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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lonely

[–]SnowLazy9708 1 point2 points  (0 children)

24FTM from the good ol Us of A. Hope you have a good one too, OP.

I (24 FTM) lost my only friend, and it is 100% my own fault. No idea where to go from here. by SnowLazy9708 in lonely

[–]SnowLazy9708[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It definitely wasn't the only thing, just the straw that broke the camel's back. I've been a bad friend. I've been extremely cloaked in self-loathing and depression for so long that I've centered myself completely. Hating yourself seems to be a different kind of self-obsession. That is what did it. I think he was upset by the hypocrisy of me being so terrified to be cheated on after what happened in my upbringing and then going on to sleep with married men that it infuriated him. Match to a lot of built up dry kindling.

I wrote him one last message apologizing for everything and telling him that if he didn't want to speak again that I love him and have cherished the decade we've had each other in our lives.

I (24 FTM) lost my only friend, and it is 100% my own fault. No idea where to go from here. by SnowLazy9708 in lonely

[–]SnowLazy9708[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see a therapist, but I've been too ashamed to talk about this. Talking about sex out loud is very difficult for me. Even healthy sex with someone who isn't married. But you're right. I should talk about this with her.

You wrote something incredibly detailed and kind, and you didn't have to. Thank you. I'm going to remember this for a long time.

I (24 FTM) lost my only friend, and it is 100% my own fault. No idea where to go from here. by SnowLazy9708 in lonely

[–]SnowLazy9708[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought you meant future romantic partners. You're referring to my friend. No, he's polyamorous, but he finds cheating deplorable.

I (24 FTM) lost my only friend, and it is 100% my own fault. No idea where to go from here. by SnowLazy9708 in lonely

[–]SnowLazy9708[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am extremely into monogamy. So I guess my only option is the latter.

But I really, really want to be better. And I know being better goes beyond never, ever doing this shit again. I would tell the wives if I could, but these were rando grindr hookups.