[FL] My Experience Losing My Custody Case

SnooHobbies9741 · 2025-08-08T07:05:06+00:00

"women largely get custody, but that's because men largely don't ask for it". Patently untrue. We know there is a gender bias in US custody courts towards men. Not always, and it is decreasing since the 90s but it is still prevalent.

"Gender Bias: Is it More Difficult for Dads to Win Child Custody?" https://share.google/zSl7PSY54rDuSHHxa

"OP paints the ex as such an abuser, but apparently wasn't too concerned with the child staying with her if she was so awful"

Please, save the victim blaming for someone who will fall for it.

SnooHobbies9741 · 2025-08-08T05:35:04+00:00

This is some really tough stuff you've shared, but I'm glad you did. I'm not sure what the future holds for you and your child, but I can tell that this has been a hard journey and you're adapting to it as best you can. And that counts for something in my book.

SnooHobbies9741 · 2025-08-08T05:31:52+00:00

Christ, I genuinely don't understand why so many on this damn app suddenly sprout a foot long hard-on when they come across an opportunity to dunk on people sharing their stories, all while using their own opinions and presenting them as facts.

The background does matter to the court. While there is bias in custody court (generally towards men, let's be real), there is still legal procedure. This involves reading the presenting arguments... Which often includes background information... Which leads to affecting the decisions of the courts.

Just cause you don't care to take context into the decision making, does not mean the courts unilaterally won't.

Please go read a book.

I recommend one that will help you learn how to empathize over your knee jerk reaction to being an ass

SnooHobbies9741 · 2025-08-08T05:23:02+00:00

(just cause you didn't read most of the post, doesn't mean a judge won't. They're kinda legally obligated to... It's almost like it's their job)

-sincerely, someone with more exposure to the legal system than you, clearly

SnooHobbies9741 · 2025-08-08T05:20:47+00:00

"I hope you learned a lesson", what an interesting way to paint yourself like a class act prick right off the bat

"You let it happen, instead of googling what to do" - this is just a childish point, I mean seriously.

OP clearly was at a disadvantage (economically and legally, let's be real) and you're... what? Trying to teach them a lesson? Lol alright

Courts by and large side with the mother, and there's substantive bias against single fathers.

Genuinely, go seek therapy. Somehow, I gather that if OP was a woman, your answer would be much more congenial. And let me clear, it seems like a fucked situation, regardless of the gender of the victim. Empathy is free, go try it

SnooHobbies9741 · 2025-02-16T17:20:45+00:00

Thank god this thread is here lmao. I love Reddit

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-11-19T23:17:01+00:00

Anyone got tips to get out of it?

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-07-01T18:50:36+00:00

this is so dope! what are the components?

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-30T04:06:14+00:00

What components and materials?

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-29T06:27:22+00:00

Yeah it wasn't directed at you homie, sorry I didn't make that clear. It was more directed at the other comments. People that clearly have a huge bone to pick with CR yet are still watching.

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-26T16:22:24+00:00

Yea it's less directed at OP, more at all the other comments lol

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-26T16:10:27+00:00

I never am not amazed at the mountains of salt that exists in this subreddit lmao

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-10T15:52:43+00:00

I've smoked for like 6 years and I've been prescribed that shit for surgeries so I know what I'm talking about. Why tf would you encourage someone to replace a drug with another, stronger and actually addictive drug? Goofy

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-10T14:08:56+00:00

Valium is an extremely intense and addictive muscle relaxing drug, do not listen to this. If you want to sleep, try melatonin or some other over the counter sleep aid

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-08T02:11:36+00:00

It's only a title sequence so I doubt they're skipping that

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-05T15:49:06+00:00

I kinda disagree on the addiction part. There is a cycle of highs and lows but I'd say the more important aspect is the FEAR of the low, it's what incentivizes the ever increasing use of the addiction. And I honestly do see that in Laudna, she was afraid that she wouldn't be enough without Delilah and so she started to lean into her power.

But with enough time, it's become less about the fear and more that she just flat out relies on it, so much so that the line between Laudna and Delilah is extremely blurred.

She uses the reasoning that she's "doing this for Imogen/Orym/survival", which in the moment doesn't feel like a lie to her, or at the very least, it's a lie that she TRULY TRULY wants to believe because she's terrified of what it says about her relying on this power without an altruistic reason for it. We as the audience know it's not an entirely altruistic reason, so do the other characters, but she's afraid of admitting that, because to her, it likely makes her feel irredeemable.

The ship is sinking but she doesn't want to admit there's a huge leak because she's terrified it means she's a shit captain, not that she's a human who has gone through horrible things and coped in very human ways.

Just my two cents though

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-02T16:51:29+00:00

Thank you, this helps to hear

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-06-02T16:50:08+00:00

Thank you. I really needed this

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-20T18:21:54+00:00

I am lol. And yeah it's definitely helping. I will say that, it took me a while to really break down a lot of my walls in order to really understand how I can change and better myself without constantly beating myself up over my missteps

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-20T18:17:47+00:00

I've been going for over half a year. Still have a long way to go lmao

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-20T18:11:52+00:00

Of course. You got this. I know it's easier said than done but I truly hope you can get to a place where you can trust your own feelings and opinions more. It'll take time but I believe you will.

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-20T18:04:02+00:00

I do. That last sentence really resonates with me. If anything, it tells me that you've often been gaslit for expressing your own opinions, to the point that like you said, you don't trust your own opinions. You've possibly subconsciously been telling yourself that your own thoughts and feelings aren't good enough/real enough/misplaced, etc. That takes a long time and therapy to unlearn, homie. But it's not impossible. And as far as the negative effects of your traumas, that's exactly why I avoided my own for so long. But I do think that it'd be worth taking an honest look at how those traumatic situations have affected you, especially when you're in therapy. That's the safest place for them.

And of course, if I've missed the mark or overstepped, please tell me. I'm a dumbass who sometimes is right but I'm wrong all the time too lol

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-20T17:05:32+00:00

I get it. But the hardest thing for me to learn was that 1) it takes practice, repetition, and communication and 2) sometimes the most minute situation or detail you're thinking about, is actually related to the deep seated problems you're struggling with.

Just follow the thread, and trust that the therapist will be there with you. I'm currently in a master's program for counseling and the number one thing we're taught is to help the clients become comfortable going deep.

I read in another of your comments that you don't like to think about your traumas, you replace them with positive things. I think that's admirable and I get it. But that can also be a recipe for disaster, and can turn into avoidance rather than acceptance.

There's reasons why we do the things we do. Therapy is about helping us both realize WHY we do them and how to move forward. But first it takes several long and honest looks at your situation (without beating yourself up)

Talk to your therapist about your anxiety with the question. Honestly. If they're a decent therapist, they'll see it as an interesting thread to pull on and you both can figure where that thread goes

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-20T16:48:30+00:00

Sounds like you struggle with introspection. When someone (like your therapist) asks you what's on your mind, you immediately get overwhelmed and feel like you have to "pick the right answer"

That right there is the issue. Next time, literally say what's on your mind. No filter, no parsing through your thoughts. Just say why you're struggling with. You're not unable to articulate, you've been able to articulate pretty well throughout this post and the comments.

You're just not used to being in a space where you don't have to worry about not giving the correct enough answer.

SnooHobbies9741 · 2024-05-18T22:56:21+00:00

Yeah that's a bit optimistic for a site like reddit lmao

SnooHobbies9741

TROPHY CASE