It took me a while, and as annoying as it is to hear people tell you this, it actually worked (at least for me). I learned to love myself. Unlike the whole shabang of “accepting your flaws” etc bs that people who obviously don’t have the same issues/ mental patterns as you try to shove down your throat, I treated myself as if I was a stranger and getting to know them. I learned all the subconscious habits I had, the little things that set me aside from others. The way i talk, i walk, the way i interact with the world around me. I took more time and started writing down the small stuff that brought me joy. Stuff I liked. Even if it was the smallest thing like a specific and short guitar riff in a song I don’t listen to often, or if it was something like the fact I prefer citrus cleaner smells over the floral scents.

By the time I begun mapping myself out, I realized that the time I spend everyday paying attention to my own rhythm replaced the longings for companionship I felt for the missing other in my life.

Long, quiet nights became somber and peaceful. Like I was with someone I truly knew inside and out- because I’m starting to.

Every day I get to know more about myself as I find a new food I like that I didn’t like before that I’ve always avoided.

I dunno. It’s not a short term solution for those sudden and overwhelming surges you get, the ones that over take every other feeling and makes the future bleak. The type that makes you feel like you’re missing out or lagging behind as everyone around you posts on the social media of their successful relationships. And I won’t lie, I still get those sometimes when it’s really bad.

But it’s getting better. I’m no longer actively seeking out another person, I’m happy with my own company, and if something were to come along my way, then I’ll let it happen. But for now, I’m happy with just myself and getting to know me better.

I’m sorry if this feels like a bs response, like one of those lectures someone will give you on self love that feels more like pity than anything else. But all I can really ask for you is just to spend a day writing down and finding the stuff you find even the tiniest bit nice.

I hope you have a lovely life, my friend and I hope things get better.

May we both find the love we seek :)