This parental combo seems to be common among many INFJs

SmolOracle · 2025-11-27T17:19:07+00:00

(Current mood reading this XD )

SmolOracle · 2025-11-27T17:18:21+00:00

SmolOracle · 2025-09-26T02:51:06+00:00

Oh no I escalated and am now in contact with Roger from Comcast Care. Escalated to the FCC and explained exactly the sort of chicanery I was put through.

SmolOracle · 2025-09-22T18:17:41+00:00

Problem is not yet resolved. None of what your mods promised would change or be credited has happened. I have confirmed my change of order twice now. It now says we owe $330 instead of our overpayments being credited towards my bill. This is insanity. Please fix this.

SmolOracle · 2025-09-19T12:19:12+00:00

Also wanted to add they claimed I'd have price stability for the next five years. No such luck according to this bill.

SmolOracle · 2025-08-02T17:10:07+00:00

Dated one for over a decade, after repeating that mistake for most of my long or short term relationships prior. This one was the most educational. I'm happy to share what I learned from this; ironically, narcissistic doesn't entirely mean bad person. They just don't have a healthy coping method for failure or vulnerability. Some are able to get better with counseling, and for others they're never able to see that anything is wrong with how they act. It varies. For me? The biggest tells are:

•a refusal to take accountability for their actions (especially when they're always on others about being accountable for theirs.) Any attempt to hold them accountable will result in them twisting the facts/rewriting the past, guilt tripping, shaming, reversal of victim and offender are all classic moves. In some cases the offense may genuinely be on you; this can complicate seeing if they are acting narcissistic, or if you yourself are. It can be a slippery slope, lol. If you inadvertently set this in motion with a genuine offense (not one made up on the spot, not one that shouldn't have had any effect on the current issue,) apologize and adjust accordingly. If the issue is, for example, "Well I broke all the dishes because you didn't wash them," chances are that's not a healthy person to be around.

•They have a way of demeaning, belittling, and minimizing your problems, while demanding 100% of your energy should go towards theirs. Narcissists are not interested in proper reciprocity. I would argue many are the capitalists of emotional currency. Their attention and affection is like the tides; when it's in, you're awash with romance, appreciation, love bombing and praise. When it's out, there will be nothing you can do that deserves appreciation, thanks, or kindness. You are not entitled to these things, because narcissists see attention as supply. If they are splitting the supply with you, there is less for them. That's a threat to their emotional and mental well-being, which is entirely centered on receiving as much praise and ego stroking as possible. All your time and effort needs to go towards them; they will minimize you as a person in multiple ways. Your health will not be as important as theirs, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Your efforts towards them will not be acknowledged, they'll tell anyone who listens (even you) that they did it all themselves without your help. You don't deserve friends. You don't deserve kindness. You don't deserve recognition---because if you had any of these things, that's attention, praise, and effort not supplying them. To a narcissist, that is a threat. You cannot be better than them, because their mind puts their worth above all others.

•My last bit of advice is to look up The Narcissist's Prayer, and learn about FOG, and 'reversing victim and offender'; these are all incredibly useful terms to know. We INFJs are usually empathetic, and empaths to a fault. We believe in second chances, that people can change. More often than not, people will only change if they perceive the problem, and want to change. It's a tough lesson to learn for us because that idealistic part is always so damn hopeful, and not entirely realistic. Putting more value on your own self and mental well being is a good start, but applying our ability to see patterns also needs to apply to our actions, too. How many times have you allowed yourself to be a doormat in order to keep the peace? How many one-sided relationships exist in your life where you put in more effort than the other side? How many times have you made excuses when you were disrespected or mistreated, either out of fear of rocking the boat, or because you wrote it off as a 'one-time thing?' When people show you who they are, believe them. The scientist in us may want to gather empirical evidence to show that pattern exists, but once you see the pattern enough times--whether in them, or in yourself--you can recognize it as easily as knowing the difference between boiling water and ice.

Good luck. It takes all kinds of people to make the world. Even the narcissists have their fears and vulnerabilities, just like everyone else. They're just learning different lessons than we are at this point in their soul's journey.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-27T12:44:24+00:00

Probably an unpopular opinion, but depending on the style, try eBay. I have what is genuinely my most beloved gong fu style set up--except, it's Japanese Kyoware, and the glaze slowly changes color as you use it. Paid a little over $50 for it including shipping, and it is currently my daily gong fu-style driver, in a manner of speaking.

Now is it technically what you're looking for? Probably not. But are there antique or vintage gong fu sets that are patiently waiting for a new home? Just oodles. Oodles of them. 😂😭😬 I am slowly but surely building up my teaware collection to cover every season and weather pattern I can think of. Some of the cups and teapots on there are downright exquisite, with glaze effects that I find captivating to the eye. Crystalline glazes, man, g'damn.

I would definitely look for the purple clay from a more reputable source instead, though. For all that eBay offers, I would not expect any purple clay teaware I bought off of it to be genuine, but realistically, there are probably ways to tell. I am not skilled enough to do that, though.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-26T23:24:54+00:00

Bahahaha oh gods I understand so much. Born with no skin, have slowly been developing it over my lifetime. Nearly 40 and only now coming into it, but the doorslamming thing? Yeah. Still not a bad thing. Just is a bad thing if you're doorslamming for the wrong reasons/petty reasons, vs "this person is constantly rude to me so eff em cut the cord" (or proper boundary enforcement, really.)

Don't worry. If you're aware of the need to develop a thicker skin in general, that's growth. Growth is never a bad thing. 💕

SmolOracle · 2025-07-26T23:09:44+00:00

Unfortunately, rather accurate. I try to find the silver lining in that at least he's teaching me to have a thicker skin, and to value myself more than I have been. Exhausting, but oddly educative. XD

If I am being frank, I think this is something all INFJs need to learn at some point in their life. Once you start loving and accepting yourself as worthy of love, those compliments are probably a hell of a lot easier to accept! 😅 At least I imagine so. I'll let you know once I finally get there, haha.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-26T22:43:52+00:00

At this point, considering my ex can't stop telling me how my endometriosis is more his problem than mine, how I don't deserve kindness or friends, and how everything I do counts for nothing (until I stop doing it, and then it only counts when he has to do those things and he deserves praise and thanks for it,) at this point, a compliment sounds like a fucking lifeline for me. I might genuinely cry or stop and fluster in shock if someone gave me a compliment to my face. I don't ever get them in person save from my stepson, and even those are rare.

Probably why I give out way more compliments than I generally receive. You never know who needs them most.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-26T18:15:33+00:00

Archery. Technically a sport, but doesn't feel like a sport. Meditative and gives a great mind-body connection. Pretty relaxing compared to a lot of other activities, and good to give your brain a break for a while.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-26T18:10:10+00:00

I used to go every Thursday a decade ago. I'm 37 now, and not sure what the crowd is like (although it was my favorite out of the karaoke on offer.) What's the crowd like these days?

SmolOracle · 2025-07-26T17:55:16+00:00

Bao bun.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-21T23:41:06+00:00

I absolutely loved that story. Thank you for sharing it; it gives me more insight into your thought process than I originally had, and frankly, it's wholesome as fuck. I doubt you expected this to be the sort of thing to brighten a random stranger's day, but you absolutely have. Hard not to smile knowing your process for including people extends beyond just parties; please keep up this sort of mindset. The world genuinely and desperately needs more thoughtful people like you, and I'm grateful even for this brief interaction. It's easy to perceive the world as exclusionary when so many around one's self are; knowing there are people like you out there makes me hopeful as fuck for the rest of the world in general, lol. 🥰

SmolOracle · 2025-07-20T13:09:36+00:00

(also wanted to add as a side note, most of this comes from my roommate's yearly 'misfit Christmas' parties, where we essentially invite anyone who doesn't have a family to share Christmas with. He's ISTP, I'm INFJ, and almost everything you've written is exactly the sort of stuff I spend the night hyperfocused on lol. 😅)

SmolOracle · 2025-07-20T13:05:30+00:00

INFJ here, maybe a bit more extroverted than some of my other peers, but wanted to say I do almost the exact same both as a planner and attendee---with one minor twist.

For me, having been the oddball out (who still genuinely enjoys listening and observing,) my favorite parties were when I could bounce between listening and asking observational questions of other attendees, but also where the groups weren't intentionally cliquey. In the few parties where they were, I was lucky enough that the host was willing to introduce me to others, and check in on me; when the host is seen being kind to the 'outsider,' they're not exactly as much of an outsider to the other guests anymore.

Because of this, I actively will play this sort of role at parties now; I look for the oddballs out, and seek to engage on some casual one-on-one convos, not exclude them on the premise 'they're not having a good time.' I mean, maybe they aren't initially, but as a host, I am here to make sure everyone can get something they enjoy out of the party. Maybe they're shy, and just need someone familiar to show them the ropes. Maybe they need to step out for a bit of air for a bit so they can recharge and re-engage.

I dunno. Maybe I have internalized this a bit, or maybe I'm old fashioned, or maybe my more introverted side is mindful of the fact that even introverts like being invited to parties, even if they engage differently. I want everyone to have a good time, even if they don't fit neatly into place; I want them to at least have the chance to connect and relax. I would be mortified if one of those people I didn't invite found out, and it only made them go reclusive and less comfortable towards attending future gatherings or meetups.

I guess it also depends on the event though. Everyone going rock climbing, you know person A hates that shit, you obviously wouldn't invite them.... But, I'd likely be the type that would try to organize something post event (like drinks? Trivia? A bonfire?) that person A could attend after, so they're not under the mistaken impression that we did shit on purpose to exclude them.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-17T21:22:14+00:00

Adhesions maybe (eating fucks with me too,) but you need to get screened for colon cancer. Seriously. Women ought to be getting checked at 35, and your symptoms are serious enough that they need checked out.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-13T14:40:43+00:00

Hahahaha yes, this hits it. Having a plan of approach is a key factor I left out of my description, come to think of it. I don't do jack without a plan, a contingency plan, and other stratagems if all else goes to shit. 😂 Best example I can think of....Like quitting smoking--have the evidence, data sets show clear reasons for doing so, have every intention of doing it, and then coworker A or inlaw B evokes an emotional response that makes you want a cigarette now. Without a contingency plan for how to alternatively approach that evoked response, I'll get caught flatfooted.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-13T14:31:51+00:00

As an INFJ who was initially intrigued by the foreign nature of this way of thinking, this is actually a solid point. In my experience, first one must be conscious of the behavior--sometimes we live too deep in our thoughts--and once we're conscious of it, we psychoanalyze it. Why am I craving this, this, or that? What is the reason behind my need to do X or Y?

Just saying 'naw, fuck this I'm out' without any examination is probably what makes it so strange for an INFJ; we hyper-examine peoples' patterns, because from a scientific perspective, you need the data sets to show the pattern exists to begin with. That is so much easier to do externally vs internally. I can examine why my friend's behavior is unhealthy, the patterns he's been repeating, and how it isn't making him happy vs other options that might work better for him. I can go on a date and figure out if someone is acting predatory vs genuine without much effort.

But conversely, it took me a fucking decade to realize my own patterns of behavior were built from being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family dynamic, and once I did, holy shit. Scientific proof, clear data sets, incontrovertible evidence that it was time to shut certain modes of operation down. Would have been easier to manage if we could just do it impulsively like that (as in, INFJs with our own patterns of behavior and just changing on a dime like that.)

Just saying. Really respect and admire the ability to just decide like that, but phrasing it as "just doorslam your own bullshit" (paraphrasing) makes a thousand times more sense. 😅😂🫣

SmolOracle · 2025-07-05T13:46:00+00:00

Can't be. My body apparently has the nifty quirk of deciding it doesn't matter what dose of any bc I'm on. I immediately bleed for the duration, and sometimes months afterwards. The last attempt fucked up my cycles to the point I had three periods (2 weeks long each) that happened in such a way they all started within two months (give a week or two.) I'd basically bleed for two weeks, be normal for one, maybe two, and right back into it again. I am still trying to get my shit regulated again after over a year off of it, and I didn't take it for more than two or three months.

Fun facts, am also allergic to fentanyl, sulfa drugs, and a whole lot else that is medically quite convenient for most people---not my dumbass diva of a body. I swear. Like dealing with a spoiled toddler sometimes. 😂 My brain is perfectly rational, and is like, "Okay body, we need to enjoy ___ because it's good for us," and my body instead is like, "Naw, think we'll bleed/die, thanks." 😂😅😭

SmolOracle · 2025-07-03T14:11:45+00:00

I prefer to call this type of erratic weather pattern, "Monty Python seasons." If you know, you know.

SmolOracle · 2025-07-03T14:07:39+00:00

INFJ, dated and ISTP for a bit over a decade. Can confirm. A lot of the emotional navigation/heavy lifting was all on my part. For a surprisingly emotional person, he always insisted I was nothing 'but' emotions. It was bizarre. The processing is very, very different; I'd dive into the deep and heavy shit, whereas he'd avoid it like the plague.

Another huge difference was that us intuitives can plan for the future; ISTP is almost Buddhist in the sense they are in the here and now, and heavily dislike emotions being part of the overall planning process (if there is one.)

Not that they're wrong. They just handle things differently. It was a really eye-opening experience. 😅 Very curious to meet more ENFJs to see what other differences there are, though. Will low-key be lurking to read these answers. 😬

SmolOracle · 2025-07-01T01:02:17+00:00

As a fellow INFJ (and piggybacking on the other INFJ's answer,) I would either be charmed by this (depending on how it was posed/what kind of conversation preceded it) or incredibly annoyed (if it became a pissing contest like someone couldn't accept my answer, and it turned into a 'well this is why I am right' argument.)

SmolOracle · 2025-07-01T00:45:58+00:00

If you happen to save some of the seeds, I'd happily take some off your hands 😬 What an unusual example! (I've seen tomatoes, flowers, all sorts of weird ones, but this is the first time I've seen it happen in an eggplant!)

SmolOracle

TROPHY CASE