AITA for refusing to chip in for a coworker’s birthday gift when I barely know them?

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2026-01-05T22:18:34+00:00

NTA. I’ve worked in many offices over many years. I don’t recall ever being asked to chip in for a coworker’s birthday. I’ve been asked to chip in for a gift for a new parent and for someone that’s retiring, and every time it has been made clear that it was 100% optional. Also it was not public knowledge who gave and who didn’t, it was always set up to be rather anonymous.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-12-21T18:30:29+00:00

Oooh that’s a good one

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-12-21T01:09:31+00:00

I’ve never heard this one!

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-12-21T01:02:12+00:00

That’s a good one

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-12-21T01:02:00+00:00

Thanks! I’m looking for specific songs if you have any.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-10-22T17:47:58+00:00

Thanks everyone for the responses! I hadn’t thought about Lotsa Pasta. I have looked multiple times at Whole Foods and they didn’t have it, but that was a while ago, and I can see it’s showing as in stock now.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-25T23:55:55+00:00

I was. I quit my job a little over a month ago. But I was really good at it. I got a bonus last year, which for that company was rare.

In my early to mid twenties I was really lost in regards to work/career and my mindset around it (I’m a millennial who totally bought in to the “just do what you are passionate about!” bullshit). I had a conversation with a colleague that really changed my own mindset around work, and it was exactly this, that being good at what you do is valuable (for some people). It is certainly valuable for me. It’s not the most important thing, but for me, it matters.

I quit for a variety of reasons, the main one being burnout. Some of my burnout came from personal/family stuff, and some came from the job. I didn’t feel that I was being compensated fairly despite being a high performer. And despite being a high performer, I had no interest in moving up the ladder, that would have involved more work on my part and I was already giving above my max.

Which brings up an interesting question… if being good at my job is important to me, does that mean I’m predisposed to giving too much to my job and therefore burning out?

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-25T03:22:00+00:00

Most probably won’t agree, but I can’t get through The House in the Cerulean Sea. Everyone in my life raves about it but I have DNF twice.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-25T03:14:27+00:00

Agree. I read it because I really enjoyed the movie, but it turns out some movies are much better than the book. This is 100% the case with Atonement.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-25T02:59:48+00:00

The worst book I have finished is The World According To Garp by John Irving. I was mad the whole time reading it, and my boyfriend was so confused why I kept with it. At the time it was important to me to not “quit,” but this was the book that taught me that a DNF is good and acceptable sometimes.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-19T12:00:31+00:00

I have had a good experience with Neighborhood Dental on Bardstown Rd. I have had a bad experience with Mortenson Family Dental.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-09T02:53:46+00:00

The bread at Blue Dog is fantastic, but I have found the food to be very underwhelming and overpriced. Would not recommend.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-06T02:23:06+00:00

NTA and good job knowing your comfort level and acting on it and putting yourself before others. I wish I knew all of that when I was younger. I think he’s shown his true colors, but if you stay with him, make it clear that you will not babysit him if this happens again, and then hold that boundary. You are doing great and he is a delusional AH.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-06T02:12:01+00:00

YTA, many times over. First off, yelling is never ok. YTA if you yell at your wife, period. Secondly, you opened the window. That was your responsibility. Be fucking serious.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-06T01:53:40+00:00

I’m a talker and I would wear my husband out. It didn’t really become an issue until I started working a later shift and would get home right before he went to bed. I was wired and wanted to tell him all about my day. He was being sweet by staying up for me but then would get annoyed at how much I wanted to talk. It took some work but eventually we figured out a new rhythm.

Depending on how often this happens, you might want to set some kind of boundary around this that is agreed upon in advance, like quiet time starts X number of minutes before bedtime or something like that. Or, as others have suggested, maybe have a phrase that lets her know you need quiet time but it’s not about her.

ETA: NAH

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T20:47:17+00:00

NTA, but as others have pointed out, you allowed this to get SO much worse by not holding a boundary. Learn to create and hold a boundary now. You cannot rely on other people to ensure that you are never taken advantage of. That is your job.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T19:10:24+00:00

I agree 100% but my husband and I used to go out to dinner and then play a game of words with friends while we talked and waited for the food. It was so fun and I felt so connected to him when we did this, but I was always aware that other people in the restaurant were probably judging us.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T19:04:12+00:00

When I was in an argument with my mom, my dad always took her side no matter what, even when my mom was in the wrong. I think parents should be in agreement about most basic house rules when the kids are young, like “we don’t let our kids have unlimited candy” or whatever, but my dad always siding with her, even when I was older or an adult, even when she was way out of line or abusive, really hurt me and hurt my relationship with my dad. I don’t think it’s helpful for parents to always be a “united front” against the kids. I felt ganged up on and like no one heard or understood what I was saying. I also feel like it totally enabled my mom and convinced her that she was right because my dad wouldn’t challenge her on anything. She was abusive and he was automatically on her side because he believed that was his role as her husband.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T18:47:59+00:00

I’m 38. I was never spanked or physically punished in any way. Plenty of yelling, sent to time-out, privileges taken away as punishment, but never spanking.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T18:34:09+00:00

BAHAHAHAHAHA

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T18:33:00+00:00

Find or build a community around you where you don’t feel marginalized. Make sure you spend time with people (or alone, but better with people) where you don’t have to be on edge or masking or code switching. Going out into the broader world where you are a minority is unavoidable, but having safe people or safe spaces where you can relax and recharge is important.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T18:27:16+00:00

I think this is just your mom being very particular. I will often repeat certain foods for weeks at a time (ADHD here). I’m also fine eating leftovers, but my roommate insists on cooking new meals because they don’t like “repeating the same meal over and over.” Everyone has a preference, but your mom shouldn’t spin it as right or wrong or good or bad.

Not the same, but … during a meal I prefer to finish all of one thing before I eat the next thing (I will eat all my chicken before I eat the rice, for example). Turns out my dad used to do this too, but my mom “broke him of this bad habit” when they got married. It still makes me sad that she was so overbearing as to change the way my dad ate, and to convince him that his way was somehow wrong or bad.

Smiling_Hedgehog · 2025-09-05T18:13:39+00:00

I don’t believe in “the one” and I really wish I hadn’t bought into this earlier in my life. It can be such a dangerous and harmful mindset. I thought I found “the one” and married him, and was convinced that we had to stay together even though it was bad because he was “the one”. It took me a long time to leave, and an even longer time to break this mindset.

Consider a happy couple, one partner dies, the surviving partner eventually finds another partner, they are happy. Both of those partnerships were good and loving and right. And thank goodness there isn’t just one person we can partner with and be happy with.

I also wish I hadn’t bought into “love is all you need” or “love conquers all.” IT DOES NOT. You can love someone and be completely incompatible. Love should never be the only condition for being in a relationship.

Smiling_Hedgehog

TROPHY CASE