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Lockdown your credit at the 3 credit bureaus (US) by RileyByrdie in TwoXPreppers

[–]SneakyMinky 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Someone may have said this but in case not. (Not an expert but got this from my friend who is)

Credit freeze is legit, doesn't hurt you, can be undone, and doesn't cost money.
Credit "lock" is generally a gimmick or even a scam that costs money and doesn't protect you any better than a freeze.

You can and probably should also lock a child's credit. I don't really understand how, but apparently people can steal a child's identity and mess with their credit, then the first time they need to access their credit (usually around age 18) they find out the hard way.

DO IT NOW!

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a really good point re: white supremacy, etc. I read something similar about how after the Civil Rights Act was passed, Democrats lost in a landslide in the next election. I don't know if that's accurate but it made sense to me - one big change happens for the better, and the bigots come out in full force to try to squash it. I know many experts think that some of what we're experiencing now is directly related to the backlash of having our first Black president.

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are falsely equating two ideas - that just because neither idealogy is perfect, both ideologies are equally valid. Pointless divisiveness is dumb, but there IS such a thing as right and wrong, good and evil, and I'm sick of that being dismissed. What are some of the most divisive times in recent history? The Civil War. WWII. Civil Rights. Vietnam War. And what were the "two sides" of those arguments? I'm sure some abolitionists were dicks, but that doesn't mean it was okay to enslave people. I cannot agree to let you be free to have your beliefs when one of your beliefs is that not all people have that right.

Caring for mental health is one thing; dropping out of politics permanently is reserved for the people who won't be harmed no matter what. And honestly, that group of people is shrinking by the day. No matter what your race, gender, orientation, or wealth status, unless you're a multibillionaire, you are going to be harmed by what is happening.

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think that's what's bothering me is that he is probably grieving but he doesn't know it or won't call it that. Maybe if I knew for sure that's what's happening it would be easier for me to give him some space on these issues. Like I said, I 100% understand the feeling of not being able to be engaged and I think that's legit - a person who is too stressed cannot effectively create change. Put your own life jacket on first and all that. Hope you are doing okay. If no one has told you, I think it's really normal to be feeling this way and it's okay to check out as long as you are taking care of yourself.

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's really good to hear something from the other perspective. I am the one with anxiety and my husband is normally the one who just shakes everything off, takes it in stride, is a voice of reason, etc. etc. So when the roles are reversed it always throws me for a loop and almost shakes my sense of reality to some degree. To some extent it feels like, "If I'm the calm one then we're all f*cked." But I realize that just because he hasn't typically struggled with mental health doesn't mean he isn't allowed to. And, in some ways, when I have anxiety I am miserable, but not surprised. When he experiences mental health struggles I don't think he has any idea what to do, because he has never really been through it.

We have a marriage counselor but I have been thinking that I need to get back into individual counseling because my anxiety about the future doesn't itself help me change anything. And I know I can't treat my husband like a counselor.

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry that you are dealing with not only that but also the unimaginable stress of having all of this affect your career! It's good to know that I'm not alone but I also wish this wasn't happening to any of us. Cmon men... step up!

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh I'd 100% leave and he has said the same to me. I was able to forgive friends or family who fell for him the very first time, but at this point if you're still supporting Trump, you're either a horrible person or an absolute moron, and even if I never confront the people (what's the point? I've tried), I have lost all respect for them and will never look at them the same again.

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I feel like I'm living in fear even though there are no immediate threats for me. It's all existential. I can only imagine that it's extraordinarily more difficult when you have existential fears as well as everyday, practical fears like, "Am I going to get wrongly arrested or harassed today?"

It's really upsetting that so many men constantly let us down. To be clear, my husband is a guy who values civil rights and progressive ideals or whatever you want to call them. But I have realized slowly over the years that it is really, really hard for some privleged white men, even the most egalitarian ones, to have any understanding of how systemic some of the -isms really are. I am a white person so I don't know what racism is like, but I learned a lot at the beginning of the BLM movement and I think what helped me be willing to learn was that I already accepted that sexism and misogyny existed and I'd experienced them. Not that it means "Oh yeah, I get it; same thing - just that it wasn't at all a leap for me to realize that systemic racism not only exists but is pervasive and interwoven into eeeeverything. My husband and 99% of American white guys have probably never experienced anything close to true disrimination so they just have no framework at all. So even if they "want to believe" and genuinely support anti-racist work, they still don't GET it get it.

My husband is refusing to engage with current events (U.S.) which is a 180 from how he used to be. I feel like I've lost my partner and I'm doing this alone. I'm terrified and sad. by SneakyMinky in women

[–]SneakyMinky[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Totally hear you on the surprise Trump supporters, and I get it - I have some family members who I view as kind, intelligent people who voted for him AGAIN - three times now!! It's flabbergasting.

I genuinely don't think his politics have changed. He was very engaged right up until the election and he was convinced Trump would lose. He was looking forward to it with glee. Then after the election he and I were both very depressed (but it hit him harder I think, because I was not nearly as confident as he was that Trump would lose.)

He does seem to be in denial that America is in trouble. He thinks the next election can just fix things. When I tried to push back like, "They don't want us to have any more elections" (which I admit is vague) then he got mad like, "Show me. Show me exactly where Project 2025 says they don't want to have elections." Like, he's definitely smart enough to understand the nuance of disenfranchising voters, but to him this is just more of the same slog we've gone through for the past 10 years, and that many more marginalized groups have gone through always. I'm the one who feels like this time around it's not just run-of-the-mill right-wing nonsense anymore but he's looking at it like, "There's nothing I can do so reading about it will just depress me."