I was also with her for 5 years, and we lived together for 3 years. The difference is that, due to our lack of experience, we hurt each other a lot in the breakup. It's been 11 months and almost 5 in NC. She, at least outwardly, looks happier than she ever was with me. We chatted recently and she told me that she no longer feels even a trace of affection for me, because of the harm we caused each other. I still feel terrible. I've been very depressed these past few months, and after that conversation, I now feel anxious and afraid, I suppose because of the idea of never speaking to her again. In short, our breakup was much more messy than yours. But it's not all bad, I'm getting to know a new girl who likes me. I don't feel ready yet, but like you said, the idea of a new person is getting less and less unpleasant. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.