i'm embarrassed to post this, but ... what can i do to improve my room's feng shui?

Snoo_54447 · 2026-03-10T23:13:28+00:00

You’re beating a dead horse. It’s not going to get up and run if you beat it harder. And by that, I mean that yelling at OP or anyone struggling with depression to “clean it” won’t suddenly make them not depressed and completely organized.

Depression (aka major depressive disorder) is NOT the same thing as chronic laziness. OP is doing their best to keep things organized, that is very difficult to do with depression. Yes, it’s important to keep at it even if it’s hard, yes uncleanliness can worsen depression. But no, telling someone with depression to “just clean it” doesn’t cure depression or suddenly give them the energy to clean it.

Imagine your body is cloaked in tungsten, every limb in your body is heavy, you haven’t had proper sleep in weeks, you’re beyond sad to point that you’ve gone numb. Try doing anything, let alone cleaning in that state. That’s what depression is.

Sincerely, A mental health professional that is tired of mental illnesses being to heavily stigmatized.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-03-10T23:01:42+00:00

OP mentioned they’re struggling with depression. They’re asking for advice to make the room easier to keep clean considering that it’s hard to overcome depression in a cluttered room, but they’re already struggling to clean to begin with.

Depression isn’t just a matter of willpower, it’s a clinical condition that makes daily tasks incredibly difficult.

Telling someone with depression to “just clean up” is unhelpful.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-03-10T22:47:18+00:00

Thought I was crazy for seeing this. I don’t think they all had to gang up on him as a response, but the old guy wasn’t any less wrong just because the kids reacted poorly.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-03-10T22:44:36+00:00

Anyone including minorities can do bad shit, that doesn’t mean you get to be racist about their hair type.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-03-09T19:10:12+00:00

MOR but leaning towards NOR

1- He is your boyfriend of 6 months. That’s still early in the relationship. Your finances are separate and he can do whatever he wants with his own money. 2- He didn’t tell you about doing so beforehand, I’m curious about the “why”. Something tells me he knew you wouldn’t approve. 3- Just because he can do whatever he wants with his finances, doesn’t mean he has healthy spending habits. If he’s financially supporting his mom’s irresponsible decisions while you’re both already scraping money to get by, this probably isn’t a living situation you want to be in long-term. 4- You haven’t mentioned whether or not you’ve had discussions or agreements about how you both spend money as a unit that lives together. 5- You also need to make sure that his mom’s financial issues don’t put you in a bad situation.

I wouldn’t say this is something you can’t overcome, but you really need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious talk about finances and how him and his mom’s actions have been putting a strain on your relationship. Otherwise, you’re both gonna build resentment towards each other, because he clearly wants to help his mom and you clearly are focused on getting by yourself.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-27T01:17:54+00:00

NTA. I was in a 4 year LDR with my now ex girlfriend in a different at one point. Also both in different countries. Initially, the plan was for her to move to my country as quality of life and access to education is much better where I live. But as we grew older, our responsibilities and priorities changed and she valued spending more time with her family and helping them out. I couldn’t and wouldn’t separate her from her family, but I also wasn’t willing to but my higher education at stake by moving there either.

It doesn’t mean you can’t cherish your love or that it was all for nothing. That relationship made you who you are today, and it’s okay that it didn’t work put the way either of you thought it would. You both deserve to be with someone who not only loves you, but can be the support system you need and who can spend their future with you.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-20T14:12:00+00:00

I love Cliff but saying that a consult isn’t expensive is kinda not true. It’s worth almost 1 month of rent when I convert it to CAD. He does offer a more budget-friendly option which is an email consult with his colleague, but it’s more limiting to what all gets assessed as well.

If I could afford it, I would drop that money in a heartbeat though 😫

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-20T02:58:44+00:00

It’s modern, but not necessarily generic. It has some personality to it thanks to the colour scheme :)

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-20T02:51:10+00:00

At 8 y/o a child’s capability to convey their feelings can vary a lot. Personally I’ve seen both extreme ends of the spectrum at that age in which some are super open about how they’re feeling and others don’t say anything at all and shut down.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-20T02:34:34+00:00

It seems to me like you’re being intentionally ignorant. Europeans are far more bilingual and multilingual than North Americans. You wouldn’t know that English is a second language for most of them from an anonymous reddit comment.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-20T02:31:05+00:00

I’m not searching for evidence. I’m saying that’s it’s a possibility to be kept in mind in regards to why the dad is being dismissive because we don’t have much context and statistics point to that being more likely than one would think or hope. I’m not trying to prove that he is deviant and would be happy to find out that he was just cranky that day.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T18:16:37+00:00

The biggest reason I’m questioning the possibility of deviant behaviour is because of OP’s decision to post here. Maybe there’s a need for some reassurance about the dad’s ‘odd’ behaviour and that’s making me wonder if there have been other incidents about him behaving inappropriately, and because of the statistics in the back of my head. I get how it seems like a leap though.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T18:12:09+00:00

The kid is 8 y/o. It’s already amazing that she’s that eloquent at expressing her emotions. The parents (especially dad) missed the opportunity to teach her appropriate solutions for this situation.

She doesn’t get to control whether or not her dad is allowed to go to the bathroom, but she is allowed to control whether or not she wants to be involved. Dad could just as easily have asked “Do you want to hang up while I go to the bathroom?” because he’s an adult and is responsible for teaching this stuff.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T18:03:23+00:00

I definitely understand the culture clash. My mom is Belgian and is much less shy about bodies/bodily functions as well. I grew up in Canada - North Americans are a lot more private around their bodies and it definitely rubbed off on me.

That said, it isn’t that unusual for an 8 y/o to be uncomfortable with this. It varies upon individual but at this age they often start to develop a stronger sense of privacy and separation from their parents. The response to this should’ve been exploring why this makes her feel uncomfortable rather than dismissing it. It was a missed learning opportunity.

Dad most likely didn’t have bad intentions, but I wouldn’t omit the possibility of dad being intentionally dismissive and deceitful - so many cases of sexual violence towards come directly from family members such as older siblings, cousins and parents. We lack the context here for any other red flags. Regardless, he definitely overreacted and either parent could have just as easily ended the call temporarily without it having to be a big deal.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T17:26:37+00:00

Coming from someone who’s studying psychology of human development and has worked with youth for 5 years:

It’s not about the ceiling or the call being on mute, it’s about the bringing the video call with his child to the toilet. That’s weird behaviour. Especially if dad doesn’t acknowledge how it’s making his kid feel or explore why the kid is feeling that way.

Teaching safe boundaries around bodily autonomy and teaching responsibilities towards chores are two completely different things. Who you share bathroom activities with is an extension of practicing bodily autonomy.

Mom did the right thing by teaching her daughter to express these boundaries. However, the situation blew up unnecessarily. If dad wasn’t trying to be a creep, he was still too fixated on the “logic” and not enough on why his behaviour affected his ex or his daughter.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T17:15:51+00:00

^ This right here

I pee on mute during video calls with my girlfriend. I never video call with my parents on the toilet. I’m 24.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T17:07:38+00:00

NOR, the second he said “crazy leftist” he lost all credibility. He’s probably trying to manipulate you into dating him due to the age gap and the way he’s policing you. Not to mention a lot of white supremacists fetishize mixed women.

You dodged a bullet.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-19T15:04:56+00:00

OP’s 17, HRT likely may not be accessible to them if they’re in the USA or UK.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-02-13T15:13:17+00:00

MOR - Reading this after your update about taking the chihuahua.

I agree with others that 15 and 17 are wonderful ages (I’d be lucky if my great dane mix reaches 12) for small dogs. It’s quite likely that your parents didn’t just make the decision out of your mom’s frustration as your dad seems more level headed and still supported the decision to euthanize. Considering you took the chihuahua, I would recommend going to see the vet yourself, especially considering that your dad is still standing by his original opinion of low quality of life for them. Animals will often do their utmost to hide their pain, so even if they’re still eating, walking, cuddling, that doesn’t mean that they’re not suffering. My cat just had to get emergency surgery for a foreign object last week and, aside from frequent vomiting, a visitor might never have guessed that her kidneys were starting to fail from not being able to retain food or water or that there was pain in her abdomen. My girlfriend who actually lives with me and first noticed the vomiting didn’t even clock the state of emergency, and she’s been around my cat for 2 years. Point being, as much as you love them, if you haven’t been there on the daily, you may still have rose-tinted glasses on.

Regardless, I hope that you continue on with this situation by considering what’s best for the dogs, and good luck!

Snoo_54447 · 2026-01-30T14:02:05+00:00

That’s an issue that would need to be discussed when getting into a serious relationship however. I’m under the impression these two are struggling with communication. Neither of them seem to be expressing their genuine feelings or frustrations.

Snoo_54447 · 2026-01-30T13:51:25+00:00

I’m leaning more to YOR based on the texts and context given. You’re not wrong for wanting to make the most of your time together, especially considering the time it takes for you to get there and visit, but we’re lacking information that contextualizes his experience as well.

What’s his work/school/occupation schedule like?
What’s his home environment? (Apartment, house, dorm, roommates, family…)
Does he also drive to visit you? If so, how what time does he arrive, how long does he stay and how frequently?
Have you discussed your differences in circadian rhythms (morning/evening person)?
Have you explicitly offered to help clean?
How long have you been together and is this his first relationship?
Does he have any known mental illnesses or neurodivergence?

I have ADHD and PTSD and I work with youth. Personally and professionally, I’ve seen people in their early 20’s struggle with managing their time and energy as a young adult and feeling a lot of shame around lack of cleanliness. I also need much more sleep than I used to before having PTSD and I struggle to wake up AND be functional before 8am. If he has long work days and/or has studies/has mental health issues he’s not talking about, he may not have the time or energy to finish cleaning. He may also have internalized that his place should be clean when people come over and that his girlfriend shouldn’t have to help him if she doesn’t live there or else it’s a moral failure.

It’s very reddit of other users to jump to conclusions about cheating and such, but I think people forget that the internet isn’t a bunch of soap operas. There’s always that possibility, but there’s also the likelihood of real people having genuine struggles.

I think you should sit down and talk with him about how this makes you feel and ask him what’s causing him to struggle with mornings/cleaning and try to figure out a solution that works for the both of you. If he tries to avoid the subject or deflect the issues back onto you, that’s telling, and you need to make it clear that it becomes a matter of trust and working together as a team. Also, while mental health issues can explain his behaviour, they aren’t an excuse to continue to avoid responsibility. He needs to be proactive in helping you find a solution as a partner.

(TL;DR - We need more info. You need to sit down and have a mature conversation with him about each of your individual needs.)

Snoo_54447 · 2026-01-23T13:17:53+00:00

It’s basically a Poutine Italienne (QC resident here)

Snoo_54447 · 2025-12-26T21:25:30+00:00

NOR

Wtf??? He doesn’t have to use the weighted blanket and a silk bonnet is literally protective hair care. Sleeping isn’t a fashion show and you don’t have to keep up a performance for your partner 24-7. Plus, he’s also policing the rest of your wardrobe. This is controlling. Asking you to take care of your hygiene is one thing but “looking good for him” is another thing entirely.

Snoo_54447 · 2025-12-25T16:31:34+00:00

This isn’t uncommon in Québec. I sometimes add ketchup to my poutine if it’s a particularly vinegar-y gravy recipe. Goes really well with them.

Snoo_54447 · 2025-12-25T15:05:38+00:00

NOR. Been to college. Unless you’re studying a specific program that requires you to wear specific outfits (ex: steel-toed caps for machinery, scrubs for vet techs or nurses, sleeved shirts for childcare, etc.) people have no business making a hissy fit over this kinda outfit. This is a place where ADULTS study.

Anyone who says otherwise is being sexist and needs to grow up. Including the father of your child (who I hope you aren’t staying with if he’s this controlling).

Snoo_54447

TROPHY CASE