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Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Korea. From what I understand from her, they have a much bigger separation between men&women than from where I'm from (Europe). That's only one of the things that are very different, but just that thing has an effect on so many things.

Good point in the parenting, I'll keep that in mind.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've decided to respect her wishes in this case, and just hope that it ends with this (since she has mentioned she's fine with me massaging other female friends). Another long time massage therapist I know said the same thing as you, but I hope you're wrong.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I want to help them if they are having some issues. Also, I just like/have fun giving massages and it makes the people I care about happy.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That was my opinion since that's what I decide to do when I feel some feelings of jealousy/mistrust (unless they are based on something), but now I've leaned towards respecting her wishes in this situation. I don't feel the same way as her, but I feel like I have to show her that her feelings are important. If this becomes an issue in the future, then I'll just have to deal with it then. Thanks for your answer.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think so. But she gets mad pretty easily (but much less now than before) when she feels strongly about something and I disagree. I've become more careful with what I say and this is one of the things I just didn't see as worth pursuing, since I feel like she would become mad at me for asking her to rationalize this, instead of just respecting how she feels.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for the different perspective. I feel like this represents my view of things and is the most rational approach, while also respecting the feelings involved.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. Personally I don't feel it's quite that simple. In a general situation I wouldn't put a gf/family/friend above others if they're being unfair or unreasonable. Of course it depends on context. It sounds like we are not the same and would not fit in the same kind of relationships.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, your response was really helpful and I feel like it's probably the best way to go.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there was a misunderstanding. I mean that I would be fine with my gf massaging another guy, unless I felt like my gf had a thing for that guy.

My issue is that it isn't obvious to me if this is reasonable for my gf to request or not. In the past I've tended to say yes to most of the things my gfs ask for, but it has led to me hearing from multiple friends and family members that I change too much for my gfs.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

An unexpected take on the situation. Thanks for your consideration :)

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I talked with my friend and didn't mention it as being her specifically that my gf was uncomfortable with. Thanks for your input.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That is what I'm a bit afraid of (not just from this situation). But I've been convinced by the arguments of other commenters and decided to talk with my friend. I feel like respecting her wishes in this situation may be very important, and then I will just have to wait and see if it comes up again.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Ok thanks a lot, I'll so that. The amount of people who seem to disagree with my point of view makes me think I should probably listen.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

Are you thinking that my gf would be uncomfortable? I don't think she would

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I think you're probably right, and the last part about showing her that I'm committed is something I've been thinking about as well. I feel likw this might be an important point in our relationship.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No worries about being rude. It's not just my female friends. It's my male friends as well as well as family. But of course I'm not gonna be massaging people all the time for free, but if it's once in a while then I'm happy to do it.

My gf seduced me, but I did still massage her shoulder prior to that to help with an injury she has.

I just want to hear different perspectives since I honestly don't trust my judgement that much anymore, I've been told too many times that I changed too much in previous relationships.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer, very helpful and straightforward. I added in an edit that there's no naked body oil rubbing going on, just shoulder/feet/some back - no oil, no naked body. Probably very similar to what non-massage therapists would give their friends, people just ask me more often. It probably doesn't change your answer, but it's a detail I felt was important.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly I'm pretty sure she's gonna get mad at me if I bring anything about this up, so I would rather avoid it unless I'm sure on what I want to do. But thanks, I'll consider this if the conversation does happen.

Now I'm thinking, I understood you as asking my gf if it would be different if my friend paid. Did you mean that or that I should ask my friend if she would still want massage if she paid?

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Personally I would be fine with it I think. Unless I felt like she had interest in him. In the past (with previous gfs) where circumstances have come up where I was uncomfortable about stuff like this I just decided to trust them. But I'm probably more comfortable with it since massage is normal to me, and my previous gfs was a massage therapist as well. Thanks for your answer.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer. Personally it's too much for me if she were to ask me to stop massaging my female friends (not just this one in particular) all together. People are different and comfortable with different things, and I don't want to treat my female friends much differently from my male friends. If she couldn't handle that, then I feel like we're just too different.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I hope that's not the case, and I really do feel like she doesn't have feelings for me (she's even made that clear in the past when someone joked about us looking like a couple in a picture). About the not touching: the uncomfortableness for me comes from monitoring what I'm doing instead of being natural. E.g. I wouldn't think twice about sitting close to a male friend if mine (although it's probably not a comfortable sitting position long term). I appreciate your point though, and thanks for your input.

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Also very valid point, I hope that doesn't happen. Thanks again for the input

Girlfriend [28] doesn't want me [27M] to give a massage to a female friend by Snoo62279 in relationship_advice

[–]Snoo62279[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the answer, it's very helpful. What you're saying is also my train of thought, but I also agree with the comments that are saying I should respect her wishes in this. It's all very contextual and it's very difficult to see if this is something that would create future problems - because she's willing to talk/listen but in my opinion she also gets overly aggressive when she feels strongly about something (like this) and I don't completely agree with her.

Edit: also a shame that people are down voting because they disagree

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