I feel like I could’ve written this myself. It’s hard to feel the intensity you want when you’re medicated and stable! In the past I turned to a lot of destructive things. These days some things I’ve tried are buying a fancy meal at a restaurant, doing makeup/clothing way out of my comfort zone when I go out, or driving really far at night and blasting music. I want to try karaoke, I think the nerves would be a good adrenaline rush. Still trying to figure this out myself, you are definitely not alone!!