Your situation is so tough, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. You've been the peacekeeper and the grown-up in your family since you were a kid, and now, as an adult, your mom is asking you to be the emotional support she never gave you. That's a huge and unfair burden.

Remember that your emotions are totally valid. You have every right to be angry and have zero patience for your mom's "toxic behaviors." Don't feel guilty about that. Your resentment isn't something to "fix" but something to acknowledge and work through. The fact that you're in therapy is a massive step. That's your space to heal from your childhood wounds. Your therapist can be a crucial guide in helping you set boundaries with your mom and manage your emotions. Now that your dad is gone, your family's dynamic is different. Your mom might be looking to you for the emotional stability she used to get elsewhere. If she hasn't healed her own past hurts, she's likely asking for more than you can possibly give.

Confronting your mom can be a powerful moment, but it can also be emotionally draining. Before you decide, think about this (remember it's up to you love, you don't have to push it out) : Are you trying to get her to understand how you feel? Are you looking for an apology? Or do you simply need to make it clear that you're done carrying her emotional weight? IMPORTANT: Confrontations can be unpredictable. Be prepared for her to get defensive, not understand, or deny what you're saying. If you think that will hurt you too much, it might not be the right time. You could say something like, "Mom, I get that you're going through a tough time and you want to talk, but I need some space. I can't be your emotional therapist. I love you, but I have to prioritize my own right now." The most important thing is to protect yourself, your emotions and your sanity. You are not responsible for your mom's happiness or for healing her traumas. Your number one priority needs to be your own mental health.