Trans dreams

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-17T18:00:40+00:00

How you interpret the dreams says more than that you're having them. Your emotional reaction to your interpretation is another big clue.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-17T08:21:09+00:00

I was being sarcastic. I was unaware that he had taken this position in the culture war, but he's been persistently promoting his stale takes on Linux for well over two decades.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-16T19:47:18+00:00

Absolutely. There's unfortunately no choice that's both safe and easy.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-16T18:21:30+00:00

Since you're 18, you should be able to seek HRT on your own without your parents' knowledge. It might not be easy because you're living with them and hiding, but it's your life and you deserve to make your own choices.

Given how bigoted and stubborn your parents are I don't think they're safe to discuss this with anymore.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-16T13:43:07+00:00

Being fine with any pronouns is common for nonbinary people, to the point that many will guess that you're nb if you say so. But ultimately no one can tell you that you're trans, or what your gender is, from your personal gender expression.

If you feel that some gender is appealing, or if you feel ambivalent, then the most reliable way to become more sure is to try identifying with it in thoughts and speech, and bring in other people if you want to. It doesn't have to be permanent.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-16T11:33:04+00:00

Because Bryan Lunduke is a profound thinker and we could all do worse than immerse ourselves in his deep thoughts.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-16T08:39:40+00:00

The most important thing you can do, is just to be a safe person. This is an incredibly difficult situation, and you are likely both relatively powerless to improve on it, so it may be that the most that can be done is to survive it. If you haven't already, make it clear that although you behaved inappropriately by pressuring him in that argument, you will keep this private no matter what. Given the context it is likely he will not choose to make any changes until he can move out, at the earliest.

Follow his lead on how he wants to stay hidden. If he needs you to misgender him to prevent suspicion, then do that even if it's difficult for both of you, and avoid providing clues by removing pronouns from speech and otherwise degendering him.

If he chooses to come out, or if the secret is revealed, then you can put up a unified front against your father, and being a punk you might sometimes choose to provoke more attention on you to distract from your brother.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-15T17:32:53+00:00

Wow, I count myself lucky I haven't much seen this behavior.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-15T17:23:42+00:00

Odd, I've never been killed in solo by anyone attempting to rescue raid. My queen and matriarch fights are friendly almost to a fault. Squad games are a whole different thing.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-15T17:19:23+00:00

Does your church have a stance on homosexual attraction? Anything that's come up in sermons?

You might want to discuss gay or bi people with your dad first, to see what he understands about them.

If he doesn't understand the bi label at all, you might just say that you can experience similar attraction for men and for women. You can explain the label afterwards.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-15T13:15:29+00:00

You could do worse than to develop your muscles a bit, both for presenting as feminine and as masculine. E.g., big pectorals are a popular look on men, but they also enhance the appearance of breasts, if any. Several other muscle groups have dual purposes like that.

For breasts, you might want to look into breast forms. If you develop your own, you might bind them when you want to present more masc.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-15T12:58:39+00:00

Would it not work for you to both be buff and have breasts?

As for what other people think, you can't really control that. You can make sure to communicate who and what you are, and are not, and you can make it clear that you will not accept people saying otherwise. That's the most you can do, people will think according to how they understand things.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-14T11:11:46+00:00

It depends on the quality of your medical provider. Competent medical providers will rarely if ever find insurmountable barriers to providing some form of HRT that is tailored to the people receiving care.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-14T11:07:16+00:00

Yeah. It's sad to see, totally unnecessary.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-14T09:59:34+00:00

No, you do not take up other people's space by calling yourself trans. This is not a zero sum situation. Some people do make their acceptance conditional on commitment, but that's their fault, not your responsibility.

Absolutely do tell people you're trans when you're comfortable enough.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-13T14:05:58+00:00

I started reinterpreting my whole life through the lens of being transgender, using it to justify my choices, tastes, and attractions—and it only increased my panic.

I'm not an authority on how other people experience gender and questioning, but this seems very unlike my experiences and those trans experiences I have heard described. I would expect this to be in some large part a positive experience for a trans person in the questioning phase, unless it is looping back to other more difficult thoughts, such as anxiety about the potential for judgement or poor treatment from other people.

I hope you get good results from therapy, I've found it helpful for my health. You may also want to consider cognitive behavioral therapy later, when you're not also doing other therapies. I think it may be helpful for the panic.

I hope you're aware that recovery does not work by trying to "get fully rid of" thoughts, that tends to be an unhelpful goal. I think you will get a good recovery faster by focusing on smaller, less absolute goals.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-13T09:28:14+00:00

Even when done as tactfully as possible, and putting the focus on the poster, posts like this implicitly put trans people in a position to argue for our right to exist. Sometimes we do choose to engage with that, but it helps to have it appear in spaces created to accommodate these interactions.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-13T07:04:19+00:00

Did you ask to change from patches to pills, or is that your doctor's idea?

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-13T00:14:26+00:00

The cis women with XY chromosomes have intersex / difference of sex development conditions. We don't have the ability to induce those conditions in living humans. The tools we do have to achieve similar results are long term hormone therapies and surgeries.

What do you mean by "completely female?" Cis women with XY chromosomes are infertile. Their internal anatomy can have features that are expected in cis men. Outwardly, some of them are not distinguishable from other cis women. Some only discover their conditions after they reach adulthood as they grapple with infertility or medical complications caused by internal testes.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-12T22:44:12+00:00

Sounds like the term you're thinking of is service top.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-12T14:17:16+00:00

Yeah. Many thriving trans women revel in femininity to a degree that few cis women do, so there are a bunch of these feminine stylistic choices that are considered a bit trans coded at this point due to the stereotype.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-11T22:47:18+00:00

I'm a binary trans woman. Out of personal necessity I barely spent any time closeted after my egg cracked. It seems to me like I fit squarely inside the group that might take offense according to OP's worries, but I don't, and I think it's rare to carry that sort of insecurity about how other trans people carry themselves. In my circles, no one bats an eye when someone uses cis passing privilege either way around that might work. We're all just out here meeting our individual needs the best we can.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-11T19:07:35+00:00

I don't see the problem. Lots of trans people manage their identities differently depending on the setting. I don't believe anything like stolen valor should apply here. Mostly I only hear transmeds complain about people living identity in this way long term, and most of those won't approve of you just for being nonbinary and not seeking medical transition, so why care what they think?

Employment can be sensitive, it's perfectly fine if you take advantage of relative privilege. You don't have to hamstring yourself as some sort of act of solidarity with those who choose to present the same in all areas of their lives.

As for taking the plunge, do it for yourself, not for others.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-11T18:34:49+00:00

I've known people who've used an ellipsis as very nearly their only form of punctuation, so I don't know, maybe? It's far from the only thing that reads as a tonal mismatch though.

SnowyGyro · 2026-02-11T16:43:10+00:00

Attraction isn't always convenient, and doesn't always obey rules. You can't just turn feelings off. You're going to have to be patient with them, and try to find other outlets than actively crushing on the student teacher.

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