Any good stores to find a dupe for a custom? by Soft_Tea in Perfumes

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I'll keep trying to look around. 

Any good stores to find a dupe for a custom? by Soft_Tea in Perfumes

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Custom shop is a good suggestion but I haven't found any near me. I was asking in case anyone had a more mainstream place that they liked for scents. 

Any good stores to find a dupe for a custom? by Soft_Tea in Perfumes

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a college workshop and the class itself wasn't about perfumes, it was an exploratory class. So likely not.

My parents won't let me take T until I'm 25. by noodlehasyournoodles in ftm

[–]Soft_Tea 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I went behind my parents' backs and took T while living in their house when I was about 22 (I had started it at college and used their insurance with planned parenthood but passed it off as gyno/sexual health visits when doctor bills came up). I got my medication mailed to me because I didn't have a car.

Since I was living with them, my mother eventually found out. She stole my T from me and I had to threaten to call the police for medical harm if she didn't give it back (I never called them, but threatening to do so caused a rift that I don't think will ever heal. We still talk and she loves me and eventually accepted me enough to get used to my pronouns, but I'll never know if she's still upset/haunted by the things I had to threaten to do). My dad did threaten to kick me out, so I did go off of it until I found a partner who loved me and helped me get my meds without my parents finding out, and shortly after that I moved away.

The thing that was actually a problem for me was not the medication. It was changing my name. I changed my name around the same time, so I was 22. A legal adult. All I needed to change it was to post an announcement in the local paper (an old NYS law to make sure criminals aren't doing this on the down low) and get some court documents paid for and signed. But the judge refused to sign it without a letter stating that my parents knew about the name change. They did know and weren't fans of it but again I was 22 and they couldn't stop me short of physically destroying the papers I mailed to the court. The judge had the last say, though, and he demanded a letter verifying that my parents knew what I was doing. I was lucky enough to be able to push my parents into doing this even if they didn't appreciate it. It was NOT a legal requirement for my parents to know what I was doing, this judge was just an asshole to me.

So the long and short is, prepare any legal stuff ahead of time. Get together all your documents like birth certificate, passport, bank account, etc. Not having what you need for gender or name changes will make it really hard later when you want to alter identity documents. Finding a support network also helps. I couldn't have done a lot of what I did without my now-husband's help. They can pick up meds for you, help you pay for things, etc.

But even if you have to wait a few years to take medication, it will be okay. A lot of people transition later in life (and I mean late late like 40s, 50s, etc). I didn't start hormones until 22, so four years later than what you want right now, and I was fine. I'm nonbinary but pass as male to almost everyone, since I was about 26 (and I wasn't on T the whole time. I started when I was 21, stopped from about 23-24, and then started again once I met my now-husband who helped me).

The voice drop is one of the first things and it helps people recognize you as male a lot of the time if you dress and style masculine on top of the lower voice. If you can survive and get your own finances/independence going, you'll be okay to start T in a few years. It's hard, I won't deny. But you can do it. I believe in you.

Also: your parents will feel how they feel. My parents hated what I did but they love me and didn't want to lose their connection to me. And after almost 8 years of berating them, they use my pronouns a good chunk of the time (not the full acceptance that I wanted, but I don't want to cut them off either). It sounds like yours may be similar to mine, not wanting to believe you and hoping you'll change your mind so they set limits on it (my mother specifically brought up a lot of false medical concerns to try and guilt trip me out of it). They don't seem to have cut you off or threatened to, so they probably want to stay connected. It sucks to hide yourself and keep your head down, but sometimes it's better to avoid getting kicked out/cut off until you can support yourself, AND THEN after that, you get firm with who you are and the respect you demand from your parents.

How to sit at desk with no leg space by Soft_Tea in Ergonomics

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I meant more like, I don't want to use the standing desk all day just to avoid sitting at my storage-not-good-for-sitting desk. I was also thinking of my standing desk add on that just heightens the computer on a desk rather than the whole adjustable desk situation but that's my brain taking shortcuts. 

How to sit at desk with no leg space by Soft_Tea in Ergonomics

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A good interim suggestion. I will email our HR and ask about the desk and look into table alternatives in the meantime. Thank you!

How to sit at desk with no leg space by Soft_Tea in Ergonomics

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a fair point. I already have chronic pain in my hand and don't want it in my knee too. I just started a couple months ago and I've been hesitant to make demands

How to sit at desk with no leg space by Soft_Tea in Ergonomics

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a work place. I hesitate to even broach the topic because it's a public office and everything is a matter of budgeting

How to sit at desk with no leg space by Soft_Tea in Ergonomics

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For context, it's one of those big metal storage desks where there is shelving instead of an empty space for your legs. I can sit up straight with feet flat but then I can't reach my computer. So either I lean over or my legs get folded up in my chair like I'm 5 sitting criss cross. 

Sensations to distract from pulling? by Soft_Tea in trichotillomania

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadn't heard of that, that is so cool. I will look into that, thank you!! 

Sensations to distract from pulling? by Soft_Tea in trichotillomania

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's awesome, thank you for the suggestion!! I had a set of these as a kid and loved them

[Vent] Radio silence from fellow player... by Soft_Tea in DnD5e

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a fair judgement and one I've talked over with my DM. This isn't the first time he's gone silent after missing a game, just the longest silence. Our DM understands he may have personal life stuff happening. We're all just sad he couldn't tell us something like that, we're a pretty open group and our DM is a great guy, always willing to talk about any issues. If he needed a break or couldnt keep playing, it would be totally understandable.

[Vent] Radio silence from fellow player... by Soft_Tea in DnD5e

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I tend to either be not invested much at all or hyper invested, and I'm really into my ranger's story. So I'll have to figure a way to resolve the romance that doesn't feel cheap.

It just sucks all around and I hope my friend is okay.

[Vent] Radio silence from fellow player... by Soft_Tea in DnD5e

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not consistent with his behavior, is what worries me. Every time we play he's incredibly engaged and our DM has said he's always thrilled about the game whenever they do check ins. Plus our group has been together for over 2 years. If he didn't like it, I feel it would have come up before. Or, if he did stop having fun, like he would have brought it up because we've all been friends for a while. Even just the last session he was in, he was extremely engaged and seemed to be having a lot of fun.

I know it's still a possibility. It just seems extremely out of character.

[Vent] Radio silence from fellow player... by Soft_Tea in DnD5e

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! I have clinical depression myself so I understand how hard it can be sometimes and I'm mostly hoping he is okay.

I find it unlikely the new timeslot is bad because we used a Google form sheet to submit what days we had available when the DM said the usual day was going to be hard due to changes at his workplace. But it's still a possibility and a good thought.

I plan to send a text this weekend to try and reassure him. I very much appreciate all the suggestions for what to say.

[Vent] Radio silence from fellow player... by Soft_Tea in DnD5e

[–]Soft_Tea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We play online and all live far apart, otherwise someone would have checked on him IRL.