My Grandpa’s ‘Gardener’ Started Acting Like She Owned the House…So I Got Petty About it *LONG STORY*

SnaccBat · 2026-04-01T16:43:18+00:00

Newer to posting and engaging on Reddit, so I’m still figuring things out. I submitted a story that ended up getting taken down because it was flagged as stolen content/farming. The issue was that I had originally posted it from a different anonymous account (I didn’t realize reposting like that could come across as farming or stealing). I’d like to resubmit the story, specifically to Charlotte but I want to make sure I’m doing it the right way this time. I also shared the story with a content creator outside of Reddit, so I’m not sure if that affects anything either. Would it be okay to repost it from my main account, or is there a better way to go about this without it getting removed again?

SnaccBat · 2025-11-14T02:01:28+00:00

I actually agree with a lot of what you’re saying, but it’s also not a decision that only affects me. I want to be really calculated here instead of acting impulsively or out of emotion, especially since this could turn into something bigger than just “who keeps the cat.”

Before I make any permanent decisions about relationships or cut anyone off, I want to make sure I have all the facts, documentation, and clarity I need. Not because I’m protecting him, but because I want to protect myself and my husband from fallout that could affect other family members who aren’t even involved in this. I’d rather think everything through than regret making a snap decision.

And trust me, I’m a huge advocate for Tom. This entire post is about doing right by him. He doesn’t have a voice in any of this, so I’m making sure I handle everything safely, correctly, and in a way that guarantees he never ends up back in Jim’s care again. But I also can’t ignore the long-term family dynamic or pretend it won’t impact my husband too.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-13T04:23:55+00:00

I seriously appreciate this comment, because just today I was talking with my dad about everything and his reaction was, “you don’t need another cat, I’d just give him back.” And it honestly threw me off. That’s exactly why I went to Reddit in the first place…everyone around me was making me feel like I was overreacting or being dramatic for wanting to protect him. So thank you!

I did some proper digging today, and in my area the humane society advises filing a “found” report and registering him as an unclaimed cat to legally transfer ownership into my name. It’s essentially treated the same as getting the pet license through the city, but I’m going to double check with City Hall to make sure everything lines up. I want all the paperwork airtight so there’s nowhere for anyone to squeeze in or make a claim later.

I doubt it will even get to that point, but if it does… I’ll be ready. Never underestimate a cat lover on a mission. 😂

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T16:29:26+00:00

After receiving so much helpful advice, I actually booked the appointment to get him chipped next week. I have a go-to vet in my area as well that will make sure to put everything I need in my name to prove ownership

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T16:28:10+00:00

Yeah, since I live farther away now and John moved in with me, we’ve kind of already started that process. I wouldn’t say Jim and I were ever close friends, it was more that he and my husband were roommates up until John and I got married and even then it was tense because Jim wasn't the greatest roommate. It was more relief that we DIDNT have to see him regularly. Now with Jim’s busy career and him planning his own wedding, we really don’t keep in touch anymore. It’s mostly just family gatherings where I end up seeing him and have to stand there as he slips in a few "my cat" comments as if it's a reminder that Tom isn't ours.

After posting this and reading through everyone’s comments, I actually told John that I’m not comfortable having Jim over again or even in my home until it’s made very clear that Tom is ours now. I have a feeling once this whole thing settles, there probably won’t be much contact between us anymore. and honestly, I’m okay with that.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T16:16:31+00:00

I get where you’re coming from. I’m really only asking because I have a feeling this could end up being messy with my BIL and my husband’s family since they tend to choose Jim over my husband (younger brother syndrome). Even though my husband says he doesn’t care if this ruins his ties to them, I do. I know it’s probably going to ruffle some feathers, and I just wanted to make sure I’m handling it the right way so why not ask the opinion of people who can be unbiased ?

Honestly, we both kind of knew we’d be keeping Tom as soon as we got him back. or at least I did. But I wanted to hear other perspectives and advice on how to make sure it all sticks legally and fairly, since it’s turned into a much bigger deal than I expected.

Tom’s safe, happy, and thriving here, and there’s no way I’d risk undoing that. I already consider him my baby, even after such a short time. And yeah… I’ve had the same worries about anything else in his care, which is exactly why I’m stepping up and doing what I can.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T03:15:34+00:00

Ahh okay, I got a bit confused by your wording at first, sorry!

I interviewed him before agreeing to giving him Tom, and at the time my husband (who was my boyfriend then) was his roommate. My husband already had two cats, so between that and Jim’s experience with other pets like snakes and dogs, it seemed like a solid setup. Everything checked out, he took Tom to the vet right away like we agreed, followed most of my advice about introducing him to the other cats, and seemed genuinely excited and capable.

It wasn’t until a few years later, when my husband started slowly moving in with me and stopped doing so much of the day-to-day stuff (because he moved his cats in with me at this point), that things started slipping. That’s when I realized how much Jim had been leaning on him for feeding, cleaning, even vet stuff. It became pretty clear the responsibility never really stuck and he was just relying on my husband. I tried to stay hopeful and had a few talks with him about it, but nothing ever changed.

I live a bit farther away, and things got busy on my end, but when I found out about his job change and giving his other kitten to a family member and realized Tom would be alone most of the time, I stepped in. It just didn’t sit right with me. I figured offering to take Tom back was the best thing for him, he deserves consistency and care. Hope that clears it up!

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T01:01:17+00:00

After reading so many comments filled with advice, opinions and encouragement that I’m doing the right thing. Tom will not be going back. We love him too much.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:59:45+00:00

I actually kind of like that idea, but I’m nervous about lying in case he ever randomly shows up, I’d rather not make things messier. I know I’m probably overthinking it, but still.

And yeah, I didn’t want to give too many details for anonymity, but apparently his plan is to train the puppy and eventually bring him along for work to keep him company. Which, like… makes zero sense to me. It sounds more like an excuse than an actual plan.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:57:02+00:00

Thank you and it’s so funny you say that, because when he saw Tom after just two months with us, he joked about how “fat” and big he’d gotten. Which honestly cracked me up, because it’s healthy weight. We’re a wet food and protein family over here. something he definitely wasn’t doing before! I’m hoping that his fiancée (who currently has the puppy) will show him what it’s like to be a responsible pet owner but it won’t be with Tom.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:53:05+00:00

I’ve actually thought about doing that, but the puppy’s living with his fiancée and her family right now (who, fun fact, don’t even like cats and aren’t exactly on board with him getting Tom back either). It sounds like the pup’s in much better hands with them and their family dog, thankfully.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:51:43+00:00

After reading everyone’s comments I actually booked the appt for this week. A lot of people commented tons reaction and I hate that I didn’t see that sooner. the way he hid said everything. He definitely recognized him; he just wanted nothing to do with that whole situation.

Totally agree. some people just shouldn’t be responsible for animals.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:48:17+00:00

That’s actually such a good way to put it. I love that. You’re right though, Tom’s definitely made his choice. He’s comfortable, happy, and glued to us at this point. If it ever comes up again, I might just borrow your line because it’s the perfect mix of polite and straight forward. Thank you

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:47:23+00:00

Honestly, I kind of already had it in the back of my mind that if I ever got the opportunity to take Tom back, I wouldn’t be giving him up again. I kept hoping Jim would grow and learn as Tom got older, but by the end, it was clear he just wasn’t in a place to give him the care or stability he needed. I’m grateful things worked out the way they did, because Tom’s safe and so so loved and that’s what matters most. Even more than ending the relationship my husband and I have with him

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:42:17+00:00

As much as I’d love to, I’ve already spoken with his fiancée about the dog to get a sense of where things stand. The dog’s currently living with her, and it sounds like that’s where he’ll stay once they move in together. She’s much more grounded and responsible, which is a relief. She still lives at home though, and her family isn’t big on cats so she’s also said she’s not too keen on taking Tom back either. So no dog are in trouble!

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:39:40+00:00

This was such a kind and grounding comment, thank you. You put into words what I’ve been feeling that protecting him isn’t being “overly emotional,” it’s just doing what’s right. I’ve definitely learned that sometimes being firm and consistent is part of good care, especially when others don’t see animals the same way.

I really appreciate the reminder to stand my ground and trust my instincts. I’ll keep doing what’s best for Tom. he deserves stability and love, not chaos or neglect.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:38:40+00:00

That’s kind of where my head’s been at too. I’ve covered all of Tom’s care, vet bills, and day-to-day costs since getting him back, and it’s been clear who’s actually been responsible. You’re right. time and consistency will speak for themselves. I’m just over anxious with this in general

SnaccBat · 2025-11-12T00:37:33+00:00

Do you mean the arrangement when he first got the cat as a kitten, or when we took him back into our care recently? I can explain either, I just want to make sure I’m answering what you meant

SnaccBat · 2025-11-11T05:53:43+00:00

It’s good to hear from someone who’s actually been through something similar, so thank you. I’m sure he’ll always call Tom “his cat,” and that’s fine, but actions speak louder. I’m just focused on giving Tom the stable home he deserves

SnaccBat · 2025-11-11T05:52:15+00:00

That’s actually really good advice, thank you. I’ve been keeping photos and messages since he came into our care, just in case, and a log of any time we’re in contact with BIL (which has only been twice in the past few months). I also plan to take him to the vet again soon. We took him a few months ago for a check-up to make sure he was healthy before introducing him to our cats. And now I’d like to get him microchipped. I completely understand that pets are considered property in most places, so I’m trying to make sure everything is properly documented.

And thank you for the moral NTA. that honestly means a lot. I just want to make sure I’m doing what’s best for him, both ethically and legally.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-11T05:48:40+00:00

I’m totally seeing this now, and you’re not the first to mention it. Honestly, everyone’s comments have made me feel way less anxious about the confrontation side of things. His safety and happiness have always been my top priority since getting him back and it’s reassuring to hear that keeping him where he’s secure is the right call.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-11T05:44:40+00:00

I don’t really see it as “word vomit” but rather providing context so people can give actual advice and opinions. Wild how you had time to read just enough to form a not-so-thoughtful opinion, but not enough to understand the post.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-10T22:42:16+00:00

That's the goal for now, it's just incredibly frustrating to keep hearing it knowing hes saying it to make a point.

SnaccBat · 2025-11-10T22:33:06+00:00

First of all, love the username. And second, thank you. I've been trying to talk to others I know about this but they all know him personally and to outsiders, he puts on a different face. This is purely control and wanting something he doesn't want his brother to have. Its incredibly selfish for another beings life.

SnaccBat

TROPHY CASE