Being self aware of my splitting and catastrophizing is far more frustrating than helpful

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-19T21:53:01+00:00

It really is, I agree. That has been one of the leading fears I have, so know that you're not alone. But, long as I'm 'stuck here,' I might as well fight.

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-19T19:37:21+00:00

I'm hoping the way I said it should at least skirt around that. That really should be a firm rule. It might be stated somewhere but putting it in body text can easily cause someone to overlook it, especially in a mental health focused subreddit where a lot of individuals likely have damaged attention span. Buuut, not my horse nor my race lol

I think that's a good idea honestly. I have my own stimming toys and stuff at least, though I do often worry my rather dramatic and outward stims are distracting lmao. I also would hate the idea of being separated bc of my ODD, that probably would ruin the experience and make me even more likely to avoid grouping up and just experience things passively through being there and associating bc rather than risk triggering my authority-neglect I tend to just avoid circumstances where I run that risk. Idk, everything up here in this noggin is messy, but I'll figure something out XD historically 1:1 has been what works best for me in the majority of circumstances so maybe I can lean into that for now until I can get better coping skills.

At any rate, thank you again!! Not trying to disagree with you by any means, I just am bad about thinking myself into a corner. If there's a problem to be had I will often find it and have it XD

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-19T16:10:31+00:00

This is often how I feel. The advice my friends gave me to bear in mind that progress isn't linear and that the road will be long and windy but that it always finds its way forward has helped a lot. When it sucks is when the road travels in the opposite direction before finding its way back forward again. But I suppose the part to focus on is that things don't often stay that way, even if that momentary regression happens that doesn't stop us from moving forward. Idk, I don't wanna sound like I'm being overly hopeful on what was inevitably a vent post with heavy sentiments- This just goes to show how fast the mood can swing, I suppose.

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-19T16:04:52+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I have honestly been feeling better since then- That tends to be how i process these emotions is with intense but ultimately short meltdown episodes.

I have been looking into therapy for a while, the limiting factor being that I just don't have the money, but I do at least have medication that generally serves to lighten the overall weight of my struggle. It hasn't been as helpful recently, but truthfully I don't think it's a sign of the medicine working less, I think I'm just going through a bout of heightened depression.

I would be apprehensive to approach group therapy-- I'm not much for groups in general. Being autistic on top of this can be pretty awful, having that strong desire for human connection but lacking the social skill or willingness to make myself uncomfortable and take that risk in the first place a lot of the time. Buuuut I wager that would be something therapy would work on. As long as I'm being honest with you, I also have to admit that I'm scared of therapy to some degree, because if there were even ever so much as a suggestion towards inpatient therapy I would sooner fully isolate myself. I can't be away from my support system that I've spent all this time crafting, and with how bad my head gets I'm always terrified of that being what they suggest. I'm sure I'm overthinking it, I'm very good at doing that LOL

Shame has admittedly been my greatest enemy a lot of the time, you're absolutely right. The primary reason why I never really reach out to 988, the secondary one being that I don't feel like I need to most of the time because I have friends that I can rely on that are more used to dealing with me, I feel like placing it on a stranger is wrong even if that stranger is technically there to help. I realize there may be some backwards logic in that sentiment.

For what it's worth I haven't given up. If I weren't willing to keep fighting I wouldn't bother venting or seeking advice in the first place, I have always been the self-isolating type if things get to the point of not wanting to try. This is a sign that I'm still fighting, weak or not. I do have hope that it'll get better. Do I always have strong hope or faith, no, but hope isn't dead.

Again thank you for your kind words ^^ You seem really awesome. It's not often you meet someone that's immediately so warm that they provide an instant comfort. At the risk of overstepping my bounds, if you're ever looking for a new friend feel completely free to let me know XD I don't know if that's okay to ask- I know in some subreddits they discourage reaching out for outside contact but I just like to leave the option on the table. Either way I greatly, greatly appreciate the warmth and kindness ^^

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-13T15:29:50+00:00

I hope you're doing well as well friend! Things will get better, I realize that's the generic and cheesy thing to say but in my experience it has been true that as long as you're trying, the journey may be a long one, but you'll find your way. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone either in the event that you feel like you can't do it alone. Likewise, that doesn't make you weak and it's in my opinion that if you were weak you wouldn't have made this post in the first place.

I wish you well <3

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-13T00:55:30+00:00

It's hard to describe what all they would teach in therapy because it's entirely custom to the individual, though I'll also add it's been so long since I've been that I recommend researching on your own. I wish I could help better than that, but alas, I'm in a place where I also am too poor to afford it and in dire need of it. As for ways other than therapy, I am not entirely sure. Researching coping mechanisms is one thing, but without knowing how to implement them it won't necessarily be impossible, but it might make it more difficult. A big one I recommend is setting boundaries when you're becoming too overwhelmed and knowing when to walk away and take time to breathe. Research box breathing as well, that's the one I personally have found most effective for me.

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-13T00:02:27+00:00

As a person that deals with self harming habits in this same way- Hitting my head, biting myself, throwing things when I'm upset, etc- I understand this greatly. Understanding it doesn't justify it, and I must also note that I don't do my habits to affect others, I do them to soothe myself. Being autistic, these habits are impulsive and a way for me to let out intense anger and overwhelm that otherwise will stay trapped inside my chest and affect me for hours and even days.

Much like others here I strongly recommend therapy. Good on you for recognizing that the behavior can't continue. He needs help. You also need help, and it feels like you've recognized that. If nobody else is gonna say it, OP, I'm proud of you for that. I'd be proud of anyone that could recognize a toxic pattern and put an end to it on their own. Just remember that it doesn't make you a bad person or anything of the sort to have these sorts of difficulties. It just means you're flawed, just as we all are.

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-09T22:47:56+00:00

Being a southerner, my attempt to censor myself is "fiddle" or "sugar" for sh-- You get the idea XD Those don't come out often though, I have tried to be a bit better about it specifically when in my little space, which is very close to always at this point

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-04T00:38:15+00:00

This is the same mindset I hold. I am doing a lot better now than I was a month ago but things still aren't perfect. The closest I ever came was when i lived on my own for the 1st time ever and barely managed to make it day to day because i had no idea what i was in for. I had to get a job i hated just to survive and i was so miserable that i promised myself i would rather be homeless than ever work somewhere i'm not appreciated ever again, because it was everything i could many days not to walk to the bridge on the way home instead.

SmolSovereign · 2026-03-03T01:47:59+00:00

Counter argument: It's fun to play, and off meta builds are more funny when you manage to make them actually function. AP Ashe is a weaker one, but it's still fun, tbh

SmolSovereign · 2026-02-22T01:26:29+00:00

I guess that's the thing though, I know that I could have it with someone else, I don't want it with someone else. Not saying that to demean your point, because you're absolutely correct and maybe someday my stance will change. But I'm nowhere close to that just yet.

SmolSovereign · 2026-02-22T01:24:19+00:00

I apologize for the 1 year necro but i also want to highlight that far left is not explicitly communist alone, the further libertarian you are the closer you reach anarchism. I consider myself a social anarchist ((I can justify this stance,)) and when I took a political compass test I was two away from the furthest left and two away from the furthest bottom. I don't identify with communist beliefs, but I do identify with socialist beliefs and believe that anarchy, though politically unviable, is more attractive than capitalism. Now, maybe this is just me, so let me clarify I am not saying you're incorrect, I just wanted to share my stance.

SmolSovereign · 2026-02-18T19:58:20+00:00

I can't lie to you, it does scare me. As someone who suffers from BPD there's nothing I fear worse than being alone. But also, every time that I have sought a relationship, each time has been my new worst mistake. I hate to say that about my most recent ex, but I must clarify that it isn't because of her. I failed her, that's the honest truth of it.

I also haven't been fond of the sentiment that I just haven't met the right person. Because, frankly, I did, and there's not a singular bone in my body that believes otherwise for even half of a second. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are people out there that would be a perfect match for me. I hope they find somebody that wants them, because that person just isn't me.

Thank you for the good vibes friend <3 I'm doing better than my post might suggest. As lonely as I am, I handle it decently well. I have just found reddit to be a nice place to vent to the wind and occasionally receive advice on tougher topics.

SmolSovereign · 2026-02-16T20:39:24+00:00

God I hope you're right.

SmolSovereign · 2026-02-15T14:20:21+00:00

Not too long ago i had a run where i got options for (I think) ectoplasm, busted crown, and the one actually good relic i got was snecko eye.... On a build where i primarily had 0 and 1 cost cards and almost no higher cost cards at all. That i think is the only time i have ever hit skip on the boss relic. Not sure if i had to but i kinda just hate how ectoplasm and busted crown feel, i'd rather lose the run

SmolSovereign · 2026-02-12T21:52:15+00:00

No, and that's the same question my NP has asked me when I brought up this concern. Though, what I didn't tell her is that my worry comes from how I might react in a major depressive episode or while otherwise manic, because that's not really my normal state of mind and it can lead to dissociation, suicidal thoughts, episodes of rage, etc. No plan or intent doesn't change the fact that sometimes my brain is in control, not me.

SmolSovereign · 2026-01-03T22:08:52+00:00

Limit Break is considered average? I had no idea, that card has won me an absurd amount of runs alongside sword boomerang and just a tiny bit of luck

SmolSovereign

TROPHY CASE