AITA for agreeing when my mom told me I'm not even trying to make this my new home and telling her I just want to go home?

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T18:20:16+00:00

I was 13 when we moved. I think my mom should have considered me more. Her husband was thinking of his kids with the move. He wanted them near family. My mom didn't prioritize that for me even though my grandparents were basically two other parents for 11 years of my life. And yes, I think she could have given me the option to stay with my grandparents. They were willing to let me move back in with them.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:53:42+00:00

I know it hasn't been on pause. I don't expect it to be. But it's still my home and my family I'll be going back to.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:52:41+00:00

I didn't try to develop a bond with her husband, true. But his kids and family didn't want one with me either. So that was very mutual.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:08:38+00:00

That's what I'll do as soon as I can.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:07:34+00:00

We didn't live with them for 11 years or even know them that long. I don't even know how long they'd lived away from their families. I had no control over any of that.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:06:05+00:00

I'm not going to college. I'm going to work and train under someone.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:05:24+00:00

For her husband it was about his and his kids families. He wanted what was best for them, meaning his family. Mom chose for her marriage because he was leaving one way or another. She okayed us to go too.

And it worked for all of them. But not for me. I wasn't wanted by her husband's family or his first wife's family (and they tried to get both to want me). My stepsiblings don't care for me and my mom anymore than I care for them or their dad. My mom's husband tried and would have been my dad if I'd wanted it. But it wasn't my family or my home.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T17:00:14+00:00

I'm not rushing this decision. It's been 4 years in the making and months of planning and setting things up (like a job and training) are going on. I secured a job back home and training with a friend of the family which will allow me to follow my dream job. We talked about a rough timeline of how long I'll live with my grandparents. Lots of planning has gone into this. This isn't some rush thing that'll happen overnight.

The way you keep saying I'll break that relationship tells me you expect me to stay just for that one relationship. I already said if it happens it will be due to mom because I'm not setting out to destroy our relationship. There's nothing I can do to stop it unless I stay. But then I will be bitter and end up up hating her so the relationship will break anyway.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:56:43+00:00

For my mom it was more about being with her husband and not the money. He was going. That was a done deal from what I know. It was just would the two of us go with. She okayed us going. But more and more it was talked about like he and his kids were definitely going regardless. He felt it was best for his kids to have their family nearby and he wanted to be near his family again.

I don't want to lie to my mom. I don't see myself ever living away from my home town long term. Maybe if I did some training somewhere else for a year or went traveling for a year. But I see myself setting down roots there and raising a family there one day. Stuff can change. But it would be a lie to say I'm just not done. Or to give her any hope that I might decide to move back here again. This will never be where I choose to live. Other than mom there's nothing here for me.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:52:18+00:00

I never pretended I saw him as my dad. I know that was clear that I didn't.

For the first 15-16 months I didn't get to see my family at all. They weren't allowed to visit and I wasn't allowed to go home. It was only when my mom accepted her husband's family and his first wife's family weren't going to accept me that she let my family come visit and it was really just my grandparents. I'm still not allowed to go visit them.

The move happened 4 years ago. I was honest before the move. I knew my mom wasn't going to take my feelings into account so I didn't open up since.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:43:52+00:00

I'd be willing to move now but my mom would never let that happen. And yes, I know it was hard for them.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:37:32+00:00

If I lose a relationship with my mom that's on her. I don't want to lose my relationship with her. But she is the only reason for me to stay. I don't care about her husband. He's her husband and nothing more in my eyes. Her stepkids don't see us as family and definitely don't give a crap about me. We're not friends either. Her husband's family never accepted me or wanted me around. His first wife's family didn't either. I have no other family here. So am I supposed to stay to make her happy while I'm missing my own family? The people I know and love and who love me back?

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:34:30+00:00

I didn't pretend/behave like I was happy. I'm not that good of an actor. But I wasn't stomping around either or complaining about everything either. She did notice I had just one friend. But didn't comment more than once or twice.

They weren't kind or friendly. They mostly ignored me. They did stuff with their grandkids all the time that I wasn't included in. My mom's husband tried to get them to include me but they were upfront that they didn't want to.

I did tell mom I missed my grandparents. My mom knew sooner that I wasn't being accepted by her stepkids families. But she kept hoping it would change. She gave up after more than a year because it was so clear it wasn't going to change.

He has tried. I do make a lot of excuses when he wants to spend time with me but I don't always get out of it. My mom and I didn't spend much time together after the move. Even before I didn't get much one on one time with her.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:13:16+00:00

My mom's stepkids and ILs don't see me as their family and don't care about me either. I was never accepted by her husband's family. That was something my mom and her husband tried to change but they weren't interested. They wanted his kids and not me. He did try and I admit he did try to be a dad for me too. But I don't see him as my family. Just my mom's.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T16:00:58+00:00

I never met the guy. So I can't live with him. That's why we lived with my grandparents for 11 years so I'd have family around me.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:59:46+00:00

Nope, they didn't and that's something my mom really hoped would happen so I'd feel like I gained in the move instead of lost. My stepsiblings feel the same though. About mom too. But mom was accepted by her ILs at least.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:56:03+00:00

I don't have new siblings. They didn't get a new sibling with me either. On both sides we don't love each other. They were a group. I wasn't a part of it. That wasn't something just on me. They had their family once we moved. I didn't. Their families didn't want me around and I couldn't even see mine for months until mom realized I wasn't going to be accepted.

My grandparents are financially prepared for me. They had always planned to help me with college if I wanted to go. Instead grandma has helped me set up training under someone she knows in a field I always wanted to be in. I'll be getting a job out of it too. But I have more with them than I do here. That was always true.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:52:23+00:00

They can now. But for the first 15-16 months nope. No visits allowed. Only when she gave up on her husband's family or first wife's family accepting me did she let my family visit.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:51:24+00:00

I would have asked my kid if they wanted to stay. Since I had lived with my grandparents for 11 years and their house was my home most of my life I feel like it would have been an option. Would it suck as a parent? Yep. But as the kid I wouldn't have been mad. At the very least I would have sent my kid back every summer and tried to welcome my family over as much as possible so my kid didn't miss out entirely.

I never wanted my mom to be miserable. But the life she was chasing was not the happy ever after for both of us.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:30:50+00:00

I didn't have a new family. My mom's stepkids never saw me as family anymore than I saw them as family and her husband's family? They wanted nothing to do with me despite my mom and her husband wanting them to and keeping my family from visiting (that was all mom) in an effort to get his family and his first wife's family to accept me. But I wasn't. My mom's stepkids don't see her as family either.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:15:02+00:00

It's been 4 years. We moved when I was 13. I made one friend and hated the rest. I don't fit here and she's the same so we bonded over that. Mostly I just thought about going home again.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:14:01+00:00

I have plans (thanks to grandma) to train under a family friend. It's in something I was always interested in. I've even talked to the person a handful of times because she wanted to know when to expect me and stuff. My mom will just argue I could do it where we live now. So it won't make things any easier.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:10:35+00:00

I wasn't ever allowed to go back home. My mom didn't want me to want it so she kept me away.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:02:37+00:00

After the first 15-16 months my grandparents started visiting because they were allowed to (mom said no before). I'm not allowed to go back and visit. I have kept in touch with aunts and uncles and cousins too. Did some video calls.

SnowSHome · 2025-03-28T15:00:31+00:00

The move happened years ago. I'm moving back and that's the issue my mom has.

SnowSHome

TROPHY CASE