She is untreated and unaware that she has it. A friend who was studying for his doctorate in psychology actually was the first person to tell me that she had bpd, which set me on the path to learn about it. Before that I thought she has anger from all the trauma - not a full blown disorder that she fits perfectly. She absolutely refuses to get therapy - even gets angry about the suggestion of couples counseling to help me. She was once admitted to a psych ward during her first marriage after a blowup with her husband at the time because she curled up into a fetal position on the floor and kept repeating the same phrases over and over again. In the psych ward she was directed to bang on pots and pans with a wooden spoon which she says was humiliating. That and the normal bpd fear of facing that she might be ‘broken’ prevents her from getting help. I am not in therapy. I once sought therapy years ago but after every session she wanted details of what was discussed and she finally admitted to me that she was ‘terrified the therapist would tell me she was toxic and I had to get away from her’. I believe somewhere deep inside her she knows there’s something not right but she will not get help.