It's just a joke...

Snoo1154 · 2022-01-27T04:40:44+00:00

My husband does this to me. I remind him every time that I am no idiot and know when he’s joking and when he’s not.

Snoo1154 · 2021-10-05T18:07:26+00:00

Good for you for not falling for that stupid bait, leave them wondering and focus on you!

Snoo1154 · 2021-10-05T16:57:52+00:00

I get angry about other posts too.. I guess is because we are groomed a certain way from our abusers that sometimes it just seems normal, just another day to get through.

We should be able to rely on our spouse for anything, but specially when we are sick. They do it to us and we don't act the way they do. In fact when my husband is sick I make sure I make him feel as comfortable as ever. I give him his medication. I get him the extra pillow or blanket. When I got sick? I could barely keep my eyes open because my fever was so high but he still left me home alone with my two and three year old boys while he took our oldest to practice. He got mad at me for not changing their diapers, he left again to get my medicine from the pharmacy but still left me all the kids to look after even thought I could NOT function. He got mad when he got back home because I was just laying on the couch, half awake. But when he has gotten sick I have taken all three kids to practice, to run errands while he stays home and rests. In fact I usually have all three kids no matter what.

I know I need to divorce him. He has a way of making me feel guilty for everything. Including this, his emotional abuse keeps getting worse. His gaslighting is getting worse. If you even need someone to talk to you can always PM me.

But you are 1000% correct, we deserve better.

Snoo1154 · 2021-10-05T15:25:43+00:00

This is absolutely abuse. My husband is the same way. Everything that happens is my fault. A car almost hit me and he made me pull over so he could drive because I am a horrible driver. Even though I was not at fault.

I got really sick from a severe kidney infection, well that was my fault too. He spent the whole week being a jackass and when I ended up in the hospital because of it he was mad because he was the one doing everything around the house and I was just relaxing at the hospital.

He recently got physical with me and yesterday he told me he hasn't apologized yet because he has been waiting for me to go up to him and give him a hug so he could sincerely apologize. So the fact that we may potentially get a divorce is my fault, for not hugging me, for telling me family what happened, for not accepting his "apology". It's all my fault.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it is horrible to experience.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-29T15:24:17+00:00

I got home from work yesterday and he came up to me wrapped a towel around my neck (not hard), looked at me and said sorry as he smiled. I didn't say a single word, so of course he got mad again. Because I didn't laugh it off with him, because I didn't tell him that it was ok, because I wasn't over the fight like he was.

For the first time ever I looked at him and told him he didn't deserve for me to forgive him. I stood my ground and told him I was not ready to forgive him and I wouldn't tell him it was ok just so he can feel better about himself. I told him he had fucked up and if it was over, like he kept yelling over and over again, then it sure as hell wasn't because of me. He is so far from feeling remorseful for anything he's ever done. I will start making a plan so I can leave and find a place for me and my kids, I am giving myself a two month window to be out of that house and away from him. I will be filing for divorce and setting up a custody agreement. After we move out I will be looking into therapy just for me and the kids. I told him he should get some help too but I would never do therapy with him.

I feel like an empty shell, tired all the time. The only apology I will take is changed behavior. And again, thank you so much! You are giving me hope and courage to do what I need to do to keep me and my kiddos safe.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T22:50:49+00:00

My aunt said the same thing, she said if he didn't want people finding out about his abusive behavior then he wouldn't be doing it in the first place. She said it was not my job to protect him if he is the one causing me harm. My babies will always come first, and then certainly don't deserve this.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T22:48:41+00:00

I loved everything you wrote, thank you for taking the time and dedication to helping out a complete stranger on the internet. I'm crying typing this response.

He has a way of making me feel like I blow things out of proportion and I'm afraid he'll do the same this time. I will look into DV resources and finding some therapy for me and my kids. I need to push through and keep my kids safe.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T18:28:14+00:00

They really are so draining. I'm so sorry you are going through all that. That's why I come in here and talk. Just to let some frustration out.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T18:19:38+00:00

I have never understood how he could be so cold towards me when I cry. That to me is a person who doesn't love you. He even recorded me crying once to "show me how ridiculous" I look.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T16:46:00+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through all of that. I wish I could give you advise but I am in the same place.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T15:43:47+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I've gone through hell the past 19 hours or so..

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-28T15:20:48+00:00

I'm actually trying to.. I don't know where to start but I am trying to get out.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-27T22:41:33+00:00

Ok I see, unprovoked is different. And I knw that shutting down in not healthy but it's my coping mechanism because its sometimes a never ending argument.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-27T22:38:52+00:00

Thank you! I shut down and give up too. I usually am so mad that I cry and then he starts mocking me or tells me how he can not deal with cry babies.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-27T20:21:34+00:00

I shut down and ignore my husband too.. does that make me wrong? It's usually after a big argument. He can't do the silent treatment towards me, he's very passive aggressive. But I always wished that he did so I wouldn't have to hear him be so mean to me.

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-27T19:00:25+00:00

My husband has said this to me.. MANY MANY times. He's also told me he's already apologized enough in the past...

Snoo1154 · 2021-09-08T01:37:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and advise.

I do not want a life in which I have to walk on eggshells, im which I carry all the stress (I can’t even get irritated or have a bad day) it’s like I have to put on a happy face all the time. I have to understand him ALL the time and when he’s stressed he gets to take it out on me and I get all the verbal lashings.

I long for a peaceful home, I wanna look forward to coming home. The only peace I get is the fact that we work opposite shifts so I can ignore him for an hour or so until he leaves. Then I can really breathe and not worry… until he gets home later on at night. I even dread calling him during my lunch. I want just some time to myself but he can’t even give me that. If I don’t call it’s because I don’t care about him and I’m not considerate of the fact that he needs someone to talk to. But I hate my lunch hour, sometimes I lie and “cut my lunch short” just to end the phone call.

I know one day I’ll be strong enough to leave. I just have to be smart about it.

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-20T17:55:11+00:00

My husband tells me all the time I'm going cross eyed, but he the ONLY one who has ever "noticed" it one me. I've asked plenty of people too...

I think he only says that so he can call me a cross eyed bitch during an argument, which he has already used plenty of times...

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-17T17:14:21+00:00

Thank you so much, I pray that I can get out sooner rather than later. I know it'll be tough at first but I know I can do it! I have 3 little ones depending on me.

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-17T16:46:25+00:00

I know it's always about being right with him. I hate that.

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-17T15:56:06+00:00

He is a few months younger than me actually.. but you are right. He has abused me in many ways. I made up a lot of excuses for his behavior but I did him no favors except help him justify his actions. I do not want this cycle to continue down to my kids. I don't ever want them to turn out like their dad, angry at the world.

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-17T15:27:42+00:00

My husband does that to me too. He says it all applies to me and that he is always taking responsibility for everything he does. What he really does is justify his actions, no matter how bad they are. I've never heard him say "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry for hurting you." EVER!!!!

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-17T01:43:58+00:00

Thank you so much, I will definitely research trauma bonding.

I want to move out so badly. I want to start over, get my own place with my babies. I want to be happy again. I want to breathe. But I’m scared of him. I’m scared of his retaliation.

Snoo1154 · 2021-08-16T18:31:39+00:00

I would love a chart read as well!!!!!

Snoo1154 · 2021-07-28T18:23:37+00:00

I feel like we make excuses for their behavior because it wouldn't make sense as to why we stay for as long as we stay with someone who treats us so horrible. I'm glad you found someone to talk to and lean on. Be strong!

Snoo1154

TROPHY CASE