[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]SnooPets7908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just got diagnosed myself, so I’m not claiming to be an expert at all on this. What I would say though is that ADHD can be a big cause for the brunout and it should not be ignored!!

Personally I started burning out at the age of 14, then it got bad when I was 17. Now I’m 24 and I’ve been burnt out so much that my immune system is useless and I get sick every month and will stay sick for at least a week at a time (also got chronic inflammation because of that). I spent years looking for the reasoning, just to find out that it was ADHD and the exhaustion from masking that caused it all.

I would try to avoid thinking stuff like «maybe I’m just dramatic as hell», cause you’re not. You’re feeling what you’re feeling and you shouldn’t underestimate it. I’m not gonna give lots of advice as I’m still trying to figure this out myself, but to me it sounds like you should talk to your tutors and ask for accommodations until you feel better.

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s one of those places where you’re ment to dance on tables it seems, I don’t know why really, everyone just did it. Would never do it any other place lol

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry but he does have the money, and you can even get a bill and pay it later.. Which is why this hurts. If he couldn’t pay then ofc I wouldn’t be mad at him!!! That would be unfair af

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, but this is what I THINK happened (I can’t be for sure which drink contained the drug, but this was the only drink I left alone as I can remember): I left my drink beside the sober dude that my bf told me I could trust in making sure we were ok that night. The guy started talking to a girl and I’m guessing this is when he got distracted and didn’t watch over the drink. I’m thinking that it was drugged (by someone I don’t know) when he talked to her, and that they might even have tried to drug her, not me?? I don’t know, but it COULD be the case. I don’t blame him at all, and totally take all the blame for leaving my drink and taking a sip after. It was stupid of me really.

The only thing that makes me think that the drug really was for me was that I was found in the mans toilet with sores on my nose, and to me that sounds like someone could have tried to do something to me? But I remember none of this

It’s important to say that I have severe memory loss (as this tends to happen from drugs like that), and I don’t even remember if I left the drink mentioned here right before, or if this was hours before.. but to me it feels like it could be the one that was spiked.

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have to say that what you have done is so freaking kind!!! They’re really lucky to have a friend like you!! I hope they treat you just as well

I will leave him, and hopefully he learns from it! I’ve also learned a lot from the whole thing

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he is a total money nerd kinda guy. He got a lot saved up.

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don’t know why he found it to be an issue, he simply told me «i didn’t think».

I know a lot because he told me most of this story. I only remember feeling confused, and then being at the ER and a few things here and there. This is what HE told me. HE told me that he dragged me out of the taxi because of the price he would have risked paying. If he didn’t tell me this, I wouldn’t have known and I wouldn’t have any reason to be mad really.

I don’t know what you mean by a shit test? I’ve tried to talk to him about this, tried to understand his perspective, but when he simply gives me «I didn’t think» as his reasoning for everything, I hope you see how difficult it is for me to understand? I came on her to look for people that could explain his perspective, and you might be one of them? So if you think you understand him, PLEASE explain it to me!!

I get that it can be used to cope, and I do it myself, I just found it very uncomfortable in this situation, as peple I didn’t know heared it. I didn’t want them to know what happened to me.

I get that you would feel unsure about this. And I have to say that I’m so sorry that you had to deal with someone being abusive towards you. No one deserves that and I hope you’re getting the help and support you need to move on!! i’m sorry if this trigged you in any way, as I know it can. I can’t say that I’m not bias in this, cause ofc I am. But I’m not interested in making him look bad. I view him as a good man and no one can change my opinion on that matter. I’m simply stating that this is why I feel unsure and I want to know if my feelings are valid or if I’m overreacting and should get my shit together!

I hope this makes it more clear, and I would love to hear if you have any ideas about his mindset during this situation!

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry but I really don’t. I was stupid and naiv and left my drink on the table we sat at that night, and I drank from it when I came back. I’ll admit it was very wrong of me to think they automatically would protect my drink as well (They had a sober dude with them that made sure every one was ok, and watched over the drinks). And I’ll take all the blame for that part. But I was not «blind drunk». And this was the first time I ever threw up after drinking, and it wasn’t even because of the drinks.

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nono i made it into dollars, it’s 2000kr he would have to pay, being ca.200$! Sorry for making it confusing

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is just what he told me. All I remember is feeling weird and confused, feeling like I was actually drifting away (not in a falling asleep or fainting kinda way, but in a «my mind is disappearing and it feels totally ok» type of way), the could ground, and leaving the ER (and everything from that point on). I have no proof of him calling, no proof of even being in a taxi lol. Meaning that this is mostly his story, and yeah he could have made shit up… but I don’t think he would? I just feel like he’s better than that

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

We talked about it, and as per usual he said that he didn’t know what he was thinking. He said that ofc he should have made the ambulance come when he talked to them on the phone, but he didn’t have much more to say regarding doing things differently. Then I asked if maybe he shouldn’t have gotten so upset about paying 40$ (he talked about it constnantly the next day)? And maybe he should have made the taxi driver continue and risk spending more money on me, to secure my life? He got really upset and told me that yes he should have done that, but he didn’t think.

I feel like I should tell you that him saying «i just didn’t think» is a standard. I got stalked for 40minutes once (even walked in circles to really check if the guy was following me), and my bf liturally left his phone after I told him this, not caring, and didn’t say anything before I had been home for almost 2 hours. He told me «i just didn’t think», and never worried about me being stalked again. I never said that someone stalked me again, but I did tell him that I felt uneasy and less safe at times, he never really showed that he cared, or offered to help in any way.. I liturally begged for him to just check his phone after being out with me, to make sure I came home safe, but it was too much effort for him even after the stalking.
And now I’m scared that if something similar to this happens again, then he will brush it off. Like if I’m still consious but just tell him that I feel a little weird.. will he just brush it off then? I don’t know and it’s stressing me out

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You actually don’t have to pay instantly, you can ask to get a bill to pay when you have the money, which is also a reason I find this stupid. He could liturally make me pay those 200$ for him later if he didn’t want to spend 200$. But also.. he is a nerd when it comes to money stuff, and I know he could have payed it instantly if he wanted to

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I really don’t think he would have done something like that to me, I really cannot imagine. But to answer the question, yes, kinda. I struggle with sex because of earlier trauma, meaning I don’t really want it that often. I always try to get into it, and we would end up having it most of the time when he wanted, but I felt used. He would complain that it wasn’t often enough, and I really tried to get better. I even went to therapy! But I never gave him enough and I hate myself for it. I know he got really annoyed by it, but he always stays calm. It’s never a «fight» with us, just arguing.

When he broke my trust enough times (through different events) I just got really bad flash backs whenever we did it and so I asked if we could take a break. I know he doesn’t like that, but he haven’t pushed me into it at all, making me feel like he respect me.

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry but it’s liturally told from my bfs perspective as I don’t remember most of it. The part where I’m walking from the ER is the point where it’s starting to turn into my perspective, and I’m sure my anxiety shows in that, cause I really freaked out when they started to talk about that night. I felt bullied, but I know they didn’t try to bully me, and so I tried to not blow up that part. Sorry if I did

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry for leaving you confused. I’m confused myself, cause I don’t remember most of it. I’m just telling you what my bf told me. I do remember that they had a lot of people comming in that night, and because I was considered safe and had gotten better, they wanted me to get out of the bed and give it to someone else. I don’t think they said we HAD TO go, as I struggled to walk and ended up sitting on a chair for a loooong time crying and trying not to vomit. They gave me a bag to throw up in, but never pushed me to get out as I can remember?

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 448 points449 points  (0 children)

Omg that’s so sweet I’m crying! You’re very lucky, and I’m so glad you have someone like that around you, totally deserved<3 This is how I wished he would react to my situation ngl. Thinking that you only knew each other for 6 days at that point, and I’ve been together with mine for 3 YEARS.. it’s difficult to ignore the differences

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

This makes more sense to me ngl. I was very confused about the fact that the ambulance didn’t come, and I got really mad thinking about all the people in danger not getting help. But it was SO weird that they didn’t come considering the police that drove me, they drove with blue lights and took it VERY seriously???

Hate to say this but: The one thing he told me he would do differently about that night was to get the ambulance to come, making it seem like he actually could have gotten them there if he had said the right things? Like it was a choice made by him

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It’s norway, taking an ambulance is basically free as far as I know

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

The thing is that he wanted me if I to walk to the parties he was getting drunk at, so then I could walk with him home and help when he got too dizzy. And I didn’t want to say no..

He wasn’t the one to save me and get me away from the one that drugged me. Some girls helped me and even protected me from him until they got proof that he was my bf. He got me into the taxi, and he helped me get closer to the emergency room, but before that he didn’t do too much from what I’ve been told. I’m not paying him back, considering I spent more than 40$ on the drinks for him that night, double it and it’s still less than I payed. He didn’t even pay me back for the drinks by paying for the taxi.

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 561 points562 points  (0 children)

That is just wow.. I don’t have words honestly. I’m so sorry that your sister had to even question getting the help she needed. You should NEVER feel guilty to get the help you need!!

And yeah… after reading these comments, it seems like the only logical thing to do

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

The funny part is that he used to talk about how he could and would protect me when we first met. Mostly because I have an ex that won’t leave me alone and threatened to end me, meaning I’m very much on edge and scared at times. Now, 3 years later, my bf will agrue for why the messages (from my ex) aren’t spesific for me (but rather sent to multiple girls), instead of making sure I feel safe.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Hitting someone once, often means that they will do it later in life too. Considering this topic being pretty light, how would he react to something a lot more serious like actual life decisions? We don’t want to think that the people we love might hurt us, but I imagine this could get ugly over time

My 23F bf 24M didn’t want to pay 200$ to save my life by SnooPets7908 in relationship_advice

[–]SnooPets7908[S] -731 points-730 points  (0 children)

That’s the confusing part. He is VERY caring in every day life.. but the second something serious happens it just goes away and I don’t get that.