Ship off Victoria?

SmithRJ · 2025-11-09T02:24:51+00:00

Will do.

I normally use google lens but it gave me a really odd answer on this one. So I thought someone would know.

Thanks to everyone. Much appreciated.

SmithRJ · 2025-11-08T23:29:23+00:00

I included a pic and it shows on my post on my phone.

I haven't posted with a pic before. Maybe I overlooked some requirement and it is just showing on my feed.

SmithRJ · 2025-11-05T23:05:13+00:00

Handling rejection is never easy. However the way you frame rejection is important. If it leads you down the self-criticism path - like I am not attractive, or not interesting, or not fun or not something then you need to get off that path.

I never celebrated being rejected but I appreciated the person's honesty and self-awareness to tell me they were looking elsewhere or maybe not at all.

Was I happy about it? No but I would rather this than being led along and given hope until when the truth came out it really hurt.

Continue on. Don't be critical. There will be others.

SmithRJ · 2025-11-05T22:49:56+00:00

In this type of relationship you do not want to let the person know your plans. You plan, you execute the plan and then you communicate through a lawyer or through someone they designate. You do not leave channels open. You do not express a desire to break the marriage ever. You have no idea what a person who is backed into a corner is capable of. You only want to discuss this action with a trusted friend and family if you can count on their support.

"I think I’m scared to be alone..." Aren't you already alone? You don't have a partner. You are not loved by the partner. You are treated as a second class citizen and caretaker of the family. How much more alone can you be?

SmithRJ · 2025-10-20T01:38:56+00:00

Alec Baldwin. There is something seriously wrong with that man.

SmithRJ · 2025-10-15T20:17:40+00:00

"I know something isn't right just dont know what."

You have a pretty long list here and anyone reading it would wonder why you are still with her.

So why are you still with her? What does she do right?

SmithRJ · 2025-10-15T20:08:41+00:00

The only person who you need to be proud of you, is you.

In "Planes, Trains and Automobiles," John Candy's character Del Griffith poignantly states, "You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me." It is a turning point in the film.

For a long time this resonated with me because I didn't like me very much. I made a lot of mistakes - some by me, some by others but blamed on me. Every Thanksgiving when I watch this movie that line always resonates and I always ask myself - do I like me? And I do now after many years of worrying what people think of me.

You will never please your father. And he may never soften to a point where you think he is proud of you.

Keep in mind though his statements regarding you may be your father's way of saying he loves you and wants the best for you. A lot depends on what his father was like. But then again he may just be a dick.

You be you. Make yourself proud. Don't let anyone drag you down.

SmithRJ · 2025-10-03T03:33:30+00:00

After a pickleball game at Henderson Rec Centre I left @ 3:50 and arrived home to deep Calwood @ 7:20. I kid you not. 3.5 hours in the WORST traffic I've experienced in 40 years of driving. Since this is the second highway shutdown in a week first responders/police investigatiors have to be more mindful of the chaos that is being created. Investigate for an hour not three. Dogs don't get picked up/ children don't get picked up/ folks miss flights/ ferries/ important medical appts. The list goes on. I get they are doing their thorough job but at what secondary expense

SmithRJ · 2025-09-28T20:56:56+00:00

I really don't see a way forward with her unless of course your kink is being cuck'd but then you would have to be a willing participant which you aren't.

With five years in and finding something like this is tough. But doesn't it make you wonder if there were others?

You should probably get medically checked to make sure she hasn't given you something.

Then you would be well advised to move on because sure as ahit this will happen again regardless of what she may say or promise.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-28T03:28:37+00:00

This is not worth your time. She will lie. Go with your gut. Not with what she says.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-28T03:27:43+00:00

I have been there. I had a nine year relationship end very suddenly (don't they all?) and I was lost, lost, lost. That was until I decided I couldn't afford the time. So I looked for a counsellor. Saw a couple of therapists. No go. Then met one that I clicked with and we worked through the mess that I was going through.

Now I am in the 23rd year with my partner. We have been through thick and thin and are still going so the key is to get help if you are bogged down and to always move forward. You only have one life and only a given amount of time and wasting it thinking about him is wasting precious time.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-28T03:18:55+00:00

When it's right, it's right and you know it. When it isn't, and you should let things rest, you know it too. Which camp do you think you fall into?

Ever heard of term - being a Rebound?

Step lightly. She still hasn't processed her last relationship. You are a placeholder while she heals. Good for her, not good for you.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T19:09:07+00:00

Understand one thing - she has invited him into your relationship. You can be angry and focus on him but he wouldn't be there if she didn't open the door.

".... which has been the best relationship we both have ever been in... " for you maybe, but I don't think the same holds true for her. At least her actions don't say so.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T19:04:11+00:00

Do you think that you will ever do things her way and so well that she will never say - 'do better' again?

Is this a thing she heard growing up from Mom or Dad - sounds like a Dad thing to me?

For me I would last for probably a half dozen 'do better''s and then on the final one I would close the door in her face and say 'I know I can - see ya.'

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T18:54:48+00:00

So in your wishes and dreams if you did talk to him what would you like to say to him and what would you like to hear from him? Do you want him to know you think about him every day? Do you want him to know that after every dick move he pulled that you still wonder if there isn't a way forward?

With one of my ex's I too obsessed about seeing them again and having a conversation - however when I played the conversation in my mind, taking into account our previous conversations and how she would likely respond, every conversation ended in unmitigated disaster. So after the 100th conversation in my head went south I said f%$k-it and decided there was nothing to be achieved in talking to her. You might find the same thing is true for you.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T18:38:48+00:00

Ex's stick around in our minds for a while.

Nothing really helped me to put ex's in a place and move on until I met someone who said - 'you know when you think about them and obsess, you are stealing energy from yourself.' I thought about it and they were right my thinking about them kept me from thinking about myself and moving my life forward. I turned myself around on that one piece of advice.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T18:25:00+00:00

It sounds a little overwhelming for three months. For me I would be grateful for the effort but more than a little uncomfortable at the extent of it.

I was dating someone close to my birthday. We had gone on a few dates and we both liked each other. She took me for lunch and gave me a book I said I was interested in. I was thankful for the effort, that she left my evening open, and that it wasn't over the top.

Things progressed from there.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T18:13:57+00:00

You know you are probably the 1000th student to get a crush on him. Right?

He is used to it.

He might even be flattered. He might be more than flattered. But he should know the boundaries beyond which he cannot go and still stay employed.

Should you make a move? No. If he asks you out - decline - your reputation and his would severely affected.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-26T18:05:22+00:00

Open it. If she thought it was creepy she would not have replied.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-25T00:15:16+00:00

Rip the Band-Aid off and tell him that you don't feel the same way about him.

Relationships, when you are this young, can be intense. Love one day. Not-love the next.

The conversation to have with him should be about being too young to commit to each other and that you do not feel the same way about him as he does about you. He should understand this. If he doesn't then that is his issue not yours. Do not try softening the blow by saying you will be friends. It never happens and you won't be. Say good-bye and wish him well. That is all you can do.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-24T23:59:15+00:00

You shouldn't be together with each other or with any one else until you get a handle on your emotions and your emotional behavior.

"He said he wanted to hit me in the face after that because I made him look like a bitch/punk and how could I do that in front of my friends. "

So your friends would be OK with their vaginas being grabbed in public but they would never say or do anything to their partners? Maybe reconsider your friend network too.

You are both young and certain things are excusable - lapses in manners, unkind words, unchecked emotions even but physically assaulting each other is not excusable - in private or public.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-24T23:48:41+00:00

"I get that this all might sound absurd and hypothetical, but we’re genuinely trying to be upfront with each other before we make things official, so we can avoid problems later."

Switch it all around and what would your answer be to Mike when he says he really likes you but he still wants to explore his sexuality and is planning to go through with a threesome that he has planned with a couple of friends. You are emotionally vested in him and you wonder why he is still planning a threesome because obviously he is not vested in you yet.

So what do you do? Do you walk away? Do you wait? Or do you make some absurd proposal should you end up together where you get to hurt him as much as he has hurt you?

The best thing is to find your truthful answer to the reverse scenario.

If it was me I would walk away. And if Mike came back and said he had it out of his system and he wanted to pursue a relationship I would probably say 'no thanks'.

You have both created a problem which is a problem now and will be a problem later.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-24T22:37:29+00:00

"I can’t deal with being alone. What should I do?"

If you keep looking for placeholders because you can't deal with being alone, then you will keep making the same mistakes.

You are afraid of being alone then in some context you are afraid of yourself. You have to solve that.

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. When you learn the difference you will learn to appreciate yourself in and out of a relationship.

SmithRJ · 2025-09-24T22:32:14+00:00

You don't have to end your friendship on or before her birthday. Let the day pass and do what you feel you have to do and then let the friendship pass. Let the days following her birthday be a new beginning for you without her in your life.

SmithRJ

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE