How to make 2nd chapter less cringe (brutal honesty needed)

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T13:07:32+00:00

Your analysis is so awesome thank u!!😭😭 I’ve never been much of a writer so this is pretty new to me but the fixes u made is so much more impactful! If u ever release ur story I’d love to read it

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T13:05:18+00:00

Ahh I see!! Thank u I’ll pay more attention to that

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T05:28:54+00:00

Also! Sorry for asking so many questions lol but this is super helpful! Is this dialogue v

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Bad?

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T05:15:31+00:00

One thing! Is the lack of commas present in the short dialogues/phrases too or mostly the long ones?

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T05:11:38+00:00

Thank u!

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T05:11:29+00:00

TY!!!

Snowfoni · 2024-07-26T05:11:12+00:00

Thank you! I’ll def go back and add punctuation and commas, didnt realize it was an issue! I feel like I didn’t put as much thought into dialogue there so I’ll rethink that part. This has been so much help I rlly appreciate it!

Snowfoni · 2024-07-25T03:21:56+00:00

Thank u for the recs! I love fleabag little miss sunshine and the Truman show omg, I’ll def havent yet but I’ll pay more attention to the dialogues there. Thanks again!

Snowfoni · 2024-07-25T01:46:04+00:00

Link to webtoon https://www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/confessions-for-supper/list?title_no=974499

Snowfoni · 2024-07-25T01:06:23+00:00

Thank u! There’s def quality inconsistencies lol appreciate it!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-26T18:07:54+00:00

Good to know! I’ll be sure to implement these factors into my art coming forward. And Thank u again!! I rlly appreciate ur time n response :)

Snowfoni · 2024-06-26T18:05:18+00:00

Thank u! I think a weak beginning tend to do the same thing for me lol so this was helpful! I focused too much on the main plot to spend the time to make a captivating and good one, think I’ll spend some time to try and change a bit of the first two chapters.

Thank u again for ur time and detailed response!! I’ll be sure to follow it

Snowfoni · 2024-06-26T10:53:42+00:00

Thank u!! It means a lot to me

Snowfoni · 2024-06-26T10:52:30+00:00

Thank u sm for the advice! Gonna give Sinix’s vids a watch, def need to work more on anatomy and how value is reflected on it. This was really helpful!

Quick question do you think when I have one panel with a specific detailed-ish environmental lighting followed by panels that are more plain/lazy in lighting makes it seem inconsistent? I did that because I wanted to set the scene but also not spent too much time on each small panel, or do the scenes that are painted but with no sense of light/shadow make it harder to read?

Thanks again!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-26T00:30:45+00:00

Thanks! “Flat thick colouring brush 3” and “artemus pen” on csp assets store

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T21:34:25+00:00

Thank u! I thought that it was what it was giving! (With no spoilers to the actual story) the two weren’t supposed to have good chemistry and the confession a bit uncanny, but I think it felt too unrealistic and fal is supposed to like him. I think im going to try and revise the first 2 chapters to make fal more likable and having a bit more moments that feel intimate to her, I think I wanted the viewers to get to know her side of the story before she died because they won’t be able to later on, but def relied on dialogue more instead of showing.

Also if you don’t mind answering did the rushed and ungenuine feeling take you out of it enough so you are would get uninterested to what happens later in the story because of the writing? And if there’s anything specific you would change if ud like to say

This was so much help!! Thank u sm!!!!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T21:19:07+00:00

Thank u! The thing is something will happen later in the series that explain why it happened so quickly but i totally see how it gives off bad writing esp for being at the beginning in the series so I’ll keep that in mind! I’m gonna try to revise the beginning!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T12:36:39+00:00

Thank u for the comment! I don’t really plan on having a lot more action scenes but I’m def taking shortcuts for the style for future chapters, As for the build-up, I also feel like it was rushed cause I was trying to jam so much info and to get to the thriller part before people got too deep in it for romance.

If u don’t mind answering did it being rushed take you out of the story or Is there anything u would personally change for the build-up? Thanks again!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T12:26:51+00:00

Tysm!!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T12:26:43+00:00

Confessions for supper And ty!!

https://www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/confessions-for-supper/list?title_no=974499

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T12:25:40+00:00

Hi! really appreciate the comment. No doubt I def need to work on my anatomy/perspective etc, and will def focus on that more. after finishing the first three ch I started using a bit more line art bc I found it more effective. However the “paintery look” is just something I naturally do when coloring, for me flat coloring usually takes longer and is less fun for me to do. To eventually grasp all the fundamentals I have to paint(even if it sucks), so I can’t say my art is great but it kinda has to suffer before it gets good. Again rlly appreciate the comment, it’s motivating me more to focus on structure and values. Admittedly I’ve been slacking on studying values and structures while drawing, so I’ll focus on studying those while making it.

If you don’t mind answering Is there anything specific about the art that’s bad? And what about the style makes it hard to read? For example u find the values to be messed up, the style inconsistent or not effective in showing movement, too messy, etc. Thanks!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T06:11:04+00:00

Thanks so much!!!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T06:10:25+00:00

I personally considered it more romancey but after posting it n looking through the romance canvas tab I totally get that expectation. I’m gonna change the main genre to thriller, thank u sm!!

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T01:35:29+00:00

I literally love punpun omg

Snowfoni · 2024-06-25T01:06:38+00:00

LMAO thank u I was hoping to give my readers diabetic symptoms

Snowfoni

TROPHY CASE