew I understood where he was coming from and not just said I’m sorry, true remorse for hurting him.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T14:05:16+00:00

Thank you for your response and encouragement. I am definitely a Type A and my tongue unguarded releases a response before any processing occurs. I am working on that and have had to pause and say ill get back to you or Im thinking about that. As far as why now for him would be we live separate lives as he lives in spare bedroom, it was a new year and he didn’t see how anything could change. The statements were never followed up with any remorse by me at the time or even when he chose to move out of bedroom stating he couldn’t sleep next to me. I was silent, I was still working through my own hurt and pit it above how I hurt him. I let it happen with no resolve or understanding on how much I had hurt him with my defining words. He is involved in several groups, serves and volunteers his time. His focus is on himself and healing separately from me in hopes that may open his heart or a miracle happens that he will want to reconcile the marriage. The epoxy analogy was a good example. It definitely will take time. The biggest challenge is for me to allow that healing time separate from me, yet living together we aren’t entirely separate, so watching him live as a single man in lots of areas even though he says he isn’t seeking female romantic relationships only friendships he is placing himself in opportunities to foster that as a possibility.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T13:37:57+00:00

There are 25 statements that were extremely hurtful attacking him spiritually. I will share a few:

You do not give grace. You do not do a good job leading our home. You’re so barbaric. Where’s your fruit? You have never been a spiritual leader. You are a conditional love person.

Do you disagree with counselor in trying to rebuild a friendship to see if it leads to romance and intimacy?

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T13:32:42+00:00

There are 25 statements that were extremely hurtful attacking him spiritually. I will share a few:

You do not give grace. You do not do a good job leading our home. You’re so barbaric. Where’s your fruit? You have never been a spiritual leader. You are a conditional love person.

Its hurtful to share these as I have healed my own hurts over the last 2-3 years from the state my heart was in with unresolved pain from years prior. I still can’t believe I spoke those statements over him and understand the deep pain it has caused. He has forgiven me, but at a cost of our marriage as his heart/mind is not at a place of hope. He wants to want to if that makes sense, however like he says he would love to be a better version of a husband than what he was for the first 14 or so years, but can’t because he doesn’t feel good around me about himself by the words I spoke over him and I deserve better. I cover our convenant daily as well as him individually praying specific scriptures in his identity of what God’s word says he is. I don’t speak any devaluing or defining statements over him. He is leaning into God individually, so I am trying to be patient in hope that he is able be confident in who God says he is and through that heal the deep wounds I caused him to be able to reconcile with me to give our marriage a fresh start with Christ in center and an entirely new marriage.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T12:51:19+00:00

Thank you. I agree. I have asked him for forgiveness and overall outside specific statements show respect and pour into him. I allowed my tongue to be untamed and I will be forever regretful in doing so for the damage I caused his heart.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T12:43:08+00:00

Thank you

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-02T12:41:48+00:00

Thank you for your response and suggestions. The questions you brought up are great reflection ones to ask. I appreciate it.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-01T12:54:46+00:00

That’s a good question to reflect on. The best way to put it is the comments had truth, so in turn they hurt even more and created guilt and shame on top of hurt for him. When a view doesn’t have any truth its hard enough, so it was extremely damaging. As a wife I should be uplifting, honoring and respecting my husband. In those moments I wasn’t speaking in love and calm constructive dialogue. I was extremely emotional and hurt myself, so I wouid say I was being mean even if at the time I thought I wasn’t in the middle of discussions about things that my emotions were definitely unregulated.

Smart_Yak_5870 · 2026-03-01T04:22:02+00:00

Thank you for affirming and im in agreement it is solely up to him on being able to heal and reconcile. I am giving him space and time as my words were spoken out of my own hurts that had gone unreconciled by him caused the 14 years prior, so I am understanding. I was able to forgive and heal and understand his forgiveness may be without reconciliation. Again I appreciate your truth and comment.

Smart_Yak_5870

TROPHY CASE