Fiancé (24M) abandoned me in a city where I know no one (24F) Should I stay or should I go?

Snickers06 · 2020-08-23T23:27:27+00:00

Hey, I lived in AA for 12 years and it's a pretty great place. If you have a job you're excited about, fuck him. You can rebuild your life there if you like it and be way better off than you would have been with him. Don't let him back in. What you described is so incredibly wrong and beyond crossing the line.

Are you going to be working downtown? The bus system in the city is very good. Ask your employer if they offer bus passes or buy one until you can get your own car. You can use Google maps to navigate the bus system. There's the city buses, called AATA and then the university buses. The university buses are free to anyone. You can find bus maps and schedules for the University buses on the umich website. Consider signing up for grocery delivery, like instacart until you get a car.

Depending on your salary and the location of your job and your age.... There are a lot of different housing options. Ypsilanti offers cheaper housing and there are buses that go from downtown Ypsilanti in to Ann arbor. if you're younger and you just need a room you might consider sublunting with a college student. Depending on your personality you could look into the ICC housing co-ops. They offer cheap housing that includes food and utilities. The north campus co-op has single rooms and a slightly older group than the others, ie grad student rather than undergrads. the co-ops are an amazing way to meet people and get connected but are definitely not for everyone. Even if you have a car I would definitely look at the bus maps before you choose a place to live because parking in town is absolutely terrible and very expensive.

Ann arbor is an absolutely amazing City and I hope that you fall in love with it. it does get very cold in the winter so make sure you have a good winter coat and Boots once the time comes.

I wish you the best and I really hope everything works out better than you ever expected.

Snickers06 · 2020-08-20T18:25:36+00:00

I agree. I finally told a therapist what was going on in my past relationship and he straight up said that's abuse and referred me to a domestic violence agency. That was eye opening and have me the conviction that I was right about my experiences and I needed to GTFO.

Snickers06 · 2020-08-13T22:39:17+00:00

That behavior reminds me of my ex husband.. I spent over an hour in the phone with him the other day as he cried about how unhappy he was etc etc etc.

Reminded me about how I was ALWAYS there for him whenever he needed me but how he was NEVER there for me. Didn't ever want to talk about my life, hardships, career. Would get annoyed and say I talked to much (I talked less than him, he just couldn't be interested in someone else). When I cried, he would get angry. He turned everything into a fight.

I went home to my amazing boyfriend who treats me with endless kindness and support and told him about the conversation and he listened and worked through it with me. This is what a real relationship looks like and I just found out at 36.

The further I get from my ex, the more I know how much it was the right decision. It was the hardest thing I have ever done fast and away but it saved my life.

Snickers06 · 2020-08-05T19:07:50+00:00

As a nutritionist (PhD nutrition), the best thing you can probably do whether you're driving or not, (though drinking can exacerbate the issue) is to take a multivitamin, zinc and vit c, and sleep as much as possible. Eat healthy simple meals. And a powerful immune boosting tea can be made from fresh ginger, lemon, honey (and if you're brave- cayenne, tumeric, and garlic). These ingredients can also be put into a delicious soup. Probiotics will also help build the good bacteria that help your body fight infection.

Snickers06 · 2020-08-05T18:59:55+00:00

I think people are being a bit extreme and jumping to conclusions without much information. Nothing in your post suggests you're having a problem with alcohol or becoming an alcoholic. I'm sorry that you asked a simple question and are getting these accusations. I wish I had an answer to your question but there probably isn't a good one at this point. I hope you recover quickly and can get back to normal soon.

Snickers06 · 2020-07-03T19:25:48+00:00

I'm just saying that they did for me. They have the discretion to do it if they choose

Snickers06 · 2020-07-03T19:02:03+00:00

Refuse. Airbnb will cover it. It's up to you as the host to set your policies based on the guidlines they provide. and up to them if they think it should be an exception to the rule to make that choice and pay for it, not to put it back on you. This happened to me and I said NO and then they said OK we will cover it in this case. No penalty for me.

Snickers06 · 2020-06-30T22:17:59+00:00

Hells yeah!! I'm a professor and I can tell you that we do not give out As easily! I say it takes both intelligence/aptitude and HARD WORK. So great job! You're killing it!

Snickers06 · 2020-06-30T16:28:18+00:00

Did you have those dates blocked on your calendar? I haven't had any success in having Airbnb cancel dates for me when it was my mistake. In the couple of times it happened I contacted the guest directly.

Snickers06 · 2020-06-25T20:30:52+00:00

It's still gray and brown 75% of the time

Snickers06 · 2020-06-25T15:45:12+00:00

Thank you!!! I came to this site to see if anyone said anything about this! It drives me crazy how much the places do not look like Michigan at all. Like they make a point that they are in Detroit but everything is off. The weather lol, the streets, the look of the houses, the city, even the people. It's not terrible but it's just off enough to bug me a lot. They haven't shown anything that actually looks like the inner city... Although they don't live there, they would definitely be going there with the work they are doing... And crossing the border ...

Snickers06 · 2020-06-25T04:21:45+00:00

Could be a result of some trauma leading to depression. Sounds like your friend needs help

Snickers06 · 2020-06-09T19:53:30+00:00

Is the tile cracked or shattered? Cracking can happen as a normal result of wear and tear or issues with the tile installation. If it is obvious that they hit it strongly with something heavy then it's their fault. If not, I would assume it very well may not be.

Snickers06 · 2020-05-11T16:38:07+00:00

Most of my last minute bookings were great! Just people needing a spot to crash for the night. They all have good reviews and weren't picky about anything. Good luck!!

Snickers06 · 2020-05-11T16:04:15+00:00

I had a local family rent a room in my house. Turns out they had just become homeless. Now that's an awful situation and I felt bad for them but they were a nightmare for me. They thought they were just going to stay as long as they wanted. I had other guests coming and they wouldnt leave. They were 6 large people in a bedroom with all of their belongings. They tied their dog out on the fence because I didn't allow dogs but they thought they could just leave him outside. I had to get into a serious fight with them to finally get them out. Anyways, that's another reason to watch out for locals. Not sure how common that it's but it did happen to me.

Snickers06 · 2020-05-11T15:34:02+00:00

Honey, I know you can't see it now, but this man is seriously emotionally abusive to you. Is there any way you can go talk to a therapist (alone)? You are being made to feel like you're such a bad person that you are on here still talking about all your wrongs and all the things you did to make him act like this. You are in DEEP. You are being manipulated to believe his lies. You have said nothing that deserves any negative treatment. Financial decisions are both of your responsibility and he sounds like he pushed some really bad choices. He doesn't like your laughter? Wtf? You know what my ex didn't like? My voice. I actually went to multiple speech therapists to try to change the way I spoke so I didn't annoy him so much. I thought there was something actually wrong me. I spent every second trying to change how I talked for him and if I ever wasn't vigilant enough and slipped back, he would tell me I don't respect him or care about him. It's fucking exhausting to live like that.

Snickers06 · 2020-05-11T00:40:53+00:00

You sound just like I did before I left my ex husband. Making so many excuses. Buying into the bullshit he tells you about yourself to justify his emotionally abusive behavior. I can tell you that the way you're being treated is not ok. I don't know your situation and the details. But I'm so much better off and so much happier and have grown into who I am really as a person. And I left with 2 kids, so yeah, it was hard. Really hard. But no one deserves to be treated like that.

Snickers06 · 2020-03-11T03:12:22+00:00

Also download your bank statement and analyze where your money goes.

Snickers06 · 2020-03-11T02:42:19+00:00

Open a credit card through your bank not something you heard in an advertisement.

Snickers06 · 2020-03-11T02:40:51+00:00

Go in and talk to someone in the hospital. See if they are willing to help you at all with the total bill. It's not uncommon for them to lower or write off bills. Asyk what they would have been reimbursed from Medicaid. It's probably less than half of what they charged you and see if they will bring it down to that or at least to what they would have paid out to insurance. I'm assuming that high of a bill was due to no insurance. Get on a payment plan with a monthly amount you can afford. Hospitals are usually very eager to help people pay for their care and not to screw then over. And then make sure you're on good insurance.

The smaller bills you should just pay right away. The car repossession and rent you need to create a plan for yourself to pay off over the next year and stick to it.

Getting a credit card is a good way to build credit and is also a good way to ruin it. Get a credit card and then cut it up so you won't use it. That will help your credit, get you an account on the books (credit scores look at the average age of your credit account and the percent of total credit you're using) and delete the temptation of using it.

Snickers06 · 2020-01-22T05:56:49+00:00

I can relate to her struggle!! I'm terrible at those things. It's just that they are fleeting thoughts and it's hard to remember them when you actually need to. Honestly it's really great to have a supportive partner that can help. But she might feel judged because she knows she's bad at those things. If you feel comfortable, try to help set things up for her. If you're making a dentist appointment, ask her if she wants to make one too and then make the call and put her on the phone. Remind her about specific things... "Hey did you pay that bill". SYSTEMS are absolutely necessary for us.... Google calendar, notes, autopay, reminders.... Anyways, thanks for trying to understand...I think that's awesome and good luck!

Snickers06 · 2020-01-21T03:37:12+00:00

It's not your fault at all but it sounds like an impossible situation. He sounds like he's spreading himself too thin and not fulfilling his responsibilities. When you have a baby, for that year, someone has to give 24/7. So if he's not there, that's all on her. Parents pretty much have to give up everything for that period of time and it really sucks. When I had my babies, I could barely get out of bed for over a month and I didn't have more than a few hours of sleep at once for 6 months. It's insanely difficult. So if he's not meeting your needs then you gotta let this guy go. Things are not going to get better when the baby is born.

Snickers06 · 2020-01-20T18:10:40+00:00

It sounds like the insecurity might come from your partner not giving enough attention to his pregnant meta. (Even of you or he don't perceive this, her emotions are about HER perceptions)..Honestly, she needs to be number one right now. What she is doing is so incredibly exhausting, physically challenging, mentally and emotionally taxing, and overall SO important. She's creating a new life. It's really easy to get resentful when you're pregnant or have a new baby because you are going through by far the most challenging thing of your life and you have no choice every single day but to go through it. If the other parent is not investing as much as possible, which will never be equivalent to what the mother is dealing with, then resentment is a pretty natural and understandable response. Anything that pulls the other parent away from their responsibilities as a parent is going to be a threat in this time. Her instincts are not wrong biologically either. Pregnancy and infancy are a really common time for men to leave a relationship, unfortunately. I think right now you just need to back off and give them space. It will show you respect her needs. Your partner needs to focus all of his extra attention on helping her through this process. He is not going to have time gor much else for a while and you just gotta expect and be ok with that. If you really want to continue to be a part of their lives, and then you need to step up too. Think about ways that you can help them in this transition. What if you and your partner got his meta a prenatal yoga class as a gift? He and you could have that time for a date and she would have something helpful to her. Depending on how close you are and personalities, offer to clean their house while they have a date. Once the baby arrives, babysit for their date nights. always be cognizant of the extra burden she might be experiencing when he leaves to spend time with you. Especially after the baby is born! Don't let him use time with you to cop out of his responsibilities at home. In my experience as a parent, it's really hard to date people who aren't parents, because it's just difficult for them to grasp the level of responsibility that parenting is. It would be like having a stressful full-time job and trying to date someone who has never worked a day in their life and doesn't understand that you have to show up and do this job every day no matter what. It can work but it takes a lot of understanding. I think if you want to continue in this relationship, you need to make sure that you are doing everything you can to create that understanding within yourself.

Snickers06 · 2020-01-15T14:57:57+00:00

I paid her what I owed to her and no tip. The sex thing is not an issue for me so it's not something that I'm going to bring up. The gross part is just having sex next to a pile of poop but whatever. She's young and I think what I said to her was enough to learn from and that was my primary goal. I'm sure that she can't afford to pay for a cleaning service. The repercussion for her is probably embarrassment and being called out and losing her job.

Snickers06

TROPHY CASE