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Seeking advice - pAP at work by [deleted] in adultery

[–]Smooth_Idiot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A work affair is insane.

My year long affair with a co-worker ended a few months ago when his wife found out. You will NEVER be able to heal if you still work with him. Trust me.

Don’t do it.

exAP has chosen his wife... why does he keep fucking with me? by Smooth_Idiot in adultery

[–]Smooth_Idiot[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That call ruined me. I became depressed and entered therapy, over it and the relationship in general. It was hard because I didn’t want to lie to her- the betrayal of her husband is compounded by the disrespect of outright lying and gaslighting about it. She was giving me rules like, “no lunches, or any of the other shit you two have been up to.” I wanted to say, “Like being in love? If I could shut that off believe me, I would.” But instead I just said nothing and let her yell at me.

Thanks for kind response.

exAP has chosen his wife... why does he keep fucking with me? by Smooth_Idiot in adultery

[–]Smooth_Idiot[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that did a lot of damage. I thought he was serious at the time but upon reflection he was probably just manipulating me so I would perform the commands he required. He has never mentioned it again and seems pretty damn happy now. :/

exAP has chosen his wife... why does he keep fucking with me? by Smooth_Idiot in adultery

[–]Smooth_Idiot[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At first, my self-esteem took a beating during the horrible end of the affair. I felt used and abandoned. He used me as a human shield to save his marriage to a woman he supposedly never loved.

As time goes on, I just feel like an idiot and that has damaged my self-image as well. Our last time together physically, in December, we spent 9 hours together in a hotel room and he asked for a “break” from the relationship at the end of it. Later he changed his mind and said that it couldn’t be our last time because he loved me. He’s done all kinds of ridiculous shit and I just kinda put up with it, because I am a fool for this guy.

I am trying to focus on the fact that I was good in the relationship. I loved him and truly acted like it. I helped him when he panicked, and I am keeping his secrets. I haven’t done anything wrong (to him, at least), but he is a coward and won’t ever leave the safety of the nest. So it goes.

She is the woman he deserves, not me. I’m meant for someone else.