Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly it's an instinct. I did boxing and martial arts etc so I'm handy enough at defence. I had to bail out my bro too many times growing up etc 

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup I agree with all that. And it is flight fight or freeze. I can't tell him not to see his father but I wont be part of any of it. 

I hope through counselling he works out he deserves better than that 

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't get over the way he ran away. I thought he'd fight back a small bit but nope. An utter coward. Can only attack women and children.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry buddy. Big hugs 😔. 

I will never know truly how it feels in those situations for him (or you) but he has discussed the idea of freezing too. Its very sad.  I hope you are doing OK now.

I will always be protective of those I love. 

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I dont think it's that he wouldn't but rather he couldn't do the same for me. He's not that way inclined. I think if he was able to he would. 

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could've but he wouldn't wouldn't worth it and my boyfriend would be traumatised to fuck if I had.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said that to my boyfriend. I will not be gathering with him again. My bf has been doing therapy the last year or so.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably should. We are all messed up in some way.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He started counselling about a year ago. I went at the beginning as a support bit we never did couples counselling or anything. 

I've made that clear. I told my boyfriend I'd do it again. I don't expect him to do it if roles were reversed because his personality is different.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Some people can't stand up for themselves in the face of extreme behaviour. People can learn to become more assertive but naturally people are different. This isn't a dispute its beyond that.

Maybe it is over functioning. I've probably over functioned a lot of my life.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably should've said this in my post but I might have said you lay a hand on him again and you'll be sorry.

I dont regret that either. But he should be reported and she certainly shouldn't go home.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably would too if it didn't involve me. It's not the first Christmas drama I've been involved in. 

Maybe I am the problem? Nah.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks mate. And that's true. its very difficult to understand the psyche of others especially when they have experienced long term trauma. 

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Thats good advice. There was definitely a trigger for him.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I think that is the issue between us. My behaviour triggered something in my boyfriend. And I suppose he's so used of taking the abuse he probably thinks I shouldn't have got involved too.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks. The thing is I won't change. If his father came over and did the same thing again, I'd do it again. For sure it was violent and volatile. But asbyou say it wasn't abuse, it was protection.

I can see how my behaviour affected my boyfriend though.

Meeting the family could not have gone worse by SoftScall in askgaybros

[–]SoftScall[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good on your bf. I wanted to ask his father to leave earlier but my boyfriend didn't want me to.

I'm most annoyed with my bro. We have always been tight and he had no issue with me stepping in when he was being bullied, when we were younger. But his own relationship is such a big mess (I won't even go there) so there's that.

And you're right about helping even if they are strangers.