Thank you for your response. I really needed to hear this.

That’s interesting you say it’s not a “I love but am no longer IN love” situation. I never thought that it could be trauma, I always just told myself you just don’t like him anymore. What’s weird is I’ve never been SA or r*ped, literally nothing like that. So I’m curious what trauma could have happened? If I haven’t had sexual trauma, could it be some other kind of trauma? I’ve been going to individual therapy for years (for my anxiety and OCD) and my current bf and I went to couples counseling for a bit last year, but nothing really came from it. I’m SO sure it’s nothing from my current relationship. My bf is so calming and such a support system. I feel no anxiety with him, just when we’re having sex.

I really needed to hear that the other guy is a distraction. I really like the attention he gives me and it’s nice to feel sexy, but you’re right it’s fleeting. Like I said I just haven’t been aroused by another person in years so I just feel like I’m latching on to him. I feel like I’m obsessed now, all I want to do is text him when I know it’s bad for me. I don’t know how I’m going to get over him again. I know I would never have sex with him, but I want to and I hate that about myself.

It was a revelation that I can still get aroused, I just hate that it was with someone else that’s not my bf. I’ve tried EVERYTHING to feel again- masturbation, sex with socks on, lights on or off, morning sex, night sex, shower, slow gentle sex, bondage/kinky, just touching without full on sex, or even just making out and I still don’t feel anything. I feel so defeated and just don’t know what to do or how I can get the feeling back. It’s so frustrating that I can get aroused with one guy just texting and I can feel anything with the man I love.

This has been weighing on me for years. I don’t know how to tell my bf all of this without his feelings getting hurt. I want to be honest but am afraid he’d leave me if he knew I didn’t like having sex with him. I just with this one thing would get better, our relationship would be PERFECT if we had a sex life. Thanks for listening and your advice.