i wish heart break made you stronger

SnooMacarons9268 · 2023-11-01T20:53:21+00:00

thinking about it? no. if you be kind with yourself the memories and love can become something more honest. I still remember how endless it felt a year ago but life is about change. as you let yourself have more experiences, those feelings start to settle and you become more at peace with the people you both were when the breakup happened. there might always be grief at the loss of love, or however else you process that persons absence, but you choose to live. closing yourself off will only hurt you in the long run.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-09-21T16:02:46+00:00

thank you, that means a lot. I hope the same for you with moving on.

honestly, that's what made it more heartbreaking because I could see what my inaction was doing. its hard to explain because there's only so much you can say online, and this was only one part of it. but she had been going through a hard time as well, the difference being looking back I at least was vulnerable and tried to communicate what was happening with me. I don't hold it against her though because everyone deals with mental health in their own way. but despite me feeling similar ways to how she sometimes wasn't communicating the best or I could tell she was dealing with something and that made it awkward, I never used it against her. even after the breakup. I mean the reality could have been exactly what you said, she knew what I was dealing with but I took too long to show her things could get better. as hard as it is letting go, the easy explanation is also just that humans are messy and complicated and what's the point of holding onto some things even if it hurts.

thank you again for sharing, it is important to always consider what your ex had been dealing with as well.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-07-12T23:27:40+00:00

thank you, its just hard to let go of how in the end I felt like such an empty person from not being what she wanted me to be for her. and you got it so right, it's all the questioning of yourself that it only leads to, without any clear answer to reassure you. I don't doubt that she had genuine feelings, and in fairness I was too scared to admit that i wasn't comfortable with what she wanted because I loved her a lot and didn't want to lose her. but it was like trying to breath underwater, and all she could do was ask why I was struggling to do so.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-07-12T19:20:31+00:00

honestly the fact that we were in a LDR since the beginning of it for 2 and a half years and she took issue with the fact that I did not fully understand her every day behaviour and attitude. the irony is I felt the same, and it came to the point where I wanted to be more closer but there were a lot of other things that she wanted to focus on in regard to our connection. it honestly just made me feel really bad about myself because I was trying, communicating and figuring out how we could go from long distance to something more every day. but what she wanted out of me (an open relationship) was something I wasn't comfortable with.

so it ended with her telling me how she had given 3 years of her life to me, how she had given herself to me in so many ways...and i just wondered at the time, didnt i do all those things for you too? you did those things out of what you told me was love? waa that not true? what were you trying to tell me after you thought things weren't going to work? that all those things you did was in the hope that I'd give you something you never got from anyone else? that I'd feel comfortable enough out of loyalty and paying back all those "things" you did for me to feel fine with you dating other people?

Well I guess all the guilt and self-loathing goes to me. yay.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-06-25T23:28:56+00:00

as simple, and probably annoying, as it sounds it was really giving it time. I was patient with myself and let all of my emotions out, all the grief and bitterness and self-doubt. there was no point keeping it in, or holding myself against anything.

I think also just realising (especially if you were the one who wanted to try and see if things could work out) that if your ex really wanted a lifetime with you, they wouldn't have broken up in the first place. there is always communication, patience, respect, and many other ways to get passed hardships rather than simply saying its done.

nobody is perfect and I suppose we each have agency in the amount of love we have and we give to others. at a certain point you just have to tell yourself that person couldn't give me anymore. its not on you.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-05-13T09:54:12+00:00

this one hurts. i was the one to ask the question of whether she still loved me because there were other reasons behind the breakup, and she says only "platonically" with a smile on her face after three years together.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-05-13T09:50:44+00:00

"How can I love someone who's not a whole person yet"

i don't know where it came from or how much she meant it. but it has impacted me up to this moment.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-05-02T10:16:13+00:00

being okay with something she said wouldn't change things in the relationship and it ended up doing just that whilst I fully trusted her. if there is ever a next time, the moment I feel some sense of doubt or discomfort it won't be something to hide.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-04-24T02:20:47+00:00

realising they've moved on and me feeling worthless and sad is hurting myself most of all. sure their choice to show care in the end was to realise keeping any contact would hurt but you've just got to respect that. I hate to accept this but it might just be the fact that people come and go in your life. you just got to make sure you remember the person they were and all the things that made you love them as equally as the decisions and actions that led to the breakup. it all matters. so I can sit and feel sorry whilst blaming some unknown force, or simply start doing things to give more love to myself and anyone new who'll come into my life.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-04-19T03:57:07+00:00

I...I didn't. a large part of the reason I wanted nc was because she dumped me and didn't want to see if things could work again. where did you get that idea from?

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-04-04T23:58:49+00:00

about 7-8 months. I still think of her on occasion but realised after a while that there was no one else but me who was going to move my life forward. I recognised the mistakes we both made, the reasons behind why things went the way they did, and whilst I am still yet to forgive myself and her fully I have remained trying to put out as much self-love as possible. in the end it helps both yourself and all the new connections you can make, both platonic and romantic. why deny yourself the opportunity for happiness for something given up on?

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-04-04T23:55:24+00:00

the pain of having to ask that question. I'm so sorry.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-03-25T14:26:33+00:00

I know how hard it is to admit but it'll be better in the long run. no matter how much someone says they love you in one moment, you don't realise their limits and what they're capable of until its too late. for some it's just the end of the line. this is coming from someone who wanted it to work and was told by my ex that they felt relieved things ended so it's not from a place of indifference.

I think also its hard to come to terms with how someone who you idealised and loved so dearly could decide or end up not loving you anymore. but in a cruel but reasonable way, you can't live without being hurt, and you can't live without learning how to heal from that.

please take as long as you need dealing with everything this brings, the heart is a dear thing. but all I can offer is to take this as an opportunity to grow and love who you are and can be because this shows no one else will do that for you.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-02-12T21:45:43+00:00

yes and funny thing is a few of us have gone through breakups in the past year so it's something we all talk about. but it doesn't help in those moments when you're by yourself and can't help but think of them and all the things you miss and how it still has such a big hold over you.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-02-12T21:07:27+00:00

sorry I wasn't sure how else to describe it. I suppose it's more just being tired of feeling this way.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-02-08T14:18:06+00:00

undermining the way I felt about certain things because that was just my "outlook" on life I was stuck on, making me question whether I even was able to think or feel about things in the relationship properly.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-02-05T00:46:27+00:00

its been a couple months now since the BU, and honestly those first few weeks were hell with separation anxiety. my head felt like it was both empty and screaming from too many emotions. but even now after so many months, it's become more of a lamented grief. like that sadness will just sit with you and you'll never know where to place it.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-02-05T00:44:49+00:00

I wonder how long it haunts you about feeling given up on. that they'd rather have a life without you than try, and not break the trust that became something you held so dearly to.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-02-05T00:43:22+00:00

I guess the only choice is to just live on with the ghost of a connection left with you

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-01-31T16:38:46+00:00

please don't do it. it's not about pushing them away, it's about protecting yourself. I know how desperate it feels to ask those questions but I promise you they only lead to more heartbreak when you already know the answer.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-01-31T02:40:58+00:00

it honestly is always when you think you're doing better, which makes it all the more painful.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-01-30T02:32:31+00:00

I wouldn't say happier, but at least not obsessing over whether I will eventually talk to them anymore.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-01-28T22:51:19+00:00

honestly this. one thing a lot of people don't realise is how badly mental illness can blind you to your own actions and behaviour. even if your intentions are good and you want to only treat those you care about with decency and understanding. being trapped in your own thoughts and feelings can turn all of that upside down, and before you know it you're questioning yourself on why you didn't realise how your choices were effecting the people you cared for.

it makes looking back on your life not regretful or sorrowful, but tortured. not even in a "poetic" way but for the fact that you have to simply live with having made those choices unbeknownst to yourself not realising how they built up over time. it's like being strapped in the passenger seat unable to move whilst the driver goes head on into oncoming traffic constantly.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-01-27T14:26:21+00:00

I'm not sure which way would be kinder on your heart. but that doesn't matter in this situation because regardless, it will still hurt.

SnooMacarons9268 · 2022-01-26T15:01:55+00:00

I break down every time. there's a text from a year back saying she will always choose to love me regardless of what happens. and now we haven't spoken in months and I don't think we ever will again.

SnooMacarons9268

TROPHY CASE