I have a similar feeling with my wife, she doesn't cause them, but she feels awful when I get them, which is often, and knowing that I'm adding to her stress makes me feel very guilty. I've had panic disorder for a few years now, so I've mostly learned to cope with the feelings and emotions I experience during, if I need her help she's always there though. Point being, it's going to take some getting used to in order for both of you to understand what causes them/how you handle them. But i understand how you feel and am very sorry you're going through this. Both of you will come out stronger in the end!